Negative Altogether

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Hey. Gloomy day today. Outside and inside.

I got to learn one thing. To not trust anyone so quickly and do not keep your hopes high enough to let you shattered into pieces at the end of the day. It is just so annoying yet depressing when all of this happened. It is though.

I've had long weekend off. And I spoilt myself by not doing anything at all, just lounging in the house and do basically NOTHING. I was about to get a study desk for my room so that I can be a good student who started the studying earlier, but then again I just don't have the courage to even start anything at all. Uhh, I am so negative at this point, yeah. I know.

Don't know what I am going to do for today, despite of the staff meeting that I will have to attend at half seven this evening, but I think I might head out just to be outside the house for a while. I think I am so tired of everything around me. I just don't know these people anymore, and at the same time, I don't even know who I am anymore. Weird, eh? Yeah. I thought so too.

Blame the gloomy day, I'd say. It is all that you could ever blame at.

To Take A Step Further, One Step Back Or Stand Still?

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Life is shit. What would you reckon when everyone is expecting so much from you? Like, it can be so exhausting at time, then comes to the fact that you are actually tired and just so want to get away from everything. Like, seriously.

A lie down to clear up your mind, and just be free from whatever, whomever... is an actual bliss. At least, once in a while. Maybe it is too wrong to be too nice, that everyone eventually take you for granted and up to the fact, sticking their feet up on your head? Maybe I am done of being too nice. I was once told, na'ah. Not once... more than that. I was too nice... I was too naive, that's why. And some other things as such.


So, maybe it is not a good thing to be too nice. Where people push you wherever they thought suits, NOT!

I don't really know now. To me, it is quite confusing. Every single little steps that I took, always leads me to a disaster patch. So, I don't really know should I step further, step back or just stand still now... But one thing for sure, the clock is ticking, 'till a year before I am off from here. :) At least, there is something I am keen to look forward to.

Good night all.

Luck Make Over, Anyone?

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Well, for a start... it was sunny when I stepped out from the shop finishing my shift. Even though, it was gloomy earlier on this morning. :) Somehow, the sun always cheer me up, no matter how disturbed I feel. So, it is a good sign, eh? :)

I feel more content now, especially knowing that I wouldn't have to work on weekends no more! My college is starting this coming Wednesday, and somehow I am so eager to go to class. I wonder why. Probably I just want some time to be occupied with something that I can concentrate on. I mean, other than greeting people who came in to the shop, and some of them were rude people who stayed in the shop and giving you their hands on your face not wanting you to ask them if they need any help and always, I mean always after few seconds call you over and asking for an explanation about a product, then shoved their hands on your face again and again!! Silly, silly people! :(

And, I really can't wait to get paid this month! To be honest, I am just so dying to have some cash on me, not to splurge on anything silly or stupid things, just to have a cash on hand. Really. I have been broke this past few weeks, breaking up, feeling so low... I think I really need my luck to turn the other way round. Too much of bad luck, which I supposed, even if based on karma, I should be getting loads of good lucks now, seriously. I need a make over. A make over of lucks! Haha... I don't think that ever existed. Haha... (well, for a start, at least I AM laughing now... )

Hmm... nothing much to say, really. But, if the weather is good this weekend, I am definitely going to find some place to snap some cool photos! I am eager to get my hands to capture photos with black and white film instead. It would be so much fun! Well, I shall leave you now... and until we meet again? ;)

Have a nice day, people. xoxo

I'm Back... :)

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Hey.At last, well... as I may say. I think, I am done now. I really am. I was really in bits last night, weeping over stuff, but then... when I woke up this morning, I just realized. This is so unsound. Why would I allowed someone who is so selfish and mostly immature, just thinking solely about his life, and dumping me just like that as if I am close to NOTHING? Why would I let this person destroying me, my life?

This is so not going to happen. I love myself. I can't let some idiot do this to me. Na'ah. As to that, I think I have to move on. It is not simple, I know. It would be so difficult and hard to cope. But, come to think of it, I can. And I will, eventually... as what Daddy said. :) Thank you Daddy!! Appreciate that.

And, (mind my language), F*** all this. I will somehow get back on my two feet, I will... slowly. :) And with that, thanks to all who's been helping me out with this. :) I was emotionally unstable before, but... I think it is getting better now. :)

Have a good night. xoxo

I Can't Do This

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I just can't believe that it is actually over. It has been a week already, but it seems like it is just a day pass. I thought that I could cope up, but clearly I cannot. I had a really bad dream last night, and I woke up at half three and sweating like mad. It is something that really bothers me now. And worst of all, I thought I am strong enough to let it be the way it is, but obviously I am not. I missed him so much...

I really do.

I Am Not Okay

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Hey.

I thought I was strong enough, after these past few days. Na'ah. I wasn't. I really thought I can cope this up. I can mend the whole situation and be back up on my two feet. Na'ah. Three days were supposed to be long enough to make me feel okay. Nope. Not okay at all.

Collapsing, still. Feels like the heart has been crushed badly. Really badly. And... yeah. shattered. What the f***!!!

I need my strength. I really need to, at least for another year until I am gone from here. Gone for good!

It Is Not Just A Bad Dream

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Hey. Bad dreams are awful, aren't they? Like, it will haunt you no matter how hard you try to forget? But then again, if one thing is really happening, and you just realized that it is not just a bad dream... I suppose, we would rather have a bad dream rather than the real thing, eh?


I remembered when I was a small kid, when I had a bad dream, I always cried when I woke up, even though I just realized that it was a bad dream. Just a bad dream... Still, it affected your emotions, and that happened when you were asleep!! Unconscious. Worst part, when you had that bad dreams at younger age. Oh wait, I suppose nothing make a difference. If you had a bad dream, as an adult... it would still affecting your emotions too. Because you cried and sometimes too afraid to go back to sleep... in case that the bad dream will continue somehow. :(

But if something happened, and you just realized that it is not just a normal, typical bad dreams, when you woke up the next day, in tears... and just found out that it is actually really happening. It's real. Then... you will somehow wish that it would be just a bad dream...

Unfortunately, it is not. Too bad. It is really... :(

The End, Again.

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The end. I am crashing. Really, really bad.