Clumsy, Silly Me

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One thing happened today. As it happened basically at this time of the year for me. As in for today, it is the second time for this year, and also the fourth time since I arrived in Dublin. *keep on wondering* *grins* Okay, here goes.

I fell!! *wink*

I was walking back home, as usual from the office. It was just like the normal walk that I have all the time, all these while. It was quite windy, alright. And, out of sudden, the wind just swooshed me away, and I fell! *giggles*


What I did? I laugh it off, of course. What more can I do? I always fell. Oh, and the ferocious wind, always blow me away. *more giggles*

Last year (sometimes around this time as well, I fell in front of a bus stop, TWICE!). It was more funny, as loads of people were there, waiting for the bus. Despite of them, looking so sad as it is drizzling and windy, plus the fact that they are just coming back home from the office, at least I did cheer them up! As when I fell, I was looking around, panicking... then I started to laugh. Then, they laugh it off with me too!
But this year, the first time (it was when my umbrella broken), it was not in front of the bus stop. And today, I was on the side of the road and without the umbrella,
as it is not raining. So, less people plus less burden and pain. Also, less humiliation. But, less fun as I was laughing it off just by myself. *chuckles*

That is me. Clumsiness is my middle name, and that is truly me. Such an experience, eh?

How odd a person can be?

P/S: Feel free to click and vote for me... *wink*

Look At My Nails!

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How do you find these pretty nails of mine? Nope. I didn't go to nail spa, saloon or anything like that. *wink*

I made 'em by myself! I am so impressed though. I thought it looks so neat and unique!! No smear anywhere. Clean and clear!!

I came back from work, ate dinner, and watching Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean! And, while watching his yummy face, I paint my nails.

Now, I am off to bed. Have a long day tomorrow, at work.

So, let me know!! How do you find my nails? Is it nice? Rough? Cool? Innocent?

Tell me, tell me!! *kisses and more kisses*

Friday Night Out, Yayy!

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I am getting ready to go out! ;)

I can't wait to dance, yayyyy!!! This is what weekends is for! I need to loose few pounds. And, with dancing I can have both; losing weight and feeling happy!

Here is a picture of me after Saturday night out!

Happy weekends, everyone! I love you all!

P/S: I am still sick, by the way... ;) Hope dancing will cheer me up!

Happy Birthday, 70steen! *wink*

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I am being abnormal today. Probably, because of the flu and cold that has been with me these days. I am being so paranoid. Thinking that everyone hates me. And everyone is talking about me. It is crazy. I know.

I had too much aspirin and too much headache at the moment. Not because I wanted to, but because of the drowsiness I have from the flu and cold. Madness.

The funny thing is, I know I am being weird. I know that I am feeling as someone else. I just can't think or doing anything to stop it. It just happened.

While I am writing this, my mind was busy thinking about everything. I can't list out. As I also don't know what basically are the things that I thought about. *giggles*

Seems like I am talking as if I am from another planet. Whatever it is, I am so happy for 70steen. Today is her birthday, and what I wish for her, is for all her wishes come true! 70steen, be happy and hope you had a good one!! Feel free to drop by at her blog and wish her happy birthday!!!



I will have to go now. The aspirin is taking control over my body.... Traa laa laa aa laa... *out of tune sing song melody*

P/S: 70steen, hope you enjoy the birthday song! *wink*

My Other Half

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I have been searching for days... In the cupboard? No. Under the bed? No. Between the pillows? No. Among the plushies? No. Where could it be?

At the end of the day, I remembered. Once, was wore by someone. Just the other half. Weeks after weeks, it was forgotten to be returned. Alas, there is only one left.

Probably, the other was caught in cold, in the breezy wind. Or maybe, seen sneezing after been wet all day outside the house in a rainy day? Or maybe, is somewhere, someplace, in someone's house, left behind?

I have no clue. Only one hope at this moment. Hope everything is alright and will always be.

Picture last found on someone's other foot, before he left. *sigh*

Scratching My Head

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Early morning was really awful. It was raining, and I forgot to bring my umbrella. So, I showed up, half-wet in the office today. And much worst, I was late. It is not because I woke up late, but the bus just won't let me in, as it seems that most of people are taking the bus instead of walking this morning. Why? The dreadful rain.

So, I was waiting at the bus stop for nearly 40 minutes, halfway soaked up and the best bit, showing up drippingly late! *giggles*

Overall, despite of the horrible morning tweak, I had so much fun today. Been busy, still... as the submission for this project (a community school project), is halfway through as the submission is at the end of this week (more reason to party this weekend!! Yayyyy!!!), I like it so much. As when we have something to do, or more than one thing to do, the time flies by so quickly. So, I really really enjoying it! And, when I got home. Visiting my regular blogs, I was quite shocked. I know that my blog is called The Upside Down of Me. But, after the visits, it seems like all my lovable blogger family has turned upside down. Probably, there is something wrong somewhere, or there is something not quite right. Daddy has the worst upside down sickness among all of them. He even has a special post for his downey heady day today!! I know I have a slight headache, dizziness and cold today, but does that affect the way how I 'captured' wordings or text on screen??? Probably, I should head over the nursemyra to find out what is wrong with me today. *thinking*

And, that is not all! Daddy even spread his sickness to four of my other blogger family members! 70steen, linkylove, olga and also sugar queen yummy yummy!! How could he? Or is it me? You'll find all this people has gone crazy in the comment box of this post! My oh my!!

Oh no!! I can't go to get myself examined by nursemyra. She got infected too! Oh, was it just me who having this vision? Or is it just me being paranoia?

Was it me, or was it daddy? I have no idea...

What Do You Want?

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Have you ever thought about what you want? Yes. Exactly. What is it that you always want now? Or maybe, in your life? It might be one, two, three or even more answers to this question?

I was watching a movie called STEP UP.




It was a movie with loads and loads of dance moves, now and then. Basically, it is about dancing. Anyway, forget about what the story is all about, as what I am going to say here is about the things that you want in life. Not a review about the movie. *giggles*

There was this one part, when they were talking about WANT. The girl was asking the guy, what do you want in life? But then, the guy seems to be hesitant to answer this question, and abruptly answer "...nothing."

How could a person don't have a desire, at least, to want something? As in for me, I want so many things. I want this, I want that and I guess, the list will go on and on. It won't stop, as being a human, you tend to be greedy. Always want something, as one is never enough. That is a fact.

But he answered it nicely (put up in a good words), and that makes me think. Makes me wonder. He has a good point in it. What he said was, "... it is better not to want, rather than you want something but you won't get it!" (I have tweaked the sentence, as I remember it was something different. But, I hope you get the point there). *double wink*

Part of it is true. When you always have a dream of wanting something, but then again, no matter how hard you try to achieve it, you are going nowhere and sometimes maybe strayed away and getting at the very loose end in the end... So, what is the point of wanting something but not getting it? Yes, I know that sometimes we get what we want, but that doesn't happen all the time, does it?

Therefore, as in for today mindset (as I tend to be fickle, I might change the opinion after 5 minutes, or even tomorrow or the day after, or...), I would rather go with the flow. To go wherever I was lead to... And not to have hopes, dreams or anything like. It is simply annoying to have a goal, to want something but then you won't have it.

So, that is my thought for tonight.

As in for you, what do you want? *wink*

Finally, I Feel Grown?

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Hi people!! First of all, happy weekends to everyone! *wink*

I was browsing through few blogs that I visited everyday, and I found this meme... *double wink* So, despite of going out and having a night out, I am staying in and completing this fun meme.

Have it a go! And, we'll see what you get. I am so sure that you will have a laugh on this one!

Okay, here is the how-to:-

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together and make your band’s album cover.

Have fun everyone!!! *traaa laaa laa laa laa traaaaa laaa....*

Am I Fickle?

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Today is not a good day for me. It has been a very dreadful day. I am referring to the weather. It has been so dark and gloomy, starting from the very first time I opened my eyes this morning, and even now, when I am about to close my eyes.

It  has been raining all day, and not to mention, the 'stormy' winds that come and go. I was walking back home from the office this evening with my 
'supposed-to-be-strong' pink, transparent umbrella, but it is obviously shown that the 
wind is 
much
 more stronger
than anyone could ever imagined. I broke my umbrella today. I was holding strong to my umbrella, fighting the ferocious wind in front of me as it was raining quite heavily, and then... "CRACKKKKK!!!". There goes my umbrella!!

I hate it when it is raining. I am prone to get sick everytime I get myself 'drowned' in the rain. And, without my dearest umbrella 'protecting' me today, I feel sick as soon as I reach home. I started to sneeze million of times, coughing like mad... I know I will get sick by the weekend. *sigh*

Anyway, I have something really nice to tell today. *grins* I think I am getting my senses back. This is better than usual. I think I am in love with my job now. I don't know what happened but day by day, I think I am so happy that I am what I am now. Probably, because I was so busy at work these past few weeks, and it actually makes it more realistic. I mean, why should I be so sad that my love life is a complete mess, when I am actually a career woman, indeed?!

I have a good job. I am a professional. And, there are not so many girls/women out there who has this job like I do, I earn for myself, I am living in a nice, comfy apartment, I have a blog with my blogsphere family whom I love so much, I have good weekends party time most of my weekends, I am not that ugly, as ugly as a Gollum can be, I am me, so... what is that, that 
actually that pissed me 
off the 
last time?

The best definition to explain that is just, I JUST GOT CARRIED AWAY! Life is boring if it always flow the way we want it to be. A little drama here and there will spice things up. So, I guess that is what happened to me before. *giggles*

Plus, I am a GEMINI. Thanks to Sylvie to brought this star-subject up. In my opinion, Gemini is the most fickle star among all stars. They tend to change from A to B in just a nano seconds. At one time you can see me smiling, then when you see me after, you can see me sulking. I can be this and I can be that. And, oooh... daddyP, maybe I can turn to be a Gollum as well?! *wink*

I am so aware of this, right from the start I knew that I am a Gemini. But I can do nothing to change it. This is just me. So, what do you think?

Am I fickle? *double wink*

Am I?

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Thanks to Sugar Queen. I did this. And this is ME!

You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attention In fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on you You need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivial And it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you achieve You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energy You possess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to define A natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles. Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally! Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

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I need a cold shower, and curling up on bed all day, all night long... Paranoia? Am I? Why my life would be so much like the stocks? Fluctuate. One time I was up the hill, and the other time, I was down, beneath the narrow well?

Why things can't just be normal for me? Why should I be crying, and crying all the time. Having the most scarred heart, and most painful feelings inside? Why me, why me?

What is wrong with me? I mean it!!! WHAT IS SO FUCKING WRONG WITH ME?!!!!!!

'Till then.

A Small Shit - Piccolo Merda

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I just got back from the night out starting on Friday. It was a hectic night, filled with fun, pleasure, joy, excitement, adrenaline rush, disastrous moment ever for me, a wind of scare and the paranoia event.

It has been a very one and only experience for me though. But basically, I am enjoying it as it is a night out with my fellow, dear friends and crush. *giggles*

Which explained, that include happy moment, high adrenaline rush, sexy tempo and of course fights of here and there. All of those, explained the paranoia session; whether it was me or them. Cannot be precised on this one, though. It's magnificently abstract with colourful odd patterns.

However, my mission to find a good boy out there to flirt with turned out to be failed, with flying colours!!! *giggles*

Aah, yes. There are few guys who's been flirting with me though, but it's more like sex attractions!! How can it happened like that?! When the idiotism conquers your mind, then it will be magically presented.

There are two weird guys in the action, anyway. Two guys in the same club.

First, it started with a normal conversation, like who are you, and generally stuff usually said in a first met conversation. Then... "I am so attracted to you, as you are so attractive." And at the very end, ushering his lips to gain a kiss! Hahaha... not a chance, and of course, he walked away and became too pissed. **** off!! I am not a cheapo!

Second guy, was dancing on the dance floor. Fine. Everything is okay, and he is a very cute guy. I might fall for him but not until he suddenly became the most Octopus guy I have ever met!! What is that with a carressing here and there, all over my body? A big shit!! Piccolo merda!!!

So, we went back to another friends house for the after party. It was really good. And the worst good of all was, when my crush, the one that is actually my 'best friend' now, so we got something steamy going on that particular night (Saturday daytime. Mind you, I didn't get any sleep. Was just like, maybe approximately 2 hours? And it was only on the couch!).

Oh, okay. The one steamy thing going on with my crush, I don't know. Probably we got carried away, and no, no. It's nothing like having sex or what not. It's more like, I think we are more like flirting with each other? The booze really  got us. We got like so attached, and him being a bit paranoia (blame the booze again!), and me too, and him getting so close into some fight, finding me to get the comfy-ness, so everything was like, I am the one, the only one whom he can trust, and he can love. *giggles*

Was the very good few hours moment with him. It was simple unexplicable! But, I guess we both know that it was the best bit of all the long hours. Love the moment to bits!

We ended up relaxing, nearly snooze on the couch, while everyone's dancing! Was a good bit, was really good bit!

However, on another story, I think I made a new conclusion now. Not to trust anyone, but just trust yourself, no matter how kind the person is to you. No matter what. (No, it's not about my new 'best friend', but another good friend of mind, supposedly. But, now... I think not anymore).

How can you react, if your good friend, who knows that you have a huge, gigantic crush over this one person, and she can simply, actually, not believing the truth, she's actually FLIRTING with him!! It is one worst thing ever a friend could do to another friend. It's impossibly acceptable!! Even the guy was feeling a bit weird, and keep on telling her to tranquila!
How can you react if out of nowhere, she went and hugging the guy, and sitting on his lap?! I just don't know what was the reason. To say that she was out of it, it is impossible. Because everytime when she went to the guy, she looked at me right on my eyes. What is that for? It's madness. I can't cope with this anymore. Maybe for me better to be away.

But the main thing is, even though it become a bit shit out of the whole situation, I had fun, at least. I had my moment, and I believed that it's both sides. And, I am happy with it.

Oh and of course, despite of the best bit, it ended up nastily. Went back at 7.30 in the morning, today. Took a cab with him, and back to my place, whilst he took the same cab to his house. Ended up, weirdly. Really, really weird.

But I ended up went straight to bed, as things are really really weird, I felt. Woke p at 4 this evening, and I am back to my senses. got some food from the shop, and I am all back to normal now.

Therefore, that is the wrap up of the whole situation this weekend and how it went. I guess that explained my absentism for these few days. I am off to sleep now as I have to go to work tomorrow. Sigh. So, talk to you people soon!

Perhaps, let me know what you think of my crazy weekend! Lots of kisses to everyone! *kisses and more kisses*

The Long Queue??

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It's Friday! Yayyy!!! *wink*

Been a hectic week for me, but I like it though. I mean, in a career thingy, it's awfully nice! I have been so busy with new submission, a school project. Therefore, it means purrrfect!! As I was so busy with work that time flies by, magnificently QUICK!

Now, I have a new resolution. Not a new year resolution though. But, a ME resolution, after finding myself stucked in a complete disastrous horizon of love life. *giggles*

I think (as I already told daddyP about this), I think it's about time I am supposed to go out and date, again! Flick through a new page of me, and as far as I could ever remembered, dating is so much fun anyway!

Now, what do I need is a list of people to date!! *super-wink*

It will be so much fun to see all these guys (I hope there will be at least A GUY), to impress you. But first, of course I need to have guy/s who like me?! Hmm...

Therefore, the chance is here now. And, the application is ON now!! *wink*
Spread the word, one 'cute' little twirly girl is searching for a boyfriend!! Yayyy!!

'Till then! *twirling around*

P/S: I am going out now, to have some 'chicky' fun! Hope to see new faces, so I can give 'em the application forms. *giggles*

I Blurt It Out

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Still in the sad mode (boring, boring, boring). Now, even worst. I blurt it out. I made a confession, as I have been thinking this thing through, and it seems like either or, there's nothing left for me. It's all done.

I blurt it out. I told him how I felt, and I felt so wrong. That what I did these past few days, being a hypocrite myself is totally undeniable. I told him that there is no where that we can make any good from this thing; pretending and acting cool about everything, as if everything is perfectly fine, as it is NOT!

And of course, what he said and what he keeps on repeating is that I am a nice girl, the best girl ever he has ever met, but we can just be friends. I don't ask him for options. And I don't ask him for an answer that will suits my needs. I have gone through with that stuff. It's all past already. Now, it is just the time for me to tell the tale. And, that is it. Nothing more. I don't want to expect anything from him, nor want he says something to make me happy. Not. Nothing.

And I blurt it out the fact that I am through, and I can't do this anymore. And that is the end of it. I am through with this thing, and I don't know what else to say. *giggles hysterically*

I blurt it out.

Part Two - The End Of Today

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PART TWO - THE END

Then I went for vacation (to Madrid and Paris, I didn't go out, I kind of neglecting him, and he was neglecting me...)... I came back from vacation, he went for vacation. Then we had four days to meet up before he go for his Christmas & New Year vacation. (during the time when I was in vacation, he sent me text everyday, very nice. But, when the last day I was in Madrid, things got ugly, he started back again about being best friends only... and just friend thingy).

I came back. This time things had gone really really ugly. It's only four days left before he went off for vacation. And... he refused to meet me. (I did refused before, as when he speaks about friends, best friends thingy... And, he basically threw things back at me, by saying not going to see me at all, so that's maybe better for me).

But, he did anyway. Met me, and things got more worst. I told him, I can't be like this. Pretending that I am okay, whilst I am not. I said right to me, I can't pretend anymore. I can't live by the fact that we are just friend. In fact, I just can't. So, we fought. I thought that was the end of it.

But not. He texted me, and told me that he needs a favour. To put his stuff when he's away, since he moved out from the house. (I was wondering, despite of millions friends that he has, why me!). So, as what my mum always advised me, I said yes. I am being nice no matter what.

He came in, put his stuff and go. Less than 5 minutes.

Vacation ends. Mine and his. He came back last three days, found a house on the first day (evening). But we went to parties on weekends. And he stayed in my home. But, you know what? We are so 'best friends like'. In fact, I think I am more like his 'guy' friends.

Recap; he went to Germany for new year, and I guess he got attached with one girl. Not Germans anywhere. Different. I saw her picture, as his wallpaper. When I saw that picture, I was scattered. But, I pretend that everything is okay. I didn't ask. And when he knew that I saw, he tried to hide it as much as possible. He showed me pictures. But not the girl picture. He showed me his cousins, his friends... all his guy friends. All guys pictures. But he showed me one picture of the girl. Different picture.

Idiota: This is my friend. From ******.
Me: Okay...
Idiota: What do you think?
Me: She looks dangerous. I don't like. (Being honest).
Idiota: Laughing.

A moment, in my living room... (we were having a conversation. Nice, homey conversation...).
His phone was sounding, texting with someone back and forth...
Suddenly...

Idiota: Baby... What is the meaning of N-A-K-E-D?
Me: (explaining to him, with so much hurt inside... Who would be texting him such message? And why after all the word that he knew, he didn't know the meaning of NAKED? Shitttt!!!)

I was too pissed. I was quiet for a moment. Then I excused myself to go to bed, to sleep. More of like, to bury my exquisite pain.

Idiota: Ahh.. okay. Do you have spare duvet? I sleep on the couch.
Me: (ignoring him, and go straight to bed)... as he said, it's okay that he will sleep with the jacket.

This morning, he was next to me. Sleeping. Apart, of course. Like, I am one disgusting dog-poo. Like, horrible thing next to him that he can't be near or else he will get a disease or something.

Afternoon, I said to him (texting during lunch hour):-

Me: I am so sorry for everything. I hope you know the meaning of naked now. It's perfect that you asked me this. Maybe next time, another perfect disaster meaning to ask me. No problem. It's perfect.
Me: Oh, by the way the meaning of naked is nudo. A perfect question.
Idiota: Ah, yes. Thank you. Now I know the message what is it about.
Me: Of course. Texting here and there. And ignoring me. Definite disaster moment.
Idiota: Why should I ignore you? Because I don't speak with you all the time? Why you hate my message? Can't I get message from other people? Or friend like that girl?

Evening, met him as my house keys are with him. He came over to pick up his stuff. I was cooking. Too hungry and sad. He was on the internet.

Me: Idiota, eat dinner with me? It's ready.
Idiota: No, no... I don't eat. I ate already.
Me: But, its ready. I cooked more. For my housemate and there's for you as well.
Idiota: No. Why cook? No!!

Night, he was about to go. He went to kitchen, and saw the food I cook.

Idiota: It looks so nice. How you cook so nice? Very nice. (As I already put it in the plate. I was actually already making one to him. And when he said no, it's like a stab. Like, really... it was just a dinner, and when he said NO, its like... SHIT).
Me: I told you. I cooked. Eat this. Who's going to eat this... (Feeling so angry, and sad at the same time).
Idiota: Like this, I eat. I don't go. But I need to go downstairs for a while. I come back after one hour.

After twenty minutes... he came back with loads of chocolates for me. Stayed for a while, talking, laughing, watching tv... I didn't say anything... After two hours.

Idiota: I go now... (packing few stuff).
Me: Okay.

After twenty minutes he's gone, I got a text.

Idiota: Thank you so much for everything. Seriously, really you are the best. You are a star!!! *smiley face* Kisses for you... Good night, baby.

So, that's the end of today's post. How is that? How would one would ever cope with this situation? How the **** is things supposed to be? How? Let me know how is it meant to be? To me it is all wrecked. Everything upon me, is always the same, complete disaster! That is me.

P/S: Oh, by the way... I didn't reply to the message. I was crumpled (like Daddy's P pics), on the bed for few minutes in tears, and then ended up with a half tub of Ben & Jerry's! :)

Part One - The Spill Outs

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Being naive and stupid are basically the worst of living. I am in the process of letting go and believing the fact that I am not the one. I have been living in a traumatic situation ever for the past three days. It has been the worst nightmare ever for me, as I said before in my previous post, The Esquisite Pain.

I just couldn't believed myself, of what I have done. The first time I have ever been so stupid in my entire life, naive in most possible ways and of course blinded by love (which, I don't tend to believe anymore in the near future, NOT!).

The guy that I liked, adored, giving my full attention to... despite of expecting the same in return, I get none. The truly one, supposedly (not the one I met in Barcelona. That is another head-wrecking story I wish not to share with now).

This is the story when things gone bad. Recap of the story (some days before Christmas):-

At some party (I wasn't there)...


A friend : Where's Baby?
Idiota: I don't know...
A friend : Oh, okay...
Idiota: You know what...? I like Baby. I like her so much. I want her to be with me all the time. It's like really nice. Me and her. Perfect.
A friend: So, is she your girlfriend?
Idiota: No... No... Cannot. Impossible. No...
A friend: Why not?
Idiota: I like her so much. But, it is impossible for me to take her as a girlfriend... No...
A friend: Why? What is wrong with her?
Idiota: Nothing is wrong with her... Just that, I think we can only be best friend... She's my best friend. Yes. But, I like her. Maybe I love her. I love her, her personality, everything... She's perfect.
A friend: But why just a friend? Why? I don't understand.
Idiota: I don't know. No. No girlfriend. Best friend. She is my best friend. She's the best. I want to do everything with her. She is perfect in every way...

What does that means to you, if that person is you? If you were in my shoes? How?

Another recap... (long, long, few months before the above conversation... when things started to heat up)...

Another party...

People are dancing everywhere, drinking, happy. So, I did too. I was dancing on the dance floor, and Idiota is no where to be found. So, be it. On the dance floor...

Stranger: Hi... What's your name? (and started to dance with me).
Me: Baby... And you?
Stranger: Bla bla.. (we were talking for less than 2 minutes, Idiota come out of nowhere, standing, dancing in between me and stranger).

Me: what are you doing?
Idiota: No. Nothing. I am dancing.

Few weeks after that, Idiota being super-nice.  I like. I like it so much.

Another party...

A friend: Ay, Idiota. Where's Baby?
Idiota: Why? She's there...
A friend: *giggles* You like her? 
Idiota: Ayy... *smiling sheepishly*

Everyone knows Idiota got something going on with me.

More weeks after that... (things had gone weird).

Idiota: What you said to people about us? Private stuff...
Me: What I said? What private stuff?
Idiota: I don't like, like this. You tell everyone about us.
Me: What I did? What we did? What have I said?
Idiota: No. It's okay. I don't like when it's like this. It's better we become just friend.
Me: Just friend? Am I more than a friend before? Why? Tell me.
Idiota: No... I think it is better we become just friend.

Another party... (probably two weeks after that).

Everyone was dancing... on the dance floor. Me too.
I was dancing with a guy. My friend (Butterfly's) friend.
I saw Idiota face was really angry. Really really angry. He went to Butterfly.

Butterfly: Why is your face like that? *giggling looking at Idiota's face*
Idiota: Who is that?
Butterfly: Does it really matters?
Idiota: Who is that dancing with Baby? Tell me!!
Butterfly: That is my friend. Why?
Idiota: I don't like. 
Butterfly: Idiota, if you really care. Show her that you really care. If you keep
on going like this, not good for both of you. Show her you really care about her!
 
After party (the same night)...
We were at friend's place. Dancing, drinking, chatting... There's a new girl in the party. Blonde hair. I don't like, frankly speaking. Oh, by the way, before I arrived there (I was late, and I didn't get in the same taxi with Idiota), he called me every 5 minutes, asking me where am I...

In the party, he was ignoring me. Completely. Talking to this girl. Taking this girl picture using my camera!! :(

Another party... things has gone better. We were like before. And by this time, everyone seems like acknowledging the fact that, I am with him, he is with me. (Still with me?)

Will continue in another post? Wait for more spill outs. :)

A Note

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A feelings cannot be erased as simple as erasing something on your notebook. Once you are attached to a particular person, you will always be. Either it will be part of your memories, or it will stay as long as it can be before you move on. However, and whatever it takes, it will always stays.

You cannot pretend that you don't have the feelings, towards a person anymore until your heart say so.Until it is time to move on.

And how can you possibly pretend that nothing has ever happened when the actual fact is, you are so into the feelings you had at the moment?That is why, love unattended, and love unseen... kept well beneath your hurtful feelings, pretending that nothing has ever happened. Pretending that you are okay with it, and pretending that you didn't feel a thing at all!

I cannot cope with that. It will eventually scarred my heart with millions of hideous scars one would have ever seen. But I have to. As it is meant to be that way as in for me...

I had just finished watching this one tv series, Men In Trees. One quote (not exactly as what it has been said in the series though, I didn't catch the exact phrase...), is similar like this...

"... what we had is always been there. As it is hard for you, it is hard for me too. You cannot simply erased the thing that we had before, as it was something so special and to be cherished about. Even though I am not with you, it doesn't mean that it is all gone. It is there, still and will always be there still until God knows when... Fate is fate, and we shall believe in what is fated to be ours..."

How sad it could be? As I will always wish, there will always be a silver lining on each muddy, black, horrid clouds...

Spill Out The Beans!

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Hi! Just a quick one! Do you think I look attractive enough to impress the guy I love the most?

Let me know what you think. My previous look, and now look! *giggles*

I am too insecure now, as for in too many reasons to list out! I need feedback!!

Be honest, spill out the beans! Good night! *twirling in wonders*

Valencia - The City

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I made my way to Valencia, the next morning, after the long night date with the Italian guy. It was a last minute attempt, as at first, I didn't got any place to stay in Valencia. But before I went out with the Italian guy, I found an empty hostel. So, I got my place over there.

At first, I thought it was a huge mistakes, to get a hostel right before I met this guy. Means that, I would never had a chance to see him again. It is more or less, like a 'one night stand', in a similar definition.

But, I went anyway. I went to Barcelona Sants, which is the train station in Barcelona. I bought the tickets the day before. The return ticket to Valencia, cost me about €50 plus. It's not so bad I guess. But, the trip on a train without enough sleep (I sleep for about an hour before I rushed to the train station, after meeting that guy), it was a total disaster. Plus, there were few babies in the coach, crying like it is the end of the world! It is surely give me perfect headache!

It took about 3 hours to reach Valencia, and the babies cry, accompanied me all the way through. *giggles* I sleep half of the journey.

At 3.15 pm, the train arrived, and carrying my backpack, I walked about half an hour to the hostel. It was torturing. But, the tiredness paid after I found the hostel. It was such a cheap hostel, but inside it was awesome!! Quite nice, actually. I went to my room, (was empty, as no one check-in yet), and cleaning up, and I went out to venture the city. I walked for few hours, and decided to take my dinner at 7 pm. Of course it was very difficult to find food to eat at this hour, as the restaurant starts dinner at 10 pm. So, I decided to get something from McDonalds. So, I did.


I went back straight to the hostel, and I had an early night. I sleep at 10 pm. (The time when the Spanish eat their dinner! How funny I was?).

Next day, I started the day early. I got out from the hostel at 9 am. Went to the nearest bakery, and bought myself a cup of hot chocolate, and a croissant. I found out that hot chocolate in Spain, is so thick! Its like a half melt chocolate bar! Really really thick!! But, I enjoyed it so much! Got myself comfortable in a park nearby (not really a park, more or less like a seating with few plantings), and enjoying my breakfast! After a while, I went to the tourist bus stop. Waited for few minutes and the bus came.

It is not as many as the Barcelona bus stops. Valencia only has about 12 stops altogether. I went in, anyway. It costs me about €12 for 24 hours. (Barcelona ticket; I bought for 2 days which cost me about €23).

I only made few stops. I stopped at Ciudad de las Artes y las Ciencas (The City of Arts and Sciences). It was a very nice buildings all around this area. And it took me about probably, 5 hours in there. I went in thru Umbracle. A garden with magnificent surroundings. Very futuristic. Then, I went straight to the bottom of Umbracle. There was a Titanic museum. All about the gigantnic ship. The history of it. I didn't have any pictures of it, since we can't take pictures at all! I spent about 1 hour in that majestic museum.

Then, I strolled along the side, amused by the nice, design building which shows the futuristic of Valencia, up to the modernism art. I made my way to the Palacio de las Principe Felipe. A science museum. Similar to the Titanic show, no pictures to be taken. About, nearly 2 hours I was inside the museum.

Then, I made my way to L'Oceanographic. More or less, it's like the L'Aquarium in Barcelona. But here, it divides Artic in one section, Oceans in once section and all of other places. It's too huge, and I was too tired. The trip took me about 3 hours, and I was definitely exhausted!

At the end of the day, I went to the bus stop, and waited for the tourist bus to come and I just can't wait to go back to the hostel to relax. It was very tiring.

The bus came after 20 minutes wait. I went back straight to the hostel, and stopping by at a kebab shop. Bought myself a descent dinner, and I went straight to the room. I met a couple from Finland. They were very nice, and I sleep right after I finished packing. As the next day, I am off to Barcelona, then back to Dublin.

Here are some pictures in Valencia! Have fun viewing!!

Barcelona - The Finale

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On the way back to La Rambla, I bought my brothers a Barcelona jerseys for each. Then, as usual, when the night comes, I felt so hungry. I thought of stopping by at McDonalds, but then I saw this famous shop found everywhere in Barcelona. The Pan Company. I thought of giving it a try! So, I went in.

When I was about to order, I saw this guy. He is soooooooo cute. Pretending to read the menu, to order, I felt some butterflies in my tummy. I was nervous. Silly me! So, I ordered. And I took a seat. I was eating, when suddenly I saw him, taking his break and eat at the table in front of me. I was shocked. Actually, I can't really eat. Hahaha...

After a while, his friend came over to him. And, I saw them talking and looking at me. The cute guy, is really cute. I think he is, anyway. His friend, is just okay. So, I just eat. Then suddenly, his friend was asking me, where am I from. And I told his friend (actually him), why not they come and sit with me, instead of having to shout from afar. So, they came. Of course, when this guy is sitting in front of me, I can't barely eat. Before, I was thinking and picturing of having him in front of me, so that we can introduce each other, but now when he is actually in front of me, I went crazy. What I did, of course sipping my drink over and over, even then I should never be drinking fizzy drinks, because of the stomach. (I have no choice, the drink came with the package!).

So, we talked. And later I found out that he is from Italy. An Italian guy. How bizzare! To met an Italian guy in Spain?!!What is this, me and Italian guys? Mama Mia!! *wink*

Then, his friend was suggesting that he should take me out. Oh, mind you. He barely speaks English. As how barely I speaks Italian. So, we make a date. To meet later at 10 pm. I was so excited. Then I went back home.

We met, and at first we decided to go to a club. But then, he brought me, walking all around Barcelona city. We even went to the port. It was nice. We spent the whole night walking and talking. At the end, he sent me back to my hostel, and he gave me a kiss, but somehow I seems to be holding back, as I keep on thinking the other Italian guy I like in Dublin. I felt so wrong. I knew that I like the guy who was kissing me at that time, but then again, I think I like the other guy too much! It was stupid, really. Then there goes the guy. We made a promise to meet each other on the 31st, when I come back from Valencia.

So, that was it. I really really like this guy even though when he kissed, he seems like Mr. Octopus, that suck me, actually more like eating me up! From that point of view, I knew that I made a mistake. As it seems like he likes me too much!

What did I do wrong? To be honest, I didn't do any flirting or any such like to this guy. Nada. Nope! It was plain, simple date. That's it. I wonder why and what made him over the hill! *curious look as I am thinking*

Barcelona - Part Two

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I woke up with a terrible headache one could ever imagine! It was horrible. The sangria effect!!I woke up at 9 pm, and I washed up and ready to go again. I walked along La Rambla, and I went straight to the tourist bus stop. I hop in the bus, and my journey begin.

I hop in to the Red Line, which is the North Route. It covered Paca de Catalunya, Casa Batllo (I like this place!!! It's tremendous design, amused me so much!! No straight line at all in the whole house, including the door... Not one single straight line!! Awesome!!), La Pedrera, Sagrada Familia, Gracia, Parc Guell, Tramvia Blsu - Tibidabo, Sarria, Monsetir de Pedralbes, Palau Reial, Futbol Club Barcelona, Francess Macia - Diagonal and MACBA - CCCB.


However, due to time consuming, I only managed to stop at few stops. I went to Casa Batllo, and I spent like 2 hours in the house. It is magnificent! The design amused me. As I said earlier, no straight lines ever found on the design. I like it so much. Gaudi (the Architect for this building, is simply great!!). All the design can actually blend in with the present designs. To me, I think it is more like a modern art design... that is too impossible to be ever recognised during his time, but he did it!! Heard that during his time, many people was actually mocking him as they can't actually accept the weird design that now we called it absract. But, he went with it, anyway.

Then, I made aother stop at La Pedrera, which is not too far from Casa Batllo. However, the queue was too long, and I decided not to go in. So, I went to the bus stop and hop in to another bus. I made my next stop at Sagrada Familia. The queue was too long too. So, I spent the day admiring another Gaudi's design. It is beautiful! It was started built right before 1930 (I couldn't get the exact year of when they started to build it, but then again it is not yet finish, and is due to finish in 2020.


As I didn't realized, the day has come to end. It was nearly pitch dark, and I decided to call it a day. I hop in to the next bus arriving, and I went back to Placa de Catalunya. I made a stroll and just by looking at tremendous huge amount of people in the street, simply amused me! It was like, probably thousands of people on the La Rambla street!

I was hungry, so I thought I would be better off to find myself a good meal. So, not to have the same cold-serving dish anymore, I rather not give it another try. I found a KFC (Kentucky Friend Chicken), and I went in and get my dinner. It was nice. Anyway, what could be wrong with KFC? They never serve cold food as far as I could ever remember! :)

I made my way back to my hostel, and it has been a very early night for me. I hit the sack at 10 pm.


Third day for me in Barcelona was even better. I woke up very early, at 9 am. Today is the last day for me to venture the city of Barcelona. There are few places that I thought that I should visit. First, I went to Museu de l' Erotica. It is in fact, an erotic museum. I went in, and at the entrance of the museum, I found the biggest penis I have ever seen!!! :) Then, there were the pictures, drawings of how the people before century, potrayed sex and make love. It was hillarious in a way to me, though. Then, there was also the 'satisfactio chair', at least that was it called. It is like, the chair, used by these people to gain sex satifaction. I wonder how, as I saw that basically it was made with basically steel!!! It must have been HURT! Probably, hurt to a better satisfaction? I have no idea!!

There was also a miniature, figurine of wooden dildos, kamasutra position (some of the position, had me thinking like, how can one possibly act the way as it shows?! It was obviously different, and to tell you the truth, I don't think I managed to do that!! *giggles*). And also, were few Japanese figurine, showing how the people made love, and I found it more or less, the same as the Kamastura position, including few of the difficult ones! I wonder...

Oh, and about the wooden dildos, God!! It is impossible to have a wooden dildos ever! Like, what did they thought about before they made one?!

After the short visit to the Muse de l' Erotica, I made my way to L'Aquarium. It was told to be one of the best aquarium in Europe. I went in there, with quite expensive charge. But, I went in anyway. As I thought, now I am in Barcelona, so why not?

Was fun! Saw many fishes, and Mr. Octopus. And of course, Mr. Shark! It was nice, but an auarium is always an aquarium to me. So, there I was. I spent quite sometimes in the L'Aquarium itself. I had so much fun with the underwater world!! I like.

Next, I thought of having a serious stroll to the heart of Barcelona. I went to the shopping 'district' that is surrounding Placa de Cataluya. Too many shops. Shops are everywhere. So, I went in few of the shops. Thinking of giving myself some treat! I went to Zara, MNG (as they told me it was way cheaper here, compared to Dublin - but I don't think so. Just a slight difference. And that was it!) and also Bershka! I bought few things, for me, for mama, and of course for my sister! I am a good sister, so why not? *giggles*

Barcelona - Part One

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Hi. Here I am, safe and sound in Dublin back again! *wink* However, I suddenly have the tummy pain back again. Sigh. It was terrible though.

I couldn't even move this morning. Been curling up on bed. And, seriously, I can't move. It was like cramping all over my body. I wonder why it happens again. Later this morning, I called the hospital, and told them what happened. And, they asked me to see what happens tomorrow, and if it's not okay, I will have to come to the hospital again.

Anyway, let's not talk about the sad things, but let's talk about my single vacation to Spain; Barcelona and Valencia. *another wink*

Barcelona, my personal opinion, it was super-nice! I like everything about Barcelona though. Everything is perfect. The weather, the people, the scenario, the whole wide world of Barcelona simply amused me and I am in awe! It was brilliant!!

I checked in the hostel, called Downtown Paraiso Hostel. And it seems to be the exact thing people reviewed in the Hostel World website. It was such an amazing hostel. I didn't seem to find so much trouble finding the hostel. Good direction has been given and it was tremendously awesome!! The people in the hostel are nice too. I have met few from the hostel. Nice people.

After checking in, and put my bag in the room, I abruptly went out to discover the city of Barcelona. I walked and walked and walked. It was on the 26th of December, so Barcelona is a bit low. Less people on the street but still as busy as it can be on a holiday time. I walked along the La Rambla, and loads of people were on the street. Soon, I discovered the Tourist Bus to bring you to the touristic place all around Barcelona. I bought two days ticket, that cost me about €23, and it will cover about 50 places. I think that is cheap!!

So, I hop into the bus, and my journey continues. It has three different routes. However, in December (since it is winter time, and the
day time is less than the night, it only restricted to two routes. These two route are, the Blue Line (South Route) and the Red Line (North Route). I got into the first bus I found, which is the Blue Line. It covers about 23 places; Placa de Catalunya (I hop in from this location), Casa Batllo, La Pedrera, Francesc Macia-Diagonal, Estacio de Sants (train station), Creu Coberta, Placa de Espanya, CaixaForum-Pavello Mies van der Rohe, Poble Espanyol (Spanish Village), MNAC, Anella Olimpica, Fundacio Joan Miro, Teleferic de Montjuic, Miramar-J.Costa Llobera, World Trade Centre, Colom-Museu Maritim, Port Vell, Museu d Historia de Catalunya, Port Olimpic, Platja del Bogatell-Cementiri del Poblenou, Parc de la Ciutadella-Zoo, Pla de Palau, Barri Gotic.

But of course, looking at the long list, and the time that I had left that day, I didn't manage to cover all places. I stopped by in Poble Espanyol. It was awesome. It is also called the Spanish Village. It is a very quite place, showing you how was Spain in the before century. I like it here though.

Then, I made another stop in Teleferic de Montjuic. It was a cable car trip to go up the hill of Montjuic where there is a Castell de Montjuic. The cable car is quite small, and it moved if you made any moves. It was fun though. And from up the hill, you can see the whole barcelona view from the top. Same goes when you were in the cable car. I like being up on the hill! And, at the castle of Montjuic (Castell de Montjuic), I feel like a new-born princess. *wink*

I only managed to have two stops as it was already dark at six. And the tourist bus stop around that time. After back to Plaza Catalunya, I went back to hostel. Met and made few friends in the hostel and we went to find some food! We went to this one restaurant, there are loads of people over there. (Sorry, I can't remember the name of the place - one in La Rambla!). We ordered tapas. Loads of small, small plates dishes. We ordered calamari rings, croquttes and Spanish omelette with shrimps. We didn't noticed until at some point, we saw that everyone was looking at us. Then we come to the comclusion, maybe it was because we ordered the tapas so early, like 7 in the evening, while the Spanish people, actually having their dinner at 10 pm!! Oh, but we guessed we went to the wrong restaurant too! As they served super-cold calamari rings and all the other dishes. And I had trouble eating it. I was expecting something hot! But, I ate of course! As I am so hungry!

Then we made our way, suggesting that we should be having a good stroll, after eating the dinner. So, we did! We walked and walked and walked until we come to this one shop. A tapas shop. But we didn't think of having another dinner, despite we ought to have some desserts! We ordered, and I got myself a nice strawberries and cream! It was yummy! And, we had a jug of sangria as well! The famous Spanish drink!! We got another jug later on, as one of the waiter seems to be attracted to one of my new found friend! :)

After a while, I felt like everything is flying! Then only I knew, it was the sangria. :)

I excused myself, and walked back home. But after 30 minutes walking, I was like, "where the hell I am now, and where is the hostel?!"

I know that I am going nowhere! *another wink* So, I decided to find a taxi! I looked on the street, and the street is as empty as it can be! Purrfect! After a while, I saw one taxi! I hailed the taxi, and told him the address of the hostel. Then, he was asking me again and again, like.... "you sure you want me to send you there?" like too many times, that I actually pissed off!

I said, yes and of course that is the place. I am confirmed about that! Then only he told me this... "It is only two blocks away. You can walk. Are you sure you want me to send you?"

Abruptly, I told him, "yes, of course. And don't worry. I will pay you. Seriously, just send me there!" *giggles* Silly me!

Then, after I got to the hostel, I went straight to the bed and sleep! It was one hell of a night!

Part two of Barcelona will be continued soon! Kisses!!

Here are some pictures in Barcelona!! Have fun viewing!!