Part One - The Spill Outs

Being naive and stupid are basically the worst of living. I am in the process of letting go and believing the fact that I am not the one. I have been living in a traumatic situation ever for the past three days. It has been the worst nightmare ever for me, as I said before in my previous post, The Esquisite Pain.

I just couldn't believed myself, of what I have done. The first time I have ever been so stupid in my entire life, naive in most possible ways and of course blinded by love (which, I don't tend to believe anymore in the near future, NOT!).

The guy that I liked, adored, giving my full attention to... despite of expecting the same in return, I get none. The truly one, supposedly (not the one I met in Barcelona. That is another head-wrecking story I wish not to share with now).

This is the story when things gone bad. Recap of the story (some days before Christmas):-

At some party (I wasn't there)...


A friend : Where's Baby?
Idiota: I don't know...
A friend : Oh, okay...
Idiota: You know what...? I like Baby. I like her so much. I want her to be with me all the time. It's like really nice. Me and her. Perfect.
A friend: So, is she your girlfriend?
Idiota: No... No... Cannot. Impossible. No...
A friend: Why not?
Idiota: I like her so much. But, it is impossible for me to take her as a girlfriend... No...
A friend: Why? What is wrong with her?
Idiota: Nothing is wrong with her... Just that, I think we can only be best friend... She's my best friend. Yes. But, I like her. Maybe I love her. I love her, her personality, everything... She's perfect.
A friend: But why just a friend? Why? I don't understand.
Idiota: I don't know. No. No girlfriend. Best friend. She is my best friend. She's the best. I want to do everything with her. She is perfect in every way...

What does that means to you, if that person is you? If you were in my shoes? How?

Another recap... (long, long, few months before the above conversation... when things started to heat up)...

Another party...

People are dancing everywhere, drinking, happy. So, I did too. I was dancing on the dance floor, and Idiota is no where to be found. So, be it. On the dance floor...

Stranger: Hi... What's your name? (and started to dance with me).
Me: Baby... And you?
Stranger: Bla bla.. (we were talking for less than 2 minutes, Idiota come out of nowhere, standing, dancing in between me and stranger).

Me: what are you doing?
Idiota: No. Nothing. I am dancing.

Few weeks after that, Idiota being super-nice.  I like. I like it so much.

Another party...

A friend: Ay, Idiota. Where's Baby?
Idiota: Why? She's there...
A friend: *giggles* You like her? 
Idiota: Ayy... *smiling sheepishly*

Everyone knows Idiota got something going on with me.

More weeks after that... (things had gone weird).

Idiota: What you said to people about us? Private stuff...
Me: What I said? What private stuff?
Idiota: I don't like, like this. You tell everyone about us.
Me: What I did? What we did? What have I said?
Idiota: No. It's okay. I don't like when it's like this. It's better we become just friend.
Me: Just friend? Am I more than a friend before? Why? Tell me.
Idiota: No... I think it is better we become just friend.

Another party... (probably two weeks after that).

Everyone was dancing... on the dance floor. Me too.
I was dancing with a guy. My friend (Butterfly's) friend.
I saw Idiota face was really angry. Really really angry. He went to Butterfly.

Butterfly: Why is your face like that? *giggling looking at Idiota's face*
Idiota: Who is that?
Butterfly: Does it really matters?
Idiota: Who is that dancing with Baby? Tell me!!
Butterfly: That is my friend. Why?
Idiota: I don't like. 
Butterfly: Idiota, if you really care. Show her that you really care. If you keep
on going like this, not good for both of you. Show her you really care about her!
 
After party (the same night)...
We were at friend's place. Dancing, drinking, chatting... There's a new girl in the party. Blonde hair. I don't like, frankly speaking. Oh, by the way, before I arrived there (I was late, and I didn't get in the same taxi with Idiota), he called me every 5 minutes, asking me where am I...

In the party, he was ignoring me. Completely. Talking to this girl. Taking this girl picture using my camera!! :(

Another party... things has gone better. We were like before. And by this time, everyone seems like acknowledging the fact that, I am with him, he is with me. (Still with me?)

Will continue in another post? Wait for more spill outs. :)