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Showing posts with label complicated. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complicated. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I Am One Messed Up Lass



I'm feeling so weird. So confused. And I think this is really bad.

I should not have been there. Is this a big mistake? Or it was meant to be that way? Oh, the confusion is tearing me apart! This is not a good sign because err... I am leaving in 3 weeks!! Clearly!!! What was I thinking?

Well, after 8 months... such hard work. Now it feels like I am back to square one!

I'm pretty messed up at the moment. Full stop.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Spider Web


Hey all. I am at home today. For the first time since, I can't even remember when was the last time, I called in sick. I woke up this morning, feeling all sluggish and worn out! I was walking back home last night from work, not to mention, I was kind of LOST. And all those breezy cold winter wind just put me to a paralyzed state!

So, here I am. Munching some tiny little nuggets, and typing my sad sappy life! :)

I know that I have been scribbling this more than once, but when I took up the college, and working at the same time... it does take my time, obviously. I mean, rushing to work to complete everything before Thursday, having my mind full of thoughts, I have to rush to college for tutorial classes until half nine at night on Wednesday (after work). Messed my head with all the calculations we had in Financial Management class. Then, back home and sleep. Woke up the next morning for the full day class the next day, on Thursday. And bac to office again on Friday morning, trying to catch up what has been left on Wednesday! It's massively hectic!

It actually does take my time up! And, with the additional flavour of crappy weather by now, it doesn't really help! But I know what I want. I have to be strong with these obstacles! Obviously!! I want to become a chartered surveyor in three years time, so I know I can do this. If I am known to be so stubborn in my love-life, why can't I apply the same to my studies and working life? Of course I will! :)

Now, back to my love-life episodes, despite of the fully booked days I have, to mingle between work and college, I do have a slot for my love life too. I know it sounds stupid, but hey... I need to live! :) To be honest, things are getting messier. Out of hand, completely. I think I just don't know what I want. The undivided attention that I have been received, just keep me floating up in the air, and I knew, somehow... the bubbles of happiness will be popped and I will fall and scattered into pieces. Mr. Nice Guy is being nice. As always, but somehow it just trapped me, continuously. I mean, I still thought that he rushed things too quickly. He keeps on telling me that we are in a relationship, and somehow I don't feel like I am in it!

The other guy (just discovered that he looks exactly like Ashton Kutcher, seriously. Kelso in That 70's Show), is playing things in the safe pace. He is actually going slowly. And it is kind of nice. But I don't know do I really, actually want him or not! I know I might sound a bit slutty, but I am dating these two guys at the same time, without knowing which one should I go with. I was thinking, I can go with not choosing any of them yet, until I knew it? But people would definitely called me as a selfish slut ever! But which one is more important now? Their feelings or mine? Is this about my life, or this is all about pleasing other people and neglecting your own feelings, what you do feel deep inside?

It's just making my life even far more complicated. I do feel guilty, if that is what has been lingering in your mind. But, I can't just decide, just for the sake of their feelings, can't I?

It's complicated. As complicated, and messy as the spider cob web, I presume! What do you think?

Monday, June 9, 2008

Defining Moments


It has been a busy weekends for me. Was too busy looking for a new house, in Dublin. Seriously. Everything here is so expensive, and you have to be as quick and wicked as a squirrel to get a good home to stay. Sigh.


Been looking and viewing few places now. Had few good ones, as well as bad ones too. I could not really choose which one, exactly... as it is confusing. You have to have the money on hand to get grip on the house that you really really like, to book them. And I don't even know and confirm as yet, which one to choose, and when to move out. But definitely either middle or end of July. I think.

It has been a torturing moment.


Been talking to my mom, and she said she would think that a good house with a good space, and not that expensive would be the right choice. It would be. But would be a burden to find one. Mostly, when you called, the answer would be, "... it's gone."


I am thinking about the holiday, as well as when to move out, then... of course of which range of rent would be good. It is all, confusing. And stressful as well. Sigh. Why can't it be as easy as it could?





I have seen this one house, yesterday. That I really, really like. Its a house, with a spiral stairs lead to a mezzanine floor double bedroom. It's class. Posh in a way. But, it is only up to the owner to decide who will be suitable to get the house. I am so devastated. I thought I really want the house, but today... I am thinking about it, and thought that I can have a nice one bed, modern apartment... the same price as that. Speaking of being a Gemini, and a fickle minded girl? Is just making things more difficult.


I'll have a look again these coming few days, I'd say... and only then I will decide. As if I can make the decision. Sigh.


Wish me luck! :)

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Directions, Directions...?


It is a beautiful Friday, but starting off with quite a not-so-nice weather. Then, it strikes off beautifully, really!! In fact, I think it has become a bit warmer than it supposed to, that mostly everyone becoming sweaty-dudes! *wink*


It's nice to have something like this on Friday, basically. Since yesterday, and today... I had to come in to office, a bit later than usual. It is not as if I am purposely woke up late and came in later, but I have to go to someplace else for renewing my Working Authorization. Too many things to be done. And by renewing the thing, it has been acknowledged that I have been staying in Dublin, approximately two years now! Yayyy!!


Anyway, on my way home from office last night, too tired to realized there were like too many people on the street yesterday... suddenly a vague pattern become so obvious as I passed through a flock of random faces on the street. Out of ten group of people I came across, basically five of 'em were actually talking about directions!

A couple were arguing on the street, with a map on hand... which route to take, which bus to take, which pub to hit off and which things should be done first. And I keep on walking.

Another pair, an old woman and a guy. More like an asking-direction conversation. Which path should he take to go to place A. And which bus should he take if he wants to get there as early as he can. And the old woman stutter something to him, and he nodded.

Almost quite half an hour to home, two big, huge guys... were talking about the pub they went to last night. The other guy in the group was asking which pub they are on about. And the other guy mentioned and directing him, with so much excitement on which road is it on.

Directions, directions, directions...
It is all a matter of life. It is not just about the direction to go to place A, or B or C or any other places. Not a matter of which bus to take to or which is the quickest way to reach there. And also, not just about which way is the shortcut to go to place F without any traffic harrasment!

It is life. Directions.

What would eventually happen if the couple, sorted out and agreed on something, and that is not actually the directions and choice that they ought to have? Would they still be quarelling and not getting the main point of quarelling? Would that effect them? Or maybe they won't even be together anymore, just because of false direction?

Would the guy who has been directed by the old woman, lost his way and at the end of the day, ended up in someplace else where he will get mugged? Would his life be tormented after that?
Or maybe, the pub-asking-direction mates, go to the direction he was directed at, and got the wrong direction, and ended up in a whore-lair, and lost all of his money to the prostitutes in the area, forcing him to commit?

Directions are like given options on what, where, which and who to choose. Would that mean making the wrong choice would lead you to a shortcut to hell? Or probably, a good choice would turn you to heaven in no time?

Some people said, choices are meant to be wrongly-chosen. So that we will venture the consequences on the right and wrong path. To learn and to experience. But what will happen if it will be always the wrong path chosen? Would that simply means, a bad luck throughout life?

What would it be if you tend to lose your bearings, and got no direction to good way of life?

Complicated, I'd say. *wonder*
 

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