Part Two - The End Of Today

PART TWO - THE END

Then I went for vacation (to Madrid and Paris, I didn't go out, I kind of neglecting him, and he was neglecting me...)... I came back from vacation, he went for vacation. Then we had four days to meet up before he go for his Christmas & New Year vacation. (during the time when I was in vacation, he sent me text everyday, very nice. But, when the last day I was in Madrid, things got ugly, he started back again about being best friends only... and just friend thingy).

I came back. This time things had gone really really ugly. It's only four days left before he went off for vacation. And... he refused to meet me. (I did refused before, as when he speaks about friends, best friends thingy... And, he basically threw things back at me, by saying not going to see me at all, so that's maybe better for me).

But, he did anyway. Met me, and things got more worst. I told him, I can't be like this. Pretending that I am okay, whilst I am not. I said right to me, I can't pretend anymore. I can't live by the fact that we are just friend. In fact, I just can't. So, we fought. I thought that was the end of it.

But not. He texted me, and told me that he needs a favour. To put his stuff when he's away, since he moved out from the house. (I was wondering, despite of millions friends that he has, why me!). So, as what my mum always advised me, I said yes. I am being nice no matter what.

He came in, put his stuff and go. Less than 5 minutes.

Vacation ends. Mine and his. He came back last three days, found a house on the first day (evening). But we went to parties on weekends. And he stayed in my home. But, you know what? We are so 'best friends like'. In fact, I think I am more like his 'guy' friends.

Recap; he went to Germany for new year, and I guess he got attached with one girl. Not Germans anywhere. Different. I saw her picture, as his wallpaper. When I saw that picture, I was scattered. But, I pretend that everything is okay. I didn't ask. And when he knew that I saw, he tried to hide it as much as possible. He showed me pictures. But not the girl picture. He showed me his cousins, his friends... all his guy friends. All guys pictures. But he showed me one picture of the girl. Different picture.

Idiota: This is my friend. From ******.
Me: Okay...
Idiota: What do you think?
Me: She looks dangerous. I don't like. (Being honest).
Idiota: Laughing.

A moment, in my living room... (we were having a conversation. Nice, homey conversation...).
His phone was sounding, texting with someone back and forth...
Suddenly...

Idiota: Baby... What is the meaning of N-A-K-E-D?
Me: (explaining to him, with so much hurt inside... Who would be texting him such message? And why after all the word that he knew, he didn't know the meaning of NAKED? Shitttt!!!)

I was too pissed. I was quiet for a moment. Then I excused myself to go to bed, to sleep. More of like, to bury my exquisite pain.

Idiota: Ahh.. okay. Do you have spare duvet? I sleep on the couch.
Me: (ignoring him, and go straight to bed)... as he said, it's okay that he will sleep with the jacket.

This morning, he was next to me. Sleeping. Apart, of course. Like, I am one disgusting dog-poo. Like, horrible thing next to him that he can't be near or else he will get a disease or something.

Afternoon, I said to him (texting during lunch hour):-

Me: I am so sorry for everything. I hope you know the meaning of naked now. It's perfect that you asked me this. Maybe next time, another perfect disaster meaning to ask me. No problem. It's perfect.
Me: Oh, by the way the meaning of naked is nudo. A perfect question.
Idiota: Ah, yes. Thank you. Now I know the message what is it about.
Me: Of course. Texting here and there. And ignoring me. Definite disaster moment.
Idiota: Why should I ignore you? Because I don't speak with you all the time? Why you hate my message? Can't I get message from other people? Or friend like that girl?

Evening, met him as my house keys are with him. He came over to pick up his stuff. I was cooking. Too hungry and sad. He was on the internet.

Me: Idiota, eat dinner with me? It's ready.
Idiota: No, no... I don't eat. I ate already.
Me: But, its ready. I cooked more. For my housemate and there's for you as well.
Idiota: No. Why cook? No!!

Night, he was about to go. He went to kitchen, and saw the food I cook.

Idiota: It looks so nice. How you cook so nice? Very nice. (As I already put it in the plate. I was actually already making one to him. And when he said no, it's like a stab. Like, really... it was just a dinner, and when he said NO, its like... SHIT).
Me: I told you. I cooked. Eat this. Who's going to eat this... (Feeling so angry, and sad at the same time).
Idiota: Like this, I eat. I don't go. But I need to go downstairs for a while. I come back after one hour.

After twenty minutes... he came back with loads of chocolates for me. Stayed for a while, talking, laughing, watching tv... I didn't say anything... After two hours.

Idiota: I go now... (packing few stuff).
Me: Okay.

After twenty minutes he's gone, I got a text.

Idiota: Thank you so much for everything. Seriously, really you are the best. You are a star!!! *smiley face* Kisses for you... Good night, baby.

So, that's the end of today's post. How is that? How would one would ever cope with this situation? How the **** is things supposed to be? How? Let me know how is it meant to be? To me it is all wrecked. Everything upon me, is always the same, complete disaster! That is me.

P/S: Oh, by the way... I didn't reply to the message. I was crumpled (like Daddy's P pics), on the bed for few minutes in tears, and then ended up with a half tub of Ben & Jerry's! :)