Build Me Up Buttercup

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Aaahh... So, that was it? United lost to Barcelona? Sigh. But somehow I knew that United is not fit enough for Barcelona. I mean, Barcelona of all team to beat? It is impossible! :(

And the result, I am so disappointed! Shredded to pieces. And worst, somehow it does affecting my boyfriend, whom I have to say... is not in a good condition at all. So, we had a stupid fight last night. Really, really stupid. And I ended up walking back home just by myself. I really am confused of what is going on, but I feel so weak and low today... Like, blueehhhhh.... :(

Hmm, I really don't know what will happen to me and him, it is just that I am not in the right condition to actually talk to him? Na'ah. Not as yet. I am just a little bit shattered. Luckily, I already secured a job at the moment, therefore... well, it can keeps me occupy for the day. Luckily. So, I won't be mourning in the house without nothing to do.

To cheer me up and to share with you guys, here is the song that always cheer me up (even though when I looked up the lyrics, it is actually a sad song? Haha...), Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundation. Take care everyone! :)

P/S: I am working later today, 3pm to 7pm. Awesome! :)

Uhuhh, just found this song... and somehow, I think it is sooooo cheesy and it does cheer me up! :) Haha... Enjoy!

Hula Hoops of Life

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Hey! :)

Well, I have a good news and a not so good news. Maybe we will start with the good news?

Okay, here goes! I got a job interview next week, on Wednesday at 8am! Yayyyy!! My first job interview after nearly eight weeks unemployed and trying so hard applying for jobs!!! :) It is not a Quantity Surveying job obviously, looking at the scenario of the construction and economy at the moment, but... at least I have an interview to look forward to!

It is a job interview with LUSH! A soap shop. And I sent in my resume last two weeks. It is not just a resume, but I have to submit a cover letter, and it has to be NOT A FORMAL cover letter, which has to be loads of colours and nothing spells formal in that particular letter! And, I sent in one kind of cover letter, which I think I would not get a job at all if they require a normal type of cover letter. Oh, that is not all. It has to be stated in there, why they should hire me and why am I amazing? How difficult is that? I have to brag about myself, and which I did... and for the last two weeks, I nearly make a decision of never ever going to walk in the shop anymore, because I feel so embarrassed of the letter that I put that in! Haha... but, luckily with that weird letter I got myself an interview! Yayyy...

Oh, and I am so looking forward for it. Here is the copy of my cover letter!

The bad news is, I think thing has got worst with me and Mr. Boyfriend. It's just that I think we don't really get along as how we were before, and it is quite sad to be honest! I nearly forgot to tell you that last weekend, I thought it was the end. Seriously, I mean he just acting so weird (which I think because of the amount of the alcohol he consumed), but apart from that it seems like I don't actually know who he is anymore.

And today, he came over and we went for lunch (okay, hear this first. I did asked him to go for a movie, last two days but was cancelled since he wanted to watch the football and same goes with yesterday, that is why he came in today early, to make up the movie invitation that he has to cancel), then he went back home, to watch movies with his friends (which I thought it was the Watchmen - which I said he can go that without me, because I don't really favor that movie), but only to find out few hours ago that he went to see a horror movie (which, he supposedly hated it everytime I asked to watch that kind of movie)!

Maybe I am acting like a drama queen or some sort, but I am a bit pissed off. And I think I am allowed to be pissed. I asked him to go for a movie, few days ago... but got refused. And then, suddenly he went to see a movie with group of friends, and it is not a movie that he intended to watch and it is fine? I don't really want to go and watch the movie with him and friends, but when it is become so obvious that I have been excluded and all my opinions are always been shit to him, but it is okay when his friends made it, it is just pissing me off! Really.

Oh, and mind you. The group of friends, there are few girls as well. No, no. I am not jealous with them, they are nice to me. Just that, why am I being excluded? I don't really want to go, but just why?

Oh, and one more thing, last weekend as well... there is this one little filthy bitch, who claimed to be his ex (even though, his friend told me that it was just a one time act, and not even his girlfriend, etc.), just throw herself onto him, and I am in front of them watching!! Oh, and to make it worst, he did NOTHING! Nothing at all, but just looking at me! What is wrong there? Am I missing something?

I don't seem to know who he is now, already. We can't get along at all now. Not at all. Ah well...

Fickle FLowy Floo

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It's Wednesday. So, it is only Wednesday. Sigh.

It felt like it has been ages since weekends! Too occupied with work, supposedly to shorten the time, but then again... it has been decades for me! It was too long, and too lengthy to go through. It makes me feel so tired! Gosh! I sound so typically old now. Don't mind that!

Anyway, things have been good. I have been eating regularly, on time. Good healthy meal. Woke up early morning, each day without difficulties (err, okay! That is a bit off the real thing, but at least I am as optimistic as I can be everytime I woke up from bed each morning, even though sometimes the weather did pissed me off, most of the times!). But what I mean is, it is better than the last time when everytime the alarm strikes, I feel a lot, loads of pressure somehow to move myself, away from bed. Impossible yes, but its a fact about me for you to know! *giggles*

What more? Ah, I am more sensible now in terms of dividing my weekends between night life and living like a normal person can be. It's not about going out all night all weekends anymore. It's like once in a while, and I know that I have been complaining about it before of how strange it is to stay at home and not going out, the urge to go out just too tempting and I can't even stand still, watching the clock swift slowly from one minute to another... but hey, I guess I am back on the normal track now, where I don't even mind about that anymore, at least not as bad as it was before!

I wonder how can I possibly be so positive as I am today (despite of the weather - which is crap today, even though we did have a few minutes of sunny afternoon for a while!). It's just unbelievable! But then again, this is me. I can be so unpredictable most of the times, and being fickle is just so me! Wait 'till tomorrow, or maybe even few hours after... I might be scribbling something really negative that soon will definitely put you off and wondering,

"What is wrong with this little girl?! Aha!! She is fickle, alright!"

So, I will chat to you guys soon! Take care and have a nice evening, ahead! *twirl dramatically*

Back to Beautiful Life?

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It's Monday, but then again its a holiday. Today is the August Bank Holiday for Dublin. I was out last night, to see Ben Sims playing in Andrews Lane. It's not to bad I must say. *wink*

Got back home at half six in the morning, as we went to an after party in friends house. It was brilliant. Nothing much to report, but one thing I have discovered. We will somehow ought to be abide by what we have and somehow, it will be a routine. Ah, I know I did not make sense at all, on everything I said here.

But here goes... I just discover something, I am so cannot be angry or mad at one person (no matter who they are, but this would happened if he / she is close to me), no later than two days. Somehow, it tells that whether I am naive and stupid, or I am a good girl with good feelings inside that barely let me have the negative things inside? But what I opt for is the first one. I think I am naive and stupid. But am I?

Oh and one more thing, I think I hate confrontation. That is why, everything should be all okay. So that it won't lead to commotion and disaster scenario, instead a beautiful normal life style, would be better I must say.

I just wish that, no more confrontation to be let happened, instead... I just want everything to be normal. What is so wrong to have a normal scene? Somehow, fights, silent-treatment, etc. is just simply not worth it. I just want things to be normal. When it was normal, everything was so fun.

Everyday filled with laughters, smiles, stupid jokes, gigglings and happy things basically everyday. It was so much fun. But now its more about not talking, quiet-worst than the library, sad faces, weird faces, reluctant to even say something... its obviously huge difference from what it was used to be.

Uhuhh, if only I had a wish, I only wish for it to be back to normal. Somehow, I do miss the ol' times. Somehow, how I wish...

A music from Infected Mushroom, I wish... Somehow, I think the music is addictive? ;)

INFECTED MUSHROOM lyrics

Silent Mind

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Hi everyone. It's weekends at last.

It wasn't starting very good this evening. I had a stupid row. Or shall I say, beyond lunatic minds? It's too stupid to even get into such row! It's such a kiddy thingy. But, I can't really portray in words, instead... while I was browsing the net, I found Happy Bunny, and somehow it cheered me up! Here are some which, I thought I ought to say out loud!!

It was beyond absurd! And, seriously... now, I can't stop thinking what is really wrong that he ought to pick up fights? For stupid, silly things?

Good God. I thought I was the one who was having the PMS, and it turns out, it's not just me.

World is seriously, turning upside down.

One Sunday Morning

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It is a beautiful Sunday morning. The sun shines brightly. And it looks like it's going to be a good day ahead. My mind swirls deliberately. Thinking of what is actually going on with my life.

It has been so strange. It is so complicated. How would you portray a guy who is trying to be a friend or a guy who is trying to be your boyfriend? My heartbeat race to the fullest. There is no way saying how and which gesture should I be taking to know what is right and what is NOT.

I know, I am being complicated, again... with this formula of life, love and trouble. The thing is, everything seems perfectly fine. I have him with me. I met him, at least once a day. It's just that... I feel strange!

Now, I have this thought on my mind. Is it really me who always create trouble, when everything runs smoothly? He is being nice, all the time he is there... and I am being super-paranoid because of nothing. Does that means I am the trouble ones, not just for this one but for all the mislead in love throughout my entire life?

Does that actually means I am craving for tears, heartbroken and the shattered feeling? Longing for the exquisite feeling that somehow it will break me into pieces? What is wrong with me?

What is it that I want, actually? Does that mean I want more that what is offered? And if I don't get it, it would pissed me off, and I would be in my original state of mind, being wrecked? Is that what I actually want? What I am longing for? Isn't that spell, "strange"?

Or maybe all this feeling actually showing that I have doubt on what he is giving now, and the fact that he is now different from the past (when he used to be a jerk), keep me having doubt and more doubt about it that I can barely feel secure, at all, anymore?

I am too confused. I don't really know what is going on, and it actually driving me nuts!

Was it his changes that bother me, or was it just me all along right from the first time? What is going on?

Plan Destroyed?

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I am in tears. It can't just stop running throuhg my eyelids. I just can't stop this sad feeling burning inside. Somehow, I just realized that I am completely alone here. I have no one. And I am one useless goddess ever created in this whole wide world.

I ad a plan, of a birthday getaway sometimes in the middle of June. But just... just within a day, it all collapsed and scattered on the floor. No more happy and fun joyful birthday vacation, that I ever dreamed of.

Then, with that... comes the fact, that I am so alone in here. How hard is it to have someone who you can call a friend and a shoulder to cry on? How hard is it to not to be alone? How hard is it not to celebrate a year older, with the people that you love and love you back? It is not just a life-partner, a boyfriend or a crush, but a friend?