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Friday, December 12, 2008

So, it is an "X"?


Remember when I was telling you about the phrase, "I Love You" thingy? It's way beyond complicated now. I mean, I just started thinking. Do you think men don't really say it out loud? Or there is only a group of men who doesn't say it but really care for the girl, and there is another group of men who doesn't say it because he just simply not so into that girl? Is there any classification of these men around us? Do you really think so?

How long would it take for a man to realize that he likes and probably falls for a girl? I guess the answer would be, it depends on what type of man he is. But then again, how many types are there? One, two or fifty, hundreds or even thousands or millions?

Everytime, I got a text... and wanted to reply back, and then... was hesitate for a moment, at the end of the message, like... what should I write besides xxx? Noted now, that xxx would simply represent kisses... like normally, how to end a text, I pressume. But then, is that just it? Should I put in, "love you!" or something like that? But the fact that, I have not received anything similar verbally or written, why should I? Would not it be awkward enough if I did so?

Unfortunately, my temptation to see what will soon arise, I did that anyway last night. After a normal, good night text to reply, I ended my message with (I must say it is a bit awkward since it comes from me initially...), "love 'ya!!". To make it as casual as possible. Huh! As if!!

And worst of all the horrid things in this whole wide world, I got a reply. And it was inexplicable as ever, but somehow it does not really cheer me up in relation to this whole situation.

What I got, is an "X" reply. Just that. And that is it.

Like what on earth was that supposed to mean? An X to say "No"? Or an X to say, "unappropriate word"? Or just an X to simply means, a rejection?

It bothers me. It really does. Oh by the way, we talked. Normally today. Like the usuals. But then again, the thing just gone. Like, gone gone. And I would never know whatever things that he has thought about lunatic b4by! Thank you to my genius brain to think such thing last night! Another silly me moves! Ah well... silly me!

So, what do you think?

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Am I Really That Useless?

I am here, with my laptop, finishing up my assignment. I couldn't stop myself from thinking the facts, though. I mean, I think I am right all along with my definition of relationship. I mean, my relationship.

What is going on with me? I can't even place what is actually really wrong. I mean, we had fun together. We went to movies, we went for dinner, we hang out and just being cosy and lazy watching some sappy, chick flick movies on the couch... it just seemed so normal, yet there is something missing!

Honestly, it seems that something is really not right. It's just that I don't think that he likes me the way I do. As much as I do, and obviously... I don't think that he even loves me at all! When I looked at him, it just doesn't feel right. And, to be honest, it is kind of sad.

One more thing. If you are in a relationship with a person, and the fact that you are leaving in the same city of the person, you would have at least text her once a day, just to say hello or how are you thingy, right? But, he seems weird! I mean, he doesn't even care if he didn't text me for one day. He would eventually, text me like after two or three days later, and made things look so normal, and with that, it will eventually put me at stake of being a lunatic girlfriend! But obviously, I didn't say that to him! He should know that! I mean, it's not just about the text! It's about thought! Usually, people said, "it's the thought that counts!". But this means what?

For me, I want my boyfriend to actually care about me, but not that I want him to be with me all the time! That would simply spells, CLINGY! I wouldn't want a clingy ones. But the fact that he cares for me, and like care to know what I am up to for today but I can do whatever I want with my friends, does matter. But him? He just ignores me all day all week, until he feels like he wanted to know where I am!

Maybe this is a huge mistake. Maybe I shouldn't be with him, and should just stop all this nonsense? Is all this, nonsense?!

Ah, what a terrible things to be concluded with! And by the way, I didn't go out last night, but stayed at home and completing my assignment. But he did. Went out with all his friends, as always! Am I really that not important to him?!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

For Real Or Fantasy?

Hey all. Picking up myself from the ground, to make myself well enough to jot down something! Been too busy at work and college too! Group work has shattered me into pieces. Bossy people around just pissed me off big time, especially when you keep on sneezing and couldn't even think of what are the best things to say... :(

Just finishing off my assignment, and thought why not I just drop in and jot in something. As I do have something in my mind that bothers me a little bit.

As always, love-life. Not that I am complaining. Everything is well now. Just that, I don't really know what is going on. I mean, yeah. He is officially my boyfriend. Damn, it feels so good! It really has been a while since I had a boyfriend! :)

But I was just wondering, is like and love two different things? I think it is. And I am not sure myself really, do I love him or I just like him? And what does he thinks? FYI, he never said that he loves me yet... I am confused when it comes to guy matters! They are just weird enough to be understood!

Is that just a common thing and it doesn't really matters? Or does he actually planning to just playing around with my feelings? But, I have met loads of his friends, and it is so nice when he keeps on saying, "... this is my girlfriend..." Like, an official label, which I have been seeking for months! Not that I am desperate enough, just that it's so nice to be someone's girl. :)

And I have kind of good relationships with his friends too. I mean, they are being so nice to me. And I do appreciate that loads from him! But still, am I for real? Is he really into this relationship or it is just me? Ah, another FYI, we have been two months, approximately been together. I have been Mrs. Kells for about two months now, and it feels great! But I do get paranoid, like thinking about this... whether is it just a patch and soon will be gone like others, or it is for real. I can't deny that. I do feel insecure. How would I know without having him to say that he loves me? Complicated!

Tell me what you think. Till then, I will talk to you soon enough! Going to bed now. Nites!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I Am Still Alive

Hey all. Sorry for not being around. Been sick the whole time since I came back from Amsterdam! And it is getting worst actually. I did not go to office on Friday as well. Was too wrecked! I can barely even sleep at night nowadays, with all the coughing late at night. It's bothering me big time! There's no sign that it is going to stop any soon.

I was just stopping by here to jot something in here, so that you guys know that I am still alive, but nearly dying... If anyone, would ever let me know what is the cure to have a pleasant night sleep, with the coughing off my bedtime, please.... let me know. I can't tolerate the night coughing session anymore. It is killing me, badly...

I promise I will catch up with you as soon as possible. Thank you for all the votes, and I will be back and will try my best to vote you back. I am really sorry...

Good night.

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