Tick Tock Tick Tockk!!

Friday, December 12, 2008

So, it is an "X"?


Remember when I was telling you about the phrase, "I Love You" thingy? It's way beyond complicated now. I mean, I just started thinking. Do you think men don't really say it out loud? Or there is only a group of men who doesn't say it but really care for the girl, and there is another group of men who doesn't say it because he just simply not so into that girl? Is there any classification of these men around us? Do you really think so?

How long would it take for a man to realize that he likes and probably falls for a girl? I guess the answer would be, it depends on what type of man he is. But then again, how many types are there? One, two or fifty, hundreds or even thousands or millions?

Everytime, I got a text... and wanted to reply back, and then... was hesitate for a moment, at the end of the message, like... what should I write besides xxx? Noted now, that xxx would simply represent kisses... like normally, how to end a text, I pressume. But then, is that just it? Should I put in, "love you!" or something like that? But the fact that, I have not received anything similar verbally or written, why should I? Would not it be awkward enough if I did so?

Unfortunately, my temptation to see what will soon arise, I did that anyway last night. After a normal, good night text to reply, I ended my message with (I must say it is a bit awkward since it comes from me initially...), "love 'ya!!". To make it as casual as possible. Huh! As if!!

And worst of all the horrid things in this whole wide world, I got a reply. And it was inexplicable as ever, but somehow it does not really cheer me up in relation to this whole situation.

What I got, is an "X" reply. Just that. And that is it.

Like what on earth was that supposed to mean? An X to say "No"? Or an X to say, "unappropriate word"? Or just an X to simply means, a rejection?

It bothers me. It really does. Oh by the way, we talked. Normally today. Like the usuals. But then again, the thing just gone. Like, gone gone. And I would never know whatever things that he has thought about lunatic b4by! Thank you to my genius brain to think such thing last night! Another silly me moves! Ah well... silly me!

So, what do you think?

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Am I Really That Useless?

I am here, with my laptop, finishing up my assignment. I couldn't stop myself from thinking the facts, though. I mean, I think I am right all along with my definition of relationship. I mean, my relationship.

What is going on with me? I can't even place what is actually really wrong. I mean, we had fun together. We went to movies, we went for dinner, we hang out and just being cosy and lazy watching some sappy, chick flick movies on the couch... it just seemed so normal, yet there is something missing!

Honestly, it seems that something is really not right. It's just that I don't think that he likes me the way I do. As much as I do, and obviously... I don't think that he even loves me at all! When I looked at him, it just doesn't feel right. And, to be honest, it is kind of sad.

One more thing. If you are in a relationship with a person, and the fact that you are leaving in the same city of the person, you would have at least text her once a day, just to say hello or how are you thingy, right? But, he seems weird! I mean, he doesn't even care if he didn't text me for one day. He would eventually, text me like after two or three days later, and made things look so normal, and with that, it will eventually put me at stake of being a lunatic girlfriend! But obviously, I didn't say that to him! He should know that! I mean, it's not just about the text! It's about thought! Usually, people said, "it's the thought that counts!". But this means what?

For me, I want my boyfriend to actually care about me, but not that I want him to be with me all the time! That would simply spells, CLINGY! I wouldn't want a clingy ones. But the fact that he cares for me, and like care to know what I am up to for today but I can do whatever I want with my friends, does matter. But him? He just ignores me all day all week, until he feels like he wanted to know where I am!

Maybe this is a huge mistake. Maybe I shouldn't be with him, and should just stop all this nonsense? Is all this, nonsense?!

Ah, what a terrible things to be concluded with! And by the way, I didn't go out last night, but stayed at home and completing my assignment. But he did. Went out with all his friends, as always! Am I really that not important to him?!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

For Real Or Fantasy?

Hey all. Picking up myself from the ground, to make myself well enough to jot down something! Been too busy at work and college too! Group work has shattered me into pieces. Bossy people around just pissed me off big time, especially when you keep on sneezing and couldn't even think of what are the best things to say... :(

Just finishing off my assignment, and thought why not I just drop in and jot in something. As I do have something in my mind that bothers me a little bit.

As always, love-life. Not that I am complaining. Everything is well now. Just that, I don't really know what is going on. I mean, yeah. He is officially my boyfriend. Damn, it feels so good! It really has been a while since I had a boyfriend! :)

But I was just wondering, is like and love two different things? I think it is. And I am not sure myself really, do I love him or I just like him? And what does he thinks? FYI, he never said that he loves me yet... I am confused when it comes to guy matters! They are just weird enough to be understood!

Is that just a common thing and it doesn't really matters? Or does he actually planning to just playing around with my feelings? But, I have met loads of his friends, and it is so nice when he keeps on saying, "... this is my girlfriend..." Like, an official label, which I have been seeking for months! Not that I am desperate enough, just that it's so nice to be someone's girl. :)

And I have kind of good relationships with his friends too. I mean, they are being so nice to me. And I do appreciate that loads from him! But still, am I for real? Is he really into this relationship or it is just me? Ah, another FYI, we have been two months, approximately been together. I have been Mrs. Kells for about two months now, and it feels great! But I do get paranoid, like thinking about this... whether is it just a patch and soon will be gone like others, or it is for real. I can't deny that. I do feel insecure. How would I know without having him to say that he loves me? Complicated!

Tell me what you think. Till then, I will talk to you soon enough! Going to bed now. Nites!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I Am Still Alive

Hey all. Sorry for not being around. Been sick the whole time since I came back from Amsterdam! And it is getting worst actually. I did not go to office on Friday as well. Was too wrecked! I can barely even sleep at night nowadays, with all the coughing late at night. It's bothering me big time! There's no sign that it is going to stop any soon.

I was just stopping by here to jot something in here, so that you guys know that I am still alive, but nearly dying... If anyone, would ever let me know what is the cure to have a pleasant night sleep, with the coughing off my bedtime, please.... let me know. I can't tolerate the night coughing session anymore. It is killing me, badly...

I promise I will catch up with you as soon as possible. Thank you for all the votes, and I will be back and will try my best to vote you back. I am really sorry...

Good night.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Me, The Bad Vibes?

Hey. Just got back from a club. Finishing up the trip report, and now I thought I want to scribble something too.

I don't know whether I am being paranoid or it is happening actually. I need comments on this, definitely.

The night that I came back from Amsterdam, it was on Tuesday night. The boyfriend was over at my place, and he went back the next day! I was completely wrecked. I was sick, that's why he was there. But that's not the point! When he went back the next day, to his car (he was driving and parked his car in the parking space outside my apartment), his car was robbed, back windows were smashed to pieces and then the whole car was burnt down! Police were over and it took ages to finish the whole thing with them! That's one thing. I can't stop having the thought that I am a wrecked head! I brought him bad luck! It was me, that he got that scene! If he was not here at my place, none of that could happened. Luckily, the car was insured.

Second, I went for a date with him last night to a cinema, watching James Bond. It was a great movie. Then, we went back to his place to chill out with few of his housemates, girls and boys. It was fine. Then, I slept over there and woke up today, he made breakfast and everything. Was perfect. Then, was chilling over at his place, and he wanted to go out with them friends as one of his friends is dj-ing over in the club. He was asking me if I wanted to go, but I said I don't know. The thing is, Marta is living so far now. And I barely have anyone else who is close enough with me that I can trust to go out with. So, I feel a bit out of place even though he was supposed to be my boyfriend. But, I went.

Ah, before that... when we were chilling after the breakfast, one of his friends just came back from Peru, and was chilling with us too. Out of nowhere, or maybe I heard it wrong... but he said something like he is going away next year for few months all over Europe. Just to experience things. Like, is that it? I mean, does that means he is just going to go away? Like, just away?

Okay, then in the club... I think everything just went wrong. I mean, I used to be so bubbly and known as a chatterbox all the time, but I just don't know why I just shut myself the whole night through! And, somehow I think he is acting strange as well! Maybe I am feeling so paranoid, but I think I am feeling the right thing. I just feel unwanted! That is what I actually felt. Seriously. Out of place.

Then, he was asking me that am I going with him to an after session, after the club. He was telling me that he just going to get drunk and back to his place with few friends, if I want to come with him, but he keeps on telling me that somehow I feel like he don't want me to be there. Like what is actually going on? After being too long to be stupid and silly in the club, I told him like, I just want to go home. Then, he sent me to the road and get me a taxi. I just don't feel good at all!

For me, I don't think he really cares about this relationship that we are having. Somehow, I am not really that important to him. And, what I did is just giving him more nightmares, with the car get burnt down and everything. And even, if I stayed, and holding to this relationship, obviously it is going nowhere if he really has planned that he is going away for few months next year. It's a hopeless relationship. Pointless.

So, I really really feel strange and weird at the moment, that I thought I think the best thing to do is just to end this relationship before it got any further. Obviously, it means nothing to him at all! Another failure job from me! I was thinking of ending it by just ignoring him. He will be fine I think, but I don't think I will though. God, this is very hurtful!

Let me know what you think, besides of telling me I am a nutcase! I am, alright. :)


Part 2 - Gent & Amsterdam

So, there we were... in the Dam! *wink*

It was a good fun! We went from train station, being so foolish, don't know how to get to the hostel, then we got a taxi from the train station! Unfortunately, the hostel was only less than five minutes drive, but the taxi driver charged us fifteen quid! What an arsehole! With the reason, he is the chartered cab! Silly us, we can't really afford to perform such drama, so we just nodded!

We went to the hostel, check in, put the bag in the lockers, and off we went to bed! Was a great four hours sleep, as we woke up again later, and freshen up, and continue our main attraction in Amsterdam! COFFEE SHOP!

Did you know that it is legal to smoke joints in Amsterdam? *grins* So, we went to one after another coffee shop with big grins, and walk around the city! We were giggling now and then, as we were too high with the 'legal cannabis!'

We just walked around the city, with loads of shops aligns on the street. Then we even went to the Red Light District! There were girls displayed behind the windows. Tapping the windows when everytime guys passed by. Like promoting themselves. Ah, prostitution is legal as well in Amsterdam. It's like the classic way of purchasing a prostitute! But, when we walked pass through, and because of too high, we were giggling along the way, we can't deny that we got few angry stares from this girls! It was hilarious.

We keep on doing the same thing for three days and two nights we were there. It was brilliant! On the last day in Amsterdam, we got really really tired and stoned as well! I started to get cough and flu. Been sneezing around. When it was the time to go to the airport, we looked like a zombie, more or less the same! We just on time in the airport, and we basically nearly missed the flight! *giggles*

When we arrived in Dublin airport, things got more worst! We looked completely wrecked! We dragged the bags, and pass the custom / immigration when the lady is actually stopped us and was asking us where we were flying from. After we told her that we from Amsterdam, she quickly asked us to scan the bags! It was so funny. I thought that we looked really really dreadful that we became so suspicious to look at! Luckily, she didn't ask to search our bags! We did bring back something! *wink*

That's the whole story of the trip! I would want to do it again though. But there is no more music festivals like that, as such in the time being! Plan for next year, probably! I'll put up pictures soon, but it is a dreadful pictures! Even the pictures from I Love Techno! I was just too wrecked to snap a shot! :)

Good night!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Part 1 - Gent & Amsterdam

I am back!!! I was here, back in Dublin on Tuesday night, to be exact! But I only have a chance to scribble in today! Pheww!! Loads to tell.

Trip to Gent, Belgium was great! But, we were quite dissapointed with the food price in Belgium! Surprisingly, it was so expensive that we are quite shocked. It is unbelievable! And it is not just about the food. The fare for tram, services, etc. were completely insanely high! However, despite of all that, I still enjoyed I Love Techno. It was brilliant. There were like 35,000 people in a big, huge warehouse that later turned into a gigantic sweat box ever! It started at seven in the evening, and ended at seven the next morning! It was a blast! All my favourite djs were there, and the climax of the event went you were dancing there to the tunes with thousands of people you don't even know, but up to the same rhythm! It was so cool! Met my boyfriend over there with his friends, and him... with a little hat headband on his head! Adorable but sweating madly! We had a good time, seriously... a good time over there! Magnificent!

Then, after the event finished, we went straight back to our bed and breakfast (not with my boyfriend, but with Marta... my little Polish sister!), and packed and tried so hard to stay awake as we have to check out by ten. It was the dreadful event ever! We were so tired, but have to stay alive! So, we managed! Then, we dragged our luggage, a big mess inside, to the nearest tram station to get to the train station to Amsterdam!

Trust me on this! It was dreadful! I mean, it's killing us! Looking zombie-ish with two bags, followoing us behind! We got the tickets, but soon we realized that we have to change a train somewhere in Antwerp! More disastrous! How could you ever stay awake in this kind of situation?! We were holding up the eyes, badly... just to stay awake! Ah, not to mention that we looked completely, totally unattractive at all! Ha ha ha...

Changed the train, and got a two hours train to Amsterdam! Marta just couldn't had her eyes open no more, so she felt asleep. It was only me who tried to stay awake until we got to Amsterdam! Funnily enough, I just didn't know what I was thinking, suddenly when it was supposed to be another hour to Amsterdam, I woke Marta up and told her, we are in Amsterdam. We dragged the bag and jumped out from the station. Somehow, Marta got the courage to ask this lady in the station, only to find out that it was only Rotterdam! It was hillarious! As we have to get our asses back to the train to continue another hour journey!

To be continued. Stay tuned. *wink*

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Chipping In

Hello! :)

I can't wait for my trip to Brussels, Belgium for I Love Techno this coming Thursday! Should be fun! Then, we're heading to Amsterdam on the 16th until 18th then, back here in Dublin.

Well, that is the fun part of it, but of course in my terms... there is always the bad terms included as well. Somehow, I have been tormented by ESB, electricity bills recently. They were supposed to get off the money for the bills next month, but somehow they took it out this month, and it is more than they should! Some sort of estimated bills for the following months! And it is not a small amount. Was nearly 500euro. And I have been left with only few pennies!! (since October has 5 consecutive weeks... another bummer! So, more expenses!!)

With that, I am very curious about how am I going to cope with no money at all for the travelling!! As estimated expenses, I am short about 400euro! And it is not good! First, I hate to ask from friends and my mom, especially my mom as she has helped me for the deposit of my house and loads of things, so the bottom line is DOOMED!

I only have few more days to find out how to overcome this problem, and I don't see any other ways rather than asking for a lend from friends. And it is not easy too!

If I could, I would join people who begged on the bridges in Dublin who asked for money to stay in hostels, etc. but my banner / signs would say something like, "Please donate for my funtime in I Love Techno this coming weekends! Appreciate that loads!!".

Pathetic?! I know. But I am doomed now. Have been planning about this since last two months, and when this happened, it just left me in mute!

In what ways can I obtain 400euro in 4 days? Sigh. Bummer.

P/S: Oh, by the way... I think I am in a relationship now. I am someone's girlfriend now. ;) So thrilled, as it has been a while! :)

Friday, November 7, 2008

Happy 60th Birthday!!

Hey there. I thought I might missed it, but alas... there are few more hours left for me to say this out loud!

So, it's the Old Git's Birthday today. And well, well, well... How did he affects my blogging life?

As for a start, he is always a charmer! I know I should not caught be saying this... but hey, it's his day today. He deserved to be 'pampered'!! *wink* He knows how to say the nicest words even though somehow sometimes it does come in weird packages! But deep inside, you know that he is actually cares about people around him! He was just pretending that he doesn't, but the fact is he does. *another wink*

He is always an optimist. He would tried very hard to overcome one's sadness by pulling out unthinkable words that somehow cracks you into a laughing box! He always knows how to pull the best bit of any occasion, so that's daddy!! :)

In short, to summarize all this... he is a star! He is and will always be. And I don't think that it is only me who's saying this, but as far as I am concern, basically most of all his club members admit this statement! He is a star!!

Never fails to cheer people up!! So, I would like to take this precious opportunity, to wish him Happy Birthday, and may all your wishes come true, daddy!! Keep on blogging and I am proud to announce that you are simply among the best person I have ever known! Kudos to you! *twirl*

*a big twirl to celebrate daddy's birthday!!*

P/S: sorry for the late 'announcement'!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Like Means What?

Hey. It was a long day for me today. It's the college day. And today is worst. It is the group discussion thingy. We had this submission next week, including the presentation for one subject - more like Project Development course.

So, I went. We had not really a discussion, but it was a long day in college. Was too tiring. Everyone started to say this and that. And, uhuhh... it is annoying!

Then, went back home, and there were the happy times to stay at home and being lazy. It was nearly 5 in the evening when I'm home. Mr. Tall Guy came over. And we had dinner. Takeaways. Was good and fun. Then, I was thinking. What is going on with us at the minute? Are we labelled as boyfriend and girlfriend material, or it's more like seeing each other for fun?

I know I did sound so old, but hey... I need confirmation, yes? After few talk with him, he said that... (this is the exact word from him), "...I like you, and I want to go out with you".

And would I ask this one for another clarification? What does it means by "something too serious?". It just bothers me so much! It's not that I am going to ask him to marry me, but at the same time, I am not going to let people see me as a whore with a guy, without any relationship! It just bothers me so much, that I feel stupid! Really.

At this point, I think I have made the wrong decision to actually going out with him. I think he is too young, and he just want to play around, rather than having a normal relationship? Do you think the same?

Why would thing always become so complicated when it comes to me and my love life? What I know now is, I am so ultimately unlucky in things called love. I think I might called it a day, though!

Sucks big time!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Me Likey?

Hey. It has been a normal day today, but somehow I felt so lazy and tired to wake up and take shower to go to work. It's so cold, and there are so many reasons to stay in bed. But, everything needs to be done in the office. So, I really need to be there in the office, as I will not be there tomorrow as I have college! Sigh.

Tiring. But, I went anyway. When I was preparing to go to office, made myself a cup of hot coffee, I looked out the window, and I saw sleet on the rooftops! So, it was really cold last night. It was right, that the temperature was minus one!

Was such a boring day in the office today, but anyway... the good news is, got my holidays approved. Ah, forgot to share you guys, the news. I was asked to finish off my holidays. I have five more days left, and I have to clear it up by December!

So, I am going to Belgium (Brussels), on the 13th 'till 18th November. There will be an event in Brussels, on the 15th and the rest of the days, I might go to Amsterdam then back to Dublin. Ah, well. We'll see. Anyway, I am going to I Love Techno festival in Brussels on the 15th. Few of my favourite djs are playing over there. Would be fun!

Well, about Mr. Tall Guy. Hmm, haven't heard anything from him today. And I don't even bother to text him to ask how is he, anyway. Because I was thinking like, if he don't even care what is going on with me, why should I be? But the fact that he is actually, practically ignoring me, just bothered me so much! Then, only I realized. I think I like this guy. Sigh.

So, that is about it for today. I am still not going to text him though. I just can't be so hopelessly in love. It's bad for me! :(

Talk soon, people!! Kisses.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

It's Minus?

Hey there. Walking down to the bus stop seems like transforming myself from being a normal human being to a frozen salmon in the freezer! It was so cold this morning, while walking to the bus stop this morning, to go to work! It was really really cold, that I barely feel my hands! Could not even texting on a phone, as the fingers seemed to awkward to press any buttons at all!

Been half busy in the office earlier on. Catching up few stuff I left behind on Friday, and luckily its not so bad after all. So, I guess it was right. My prediction before. Monday is the cause why we are being so sluggish back to work, after weekends madness. Things are different when the day is called Tuesday. It has always been Monday, the worst day of all! Always.

Had a good weekend, as I did went out on Sunday, and Mr. Tall Guy was being so nice, sending my friend back home, which took us half an hour drive to get there. He is so adorable! Then, we went to get myself a dinner, a fish and chip meal. And we were just being lazy back to my house, with some crappy tv shows, but it was very nice. It's so cosy, and I am just so comfortable having him around!

Met his friends on Sunday, and surprisingly they were so nice to me. Was such a pleasant event! Have to admit that, I do feel a bit awkward and shy, somehow. I know, I know. I would never have had this kind of scare of the friends, thingy before. But it just happened.

Somehow, the phrase, "when you date a person, you date his/her friends too" is so true! It's true that i don't really care what people think, but if a guy I am dating with, has few friends, and they hate me... well, that doesn't seem right at all! That's why. Uhuhh, I hope you got the point, though.

Well, it has been so cold now as well. I've been wrapped myself with few layers of t-shirts, and jumpers, and the heater is on, and it is still cold! And the temperature now is -1 degree. Minus. But it is in Dublin, so no way that there is going to be snowing or such like. But still, it's freezing. Probably, I should change my name now to Frozen Baby Salmon? ;)

Okay, that is all for today! Have a good night, people. And see you again soon! *kisses*

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Just Another Plain Sunday

Good morning, everyone.

I have been curling on bed for so many hours, wondering why I could not sleep and with the result, I woke up so early today. Just to realized that, it is a daylight saving time last night. Therefore, there is another additional one hour less, to what we already had before. No wonder!

It is already Sunday, but the fact that I don't have to go to work tomorrow, Monday... is such a pleasant thought! No work on Monday simply means, bliss! But, as starting from Friday, I haven't been out from the house, but stay in my cocoon until today! I have to go out somehow. I feel so lazy and sluggish with my new style of living! Staying home doesn't do me any good!

Ah well, I am rather confused or more confused. If I go out, I will definitely get soaked or shivered to death! It is so cold outside, and the wind is not helping at all! Feels like blowing away, like Miss Mary Poppins. Just that this Mary Poppins is without the umbrella. I gave up with umbrella, already... I think.

I can't stop thinking of what are the things I should be doing today. And, the result is, NONE. Nothing that I can think of. It's so bad when the weather is crap, and you are broke! It's so annoying actually! Had a friend who owes me money, but despite of giving it to me, he rather be with some girl and told me that he can't see me yesterday to give me the money! How selfish a person can be? I can't tolerate this nonsense anymore. Just pissing me off! And I can't really go to him as well, as I am too broke! He is so far far away!

Damn! What a lousy weekend. Well, I guess I better put on the kettle and make myself a cup of coffee or tea, to keep me warm and sensible! :) I might go out tonight, I think. I just need to go out, and just to be outside the house, and meeting people. This is what happened when you are living by yourself. Duuh. I am so bored.

Really really bored at the moment, and doomed! Sigh.

Ah, it started to rain again! Yikes.


First Time?

Hey. Weather today has been really weird. It has been raining all day, and I can hear the raindrops tapping on my balcony table outside the balcony. It is a pleasant but annoying noise at the same time.

I haven't gone out from the house ever, at all since yesterday. I think I am cocooning myself in the house, with instant noodle and few bits of sitcoms re-runs. I could not even go out as well, even though if I feel like going out. I am broke, I am so dead broke. We are not getting paid, at least not until next week. How horrible it could go wrong?

Mr. Tall Guy is over at County Laois to his parents since Friday, but then he will be back tonight. He might come over to say hello, later on I think.

There is the other issue with Mr. Tall Guy. I think he is so shy. He is actually. In an odd way. Is it possible that he has never had a girlfriend before and I am the first girl he as ever be close with? Not that I am saying I am his girlfriend at the moment, but I could not afford not to think that he is shy and it is bad that now, I am in his life, and I am so much older than him? Will that affect everything, that we have now? Should I be worried about my age and start to be pessimist about every little single thing?

Even I don't know if I do like this guy for real or not? Maybe it is just a fling. That I enjoyed the undivided attention I have from a person of the opposite sex? Would that be the thing instead of the feelings inside?

I am so confused, but one thing for sure, I had that butterfly in my tummy everytime when I saw that I got a text messages from him, or even when I see him. I am so embarassed whenever I saw him and it is always like the first time I met a guy that I like. Is that normal?

I don't really know, and for the time being... I don't really care. What I think the best thing to do is, just to go with the flow and enjoy life. Uhuhh, Aunty Flow is in town at the minute. And I surely have all the cramps and menstrual pain!

That doesn't help either, but hey... can't complaint! At least, I am still breathing! :)

Good night, everyone!! *twirl*

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Mr. Tall Guy


I am seeing a guy six years younger than me. Is that a problem? I don't know. It's not that we are boyfriend and girlfriend at the moment. But, sort of seeing each other. It is quite fun actually. He is such an adorable guy.

But, the main point is, do you think it is a problem? I told him my age before, when we first started to get to know each other. Obviously, I could not lie. Never, never about the age. Hence, I still got the shocking look from people not believing that I am 27 now. But that's not the main point. When I told him about the age, and I knew about his age, and I said to him, "aa... so you are so young!". And the respond that I got from him is, "...is there a problem?!".

Then, we started to see each other more often. It was so fun with him. I can always be myself and he seemed to adore me so much. Also, treat me like a princess! :) I am enjoying it at the moment though. Despite of the fact, he is sort of like Mr. Jerk when I was dating him back then. Mr. Jerk was 6 years younger than me too. But obviously, they are two different person!

Then, another thing is, he is soooo tall! Whenever I am with him, I feel like a little rabbit with a giraffe! :) Seriously. But then again, I am aware that there are loads of people out there having this kind of situation, somehow. Like, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker... (yeah, that kind of tall person he is!). So, that is not the main point, I think?

I guess, the main thing is, as long as you are happy, so looks, height and age doesn't matter? Is that quote, truly said? Do you think it is logic behind these sentence? I am not so sure though, but what I am sure about is, I think I am happy now. And I don't have to really be bothered about what people said. As long as I am happy, only that really matters? Do you think so?

Well, that is all I wanted to talk about at the moment. Have a headache as the weather is too cold, feels like walking in a big fridge today, from work to home. Seriously do.

At least it is going to be a long weekend. It is a bank holiday weekend. No work on Monday! That's cool enough. Will be sitting home and watch some telly, and probably going to see Mr. Tall Guy somewhere in the weekends!

Good night people, and have a good weekend! *kisses and twirl*

Monday, October 20, 2008

A Simple Thing

Hey there. It has been a normal weekend, was having a quiet weekend sort of. But few friends were over at my place last night for few drinks, and it wasn't successful to be a fully quiet weekend. But at least, I didn't go out and spend all the money for no reason!

Earlier on, a friend was coming over for a dinner and it was okay. But then, when few other people were coming, it just turned out to be strange. How could it be that when you want them to leave, they just won't leave? Such a pain in the ass! I learnt my lesson. I am definitely not going anywhere at all next weekend, and actually its a good thing too not to see some friends like these people!

I am not being selfish or what-so-ever. But then, they just ignored you, the fact that you want a quiet weekend, simply because they just don't know what to do for the weekends? How selfish you can be to actually not to tolerate with these kind of people?

I am not in a good condition as well. Not just the health, since winter seems to be peeking in my life lately. Been having cold and flu now and again. There is also a sad news at work as well. We had the staff review, but I haven't got mine yet as I was absent on Wednesday and was in college the whole day on Thursday. So, when I came in on Friday, no partners are available to do my review. Unfortunately, there is one staff who has been let go on Wednesday, and I just got the news on that Thursday. It has been bothering me ever since!

Heard that as well, there will be no Christmas bonus (I've been waiting for this, all year but with this new news, it just breaks me apart!), no pay raise and no overtime will be paid as well. I keep on having the thought that I might be the next one. And I have been thinking too, if it will be me the next one, I would definitely not going to stay here in Dublin, at all anymore. It would be the end for me in here. Definitely.

And about Mr. Nice Guy, I have told him the truth. I told him I can't go on with this. He is too nice, and I think I am being the odd shape in the pattern. I don't think we can make it and go through with it. I know, I know. What is my damn problem? You got yourself a good guy, and you just ditch him? I don't know what is wrong with me too! I think I am having this paranoia when there is someone out there reaching out for me. Adore me and like me a lot, would be a big turnover for me to go over and said NO. It's just a reflex mode of me. It's stupid. But, that is what I am having all the time.

Mr. Nice Guy take it nicely. And, we're all good now. He said, he was confused with me, and makes him want to know me more better! It's so strange that I meet this nice guy, isn't it? There must be something really really wrong somewhere. This couldn't be right! (That is always how my mind twirls when something like this happened! I'm being skeptical and in doubt).

So, here I am with too many things in my mind. As usual, but this time it is far more serious than before, obviously. I mean, how could it not be. It's about my life, my job to be specific!

I just hope that I will not be let go. At least not at this time. And with college, and boys... let the time tell the tale!

Wish me luck! :)

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My Sister's Favourite

Hey there. I have been meaning to put this up. My friend, who has been so dearly close to me. A girl. Sorts of like, a sister to me, since I don't have any families here in Dublin, is crazy about this tune. We shared secrets, we went to parties together, we just basically do every single little thing together! We fought, we cool with each other, but whatever it is, she will always be someone so important in my life. There are times we hate each other, and there are times we are so close to each other, and not just us, but other people realized this too! I love you, laska! :) (Laska - Sister in Polish). Oh yeah, she is Polish!

P/S: she's crazy about this song, and somehow it just stucked there in my head! Silly you, girl! :)

Spider Web

Hey all. I am at home today. For the first time since, I can't even remember when was the last time, I called in sick. I woke up this morning, feeling all sluggish and worn out! I was walking back home last night from work, not to mention, I was kind of LOST. And all those breezy cold winter wind just put me to a paralyzed state!

So, here I am. Munching some tiny little nuggets, and typing my sad sappy life! :)

I know that I have been scribbling this more than once, but when I took up the college, and working at the same time... it does take my time, obviously. I mean, rushing to work to complete everything before Thursday, having my mind full of thoughts, I have to rush to college for tutorial classes until half nine at night on Wednesday (after work). Messed my head with all the calculations we had in Financial Management class. Then, back home and sleep. Woke up the next morning for the full day class the next day, on Thursday. And bac to office again on Friday morning, trying to catch up what has been left on Wednesday! It's massively hectic!

It actually does take my time up! And, with the additional flavour of crappy weather by now, it doesn't really help! But I know what I want. I have to be strong with these obstacles! Obviously!! I want to become a chartered surveyor in three years time, so I know I can do this. If I am known to be so stubborn in my love-life, why can't I apply the same to my studies and working life? Of course I will! :)

Now, back to my love-life episodes, despite of the fully booked days I have, to mingle between work and college, I do have a slot for my love life too. I know it sounds stupid, but hey... I need to live! :) To be honest, things are getting messier. Out of hand, completely. I think I just don't know what I want. The undivided attention that I have been received, just keep me floating up in the air, and I knew, somehow... the bubbles of happiness will be popped and I will fall and scattered into pieces. Mr. Nice Guy is being nice. As always, but somehow it just trapped me, continuously. I mean, I still thought that he rushed things too quickly. He keeps on telling me that we are in a relationship, and somehow I don't feel like I am in it!

The other guy (just discovered that he looks exactly like Ashton Kutcher, seriously. Kelso in That 70's Show), is playing things in the safe pace. He is actually going slowly. And it is kind of nice. But I don't know do I really, actually want him or not! I know I might sound a bit slutty, but I am dating these two guys at the same time, without knowing which one should I go with. I was thinking, I can go with not choosing any of them yet, until I knew it? But people would definitely called me as a selfish slut ever! But which one is more important now? Their feelings or mine? Is this about my life, or this is all about pleasing other people and neglecting your own feelings, what you do feel deep inside?

It's just making my life even far more complicated. I do feel guilty, if that is what has been lingering in your mind. But, I can't just decide, just for the sake of their feelings, can't I?

It's complicated. As complicated, and messy as the spider cob web, I presume! What do you think?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What I Want?

Hey. Been a hectic weekend. It was though.

It was horrible. I mean, got into an official relationship that I don't intend to have now, at the moment. It's the super-sweet guy. I mean, yeah. Fine. He is nice. But then, I don't really feel like going into any relationship at all. At least, not now.

But, I can't be so naive and weird. Not accepting such a nice gesture. But then, it is kind of strange for me. At least, not until I am confirmed of what I want. So, I accepted in.

I went out on Friday night, and went ballistic! Ha ha... But at least, I am enjoying it though. When I did that, then only I realized that I don't really care about this guy. I mean, not that I am being mean or anything. It's just that everything went too fast, so I just can't be strapped on chair, and forced to love someone I just like!

I was supposed to met him the next day at 6pm, but at half five I was still in my friend's boyfriend party! And there was this guy, pretty cute... Oh well. When I had this kind of thought, I alrady knew that I am in a big trouble. Terribly!

So, to shorten the story, I stood up the nice guy, accidentally. But what I did, was just staying in the living room of the friend's house, and hang out wth few people and talking. It was nice. And that was it. Plain happy me.

And of course, it triggered the other guy. The Mr. Nice Guy. I mean, he was so pissed off and he was kind of trying to hard not to understand this is me, and there is no way to change the way I am. Worst, trying to separate me from my friends? Who he thought he was? It's so torturing!

And we had a row. And he just bailed off. And, it was just a terrible moment! Anyway, we kind of got back together, and to be honest, I feel trapped! I mean, I don't really want him, but its too difficult to tell him that this is going too fast! I told him actually, but he just shoved my opinion away, and tell me that I am paranoid! Seriously, who does he thinks he is?

Is there something wrong with me, or I am right with all this? These things are driving me insane! Oh, by the way... the guy I met in the party, he is a sound guy. And, things are just worst to have more than two characters! :)

What do I actually want? Tell me what do you think. Good night!

Friday, October 10, 2008

I Am A Sugar Cube, Hey?

Hey there. :)

I had such a busy week this week, hence I can still smiling. My life now has been so nice and intriguing!

I mean, I am too busy with work in the office, and today I have classes all day. It was nice, even though there were like only an hour break from 9am till 5 in the evening! We got group assignment and also a notice telling that we will have a presentation, on the 6th November. Therefore, obviously I will have such a busy month all month, this month!

My assignment is about Property Development/Investment! And I was asked (after having a discussion with my group members), and they decided that I have to do something on Stocks and Shares in Ireland! I will be wrecked! I mean, I have no idea what is going on here, especially on stocks and shares! And with all these recession thingy, I am so going down!

On the other hand, work has been hectic too. I do feel like a Miss Little Bunny jumping from one to another projects! I have no enough hands to control all sort of things! I mean, seriously. Usually, I would be so pissed off. When I have too many things to do at once. But, maybe since I am so in my La la la Land... I am grinning to everything at the moment!

Oh by the way, there is a small news! The Mr. Fiction Guy, he is being so nice. He give me space, but at the same time... he cares for me. And he just told me that he likes me, and he would like things to work out. (I don't really get what he means, but I guess it is a good thing?). *wink*

Things are going in the good path. So, I guess it's a good sign, hey? Oh, and I got a new name last night. One among the cutest nicknames I have had received from him! I am a Sugar Cube at the moment! How cute can that be? *another wink*

I am still grinning!! :) Tell me what you think, anyway...

Good night everyone. Love you all! :)

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Happy Days

I am grinning! :)

Yeah, I guess you guys are making some sense! I mean, he is such a nice guy! It is like a dream. I am smiling all day, and he never failed to surprise me with cute, sappy, romantically idiotic gestures! Texts, calls, good night call-kisses, etc.

At least, now I know that there is someone really care about me. I mean, I don't have to ask about anything. He knows what I wants. As he said to me before (quoted from The BreakUp movie - as it was one of the dvd that we watched when I had the DVD marathon!!), "what baby wants, baby gets!".

It's awesome. It really is.

I really hope that this is for real. Or maybe not? I don't know, quite yet. But one thing that I know for sure, is that I have been wasting my time, being a servant to Mr. Jerk, and day by day, I feel so stupid of the things I had let him did to me! He never appreciate me, never been grateful and it is just unbelievable. I finally got to my senses now. Day by day.

And of course, one more thing that I am sure and aware of, I think he is so out of my mind. It was a pleasure knowing him before, keep the memories and moment in the imagination box in my head, and yes... I keep it away. I am completely done with him.

I am back on my two little feet, and I am happy at the moment. As far as I am concern! :)

Good night, people!! *twirl*

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Fiction Does Exist?

Hey hey, everyone! :)

It has been so long since I have not jotting any tales in here. I have been picking myself up from the floor, and at the same time, things just got out of hands in the office. Been very very busy, and somehow it does the work to keep myself sobbing and rying over the past.

However, I have been doing some get to know people. Yeah. As I told you guys, it has been hectic. Somehow, there were too many guys seems to be interested, and it looks like I am back to the dating game! It's quite fun though. I mean, there were loads of strange people out there as well.

But I think, we have the winner... somehow! I know it sounds so weird, as it has been to quick to have a winner. It is not even a month! But, this person really does treat me like a princess!! As opposed to how bad Mr. Jerk was treating me before. :(

This person, he always all the time looks like as if he was mesmerized by me! I am the baby, the princess, all the good things... What baby wants, baby gets! It is too unbelievable! I mean, it is very difficult for me to accept the changes, at first. I have not been exposed to kindness for so long now, and I nearly back off just because of that! How terrible had Mr. Jerk affecting my life?

He is the previous guy, whom I had a post about him. The one who was looking at me, when we were supposed to watch a movie! :) We stopped seeing each other, as he thought I was just playing around. But then, we just got connected again, supposed to just becoming friends, and I was supposed to be one of his lads... But, I don't know. I guess things changed? :)

I am not sure if I like him, but I think I do. I mean, first of all, he respected me. And he likes me! Like, seriously do. And he always made me laugh, and he is so full of nice surprises! I mean, the last time he came over, for a movie, he brought me a box of chocs, popcorn, my favourite apple juice and gummy bears! (Because when we first when to movies, I had all those things with me and he knew how much I like those tid bits!). How thoughtful?

Then, I was hungry and I ordered takeaways, and he was sitting in front of me and waiting for me to eat my dinner, slowly like a snail and he never ever complaint! And my friend called over (she sorts of like a sister to me) to come over to her house as she made a small party, and I asked him to come along, and he did... surprisingly he made an effort to be nice to her! Even though, he never ever met her!

He is sorts of like a fiction book kind of guy. The guy that I always dream of to have one, who can take care of me. Probably, I chickened out as I never had this kind of thing for so long? Do you think I should stick to this guy for a while? I am far beyond confused, as usual Daddy! :) The thing is, I am tired if soon I will be hurt, again and again... I am so tired of all this. I don't know how to react and how would it do right to myself.

It is all just too confusing for me now. Seriously. Obviously. :)

Give me some opinion, please. With that, I wish everyone to have a good night, and millions of apology for being absent for quite sometimes now. Love you all!! *kisses and twirl*

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

As Time Flies

It has been a while. It has been so strange to cope with the new situation. Honestly. Probably, because we have been so long together, even though we are not together... then, suddenly something like this happened. It just blow things off!

However, since he's gone... somehow I got this unbelievable male attention at every side of my life! It's not one or two, but at the moment, there are four guys! And two of them, are actually friends! Like, they know each other, and one of them actually confront the other! What mess am I putting myself into?

To be honest, I am not looking for a new relationship. Plus, I didn't do anything to these people. Seriously. It's not like I am giving them chances or anything, a hit-on-me cue, or anything such like... nothing! And, somehow... it does scares me a bit.

Too much undivided male attention just help me up to recover of the sore, being left behind and ignored. But then again, what are these people expecting?

I had started my class, last Thursday... and I think, with the class started, I am becoming more busy than usual. All my time seems to be occupied. No free time available, and it shall be upon request, only. I think. In that case, I am sort of thankful too! So, it can actually take my mind off him!

Well, that's about it. Silly me, but I think I do like him still. Or maybe, it was the longing thingy? I wonder...

Friday, September 26, 2008


Hey there.

All the things have been taken from my house, just minutes ago. He came, and now he's gone. He is completely gone for good now.

He did came earlier on this morning. He did. He came to pick up his money left here and few important stuff that he really really needs for the day. It was one hour before I went to class.

I know I might sound stupid about this whole story I am going to tell you about, but this is the fact. The truth fact.

When he was here, he was asking me, why would you became so angry to me? And, I didn't answer him at all. I just kept myself quiet, holding to my knees, on a chair. I was ignoring him completely. I just can't.

Then, within seconds, I can feel him hugging me from behind, and its just so beautiful. He keeps on asking me, softly. I retracted myself from him at first, but then I couldn't bear the sorrow inside me, and I just cried. I cried. And he was hugging and hugging me, comfortably. And it just keep me in tears. And he tried to shussh me, and said to me, not to cry. And calming me down. And then, I just blurted it all out. I told him everything, that I was so torn about what happened. And everything is let out. And he answered me. For once, I was so pleased with the answer.

"People make mistakes. It was a mistake to do such thing... don't cry. Please don't cry..." It was the most soothing thing I have ever heard from him. The most comfortable position to be there in his arms even though I knew by that time that he is going tomorrow, for good! It was such a nice moment. And we were holding on to each other, and he just hold on to me, and not releasing at all. I cried, I cried and I cried.

Then, he picked me up from the chair and bring me to the sofa, like a baby. And we cuddled for few minutes, and it was so quiet. Cuddling and hugging, in silence. It was the best moment ever, and somehow the tears just can't stop. I know that I will loose him for good this time, even though I never ever had him before.

He went out then later, back to the hostel he was in, and I went to class.

He came again few minutes ago to take the rest of the stuff. He was packing, and rushing. And I was just sitting there, and we were talking while he's doing the packing. And half an hour later, all packed and he moved to the door, and tell me, okay... that he is going. And we said bye, and that's it.

I really don't know what is going on between us now, because I know that I won't be seeing him again. But, it was just a simple bye. Honestly, a hug and a bye. And that's it.

Then, when he was gone, I was sitting on a couch, then only I can feel a streak of tears coming down on my cheek... I just cried again. It's done. That's it. And, he's just gone, and what I know for sure now, is that... I am collapsing, and I am collapsing badly.

What is it with that? Is there anything you think that I missed? Why would we had the moment? The silence moment? Is it not better off to not get involved when it's supposed to be ended?! Why would that happened? I am so torn.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A Little Note For You

It has been such a half pleasant, half wrecking day for me. I mean, for the whole situation.

I must be lying if I said I am all okay about it. I do feel sad about it, honestly. I mean, he is a nice guy deep inside. He has the good side of him. He really does. But somehow, he just choose to be a jerk more than any guys would ever thought of... and it just similarly like, pushing me further away.

But whatever it is, I think this is the end, the end! I mean, the end of the whole ends I have in this entire year. It is really finished, and seriously no messing around.

It's a bit of slap on the face. Like, he will be really not be in one of character in my life. No more him, nothing, nil. As I did got some sort of a warn, kind of... saying that when he will be taking the stuff, I should just delete all his numbers, mails, etc. and don't ever think of contacting him, anymore. It was a bit harsh I think, even though I think it is sort of a copycat, as I did already said that to him yesterday that "I don't want to have any contact with him anymore, it's finish..."???

And worst, somehow... I think he did sneak in, and have a peek on my blog, and unfortunately he did read over off all the nasty stuff that I wrote in here, all about him yesterday when I was really really torn? Don't ask me how did I found out that he's been reading, but honestly... like 99% that it is right! He did peek in, and it was at 1pm-ish today. And I guess, somehow... that is where the harshness came from!

It's the truth anyway. So, it must be really hard on him to read about his act in someone's blog! And if he is reading this, here's a message to him. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart...

"It was a pleasure knowing you. And I am being mean, the meanest of all girls if I said that none of the things that you did is good. You did some good things, even some wonderful things to me all these while. But there were more nasty and hurtful things that you did which, shred me into pieces. It was good fun knowing you, and honestly... I treasure those moments, and it was one precious memories, that I keep inside, and will never put it away. But somehow, I did feel strange that it ended up this way, as I thought if you could be a little bit more wiser and mature, things would never never will become this way. I cherish our friendship, relationship, platonic bonding or whatever you may called it, it's nice, but it's done and gone. Hope you will have a wonderful life ahead, and instead of being such a childish, wishing that you will be having bad luck all your life, instead... may you have great fun in everything that you do! Just don't get too carried away with those nasty ego of yours! Oh yeah, and grow up and learn to accept your mistakes when you do have flaws! Not everyone is perfect!"

I am relieved, more relieved somehow! Ah! Back on my two little feet, and the best thing of all... now it is for real! Hooray!!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Kudos To Me

Kudos to me. I have been so mean. The most meanest girl, you have ever met!!

I made a choice. I have chased him out from t he house yesterday evening! I think I do have came back to my senses! At least, something made me!

Something he did just pissed me off BIG TIME! First, I discovered that my laptop has been used for a filthy, most filthiest reason! He watched PORN using my laptop, in my house! I know its sounds silly. Sounds a bit selfish, after all, he is a guy! But still... I can't tolerate that!

Then, I found a conversation that he told his friend (a friend who knows me to well, and get along well with me) that a trip to somewhere else is more nicer than to go to Prague with me! That is the most horrible terrible thing that he can said to someone!

Then, I decided to confront and really chased him out! Out! Basta!

I asked him to collect all his things and just BUZZ OFF! He did came home and take few stuff, and left loads of stuff still!! With the reason he'll pick t up today or next week the rest of it!

He is so bold of doing it, and I did actually asked him to fu** off! Like, seriously!

I told him that this is not a joke I am playing, and he definitely has to pick everything up as soon as possible because I have had enough, and I can't tolerate anymore and better off we don't have any contact at all!!

Somehow, I do feel proud of myself! I should have done this earlier! He is such a mess in my life all these while!

That is all I can say. Kudos to me.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Silly Selfish Brat

Here I am, having my holidays in my home. First day, of my three consecutive days of holidays. Unbelievably fun! At least, I don't have to go to work on Monday. That's a start! :)

It was such a nice weather earlier on, I mean... it was sunny. And it was beautiful too. But then, I was too lazy to go anywhere, and what I did is just curling up on bed. I was too lazy to do anything. That is the problem.

And now, the weather has turned awfully bad, and bad clouds are everywhere. But, no worries on that. At least, I have plans for tomorrow and Wednesday. I thought of exploring Dublin, and that would be nice. As to be honest, I haven't got the chance to really see what Dublin has to offer!

I have long lengthy timetable to be caught up, tomorrow. I mean, I really do have. And I have a companion too! I mean, I am not going alone! I am going with a friend of mine. She is an irish, and we would definitely have fun together, tomorrow! How fun would that be? :)

I have come to my senses, that someone can just be a jerk and will always be a jerk when he decided, and planned for it for so long time. I never thought that a person can be such a jerk, and selfish at one time without even thinking of what affect would that be to the other person. And, honestly, I think such person is a sick person! Really really sick person!

Being selfish, is kind of normal, if he is used to be one. But then, being selfish, and using a person kindness for his own benefits, and treat her back like a shit, is obviously stupid and silly at the same time, which comes to the conclusion, this person really needs help! And to be honest, I would not want to help this kind of person! Its stupid! And its outrageous!

He is still here in my home, not talking to me, but living in my home, using my things, and worst, staying here... but not talking to me? How odd a thing can be? This is beyond what you thought it supposed to be?! I mean, what is this if it is not meant, using a person? What is this, if you can't called this person, selfish? Doesn't he feels a bit stupid, and terrible for doing such things?

I can't chase him out from the house, as I think it would be so rude, and I don't do rude things to people. At the end of the day, I am the one who feels really really bad that he acted this way, and somehow I did feel like I am the one who is hogging, and crashing his house, instead of my house he is crashing in!

Is this not selfish? What is this then?

Worst Deja Vu

Hey there. It has been a while since I have been out not jotting any updates on my life, recently. It's either I was too busy with my life, or else I was too busy discovering the meaning of life to me. It has been a puzzle to myself, and I guess to certain numbers of girls in this whole wide world too. It has been so weird recently. Everything seems to be a deja vu to me. But not a good deja vu, but the strange ones. And it is not favourable at all.

Now, here I am. Sitting on a couch, wandering what should I write in here. It has been too many things in my mind to splurge it all out. First, I knew something that is really really true. We can't really think that a person is change, as he will never change. It is only as a pentomine play in front of you. Seriously. Like, even though it seems like it, it was never be the way you want it to be.

Maybe that is what I should be thinking all these while. It's just so not right. Oh, by the way... I didn't go to Prague. I am here in Dublin. Holidays are still there, so I am not going to work on Monday to Wednesday. As it was supposed to be my holidays, and I should be in Prague now. Sadly, but so true.

So, basically nothing much really happened. It is all plain and boring. That it is all that matters.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Incomplete Lullaby

I am a bit mellow and sluggish this weekend. I went out on Friday, and it is horrible. I mean, I don't think I am capable of going out anymore, anytime soon. I'm through.

I went to Boyz2Men with a friend of mine. Fairy. We had a blast. It starts at half seven on Friday night, and it was brilliant. Then, I met few friends of mine later on, and we went somewhere. It was good, just that I feel strange that I don't feel like I am going out. I knew something, that I missed Mr. Jerk somehow.

He called me at half four in the morning, but I didn't answer it because I didn't actually realized it! Then, he keep on calling all the time. And it was a shocked really. I mean, why would he called.

Then, I just knew that he had a fight somewhere in Italy, and he rang me. Like, why is that so? I knew this because I had few friends with me at the moment, and one of them is Italian, so he kind of translate it to me. As Mr. Jerk was actually speaking crazy italian with me. Silly.

But then, as in today, things just got worst, and I decided to tell him I am not going to Prague with him. He just made a mess, and acting like a kindergarten kid! He didn't even booked any hotel, accommodation as yet!!! And we are going in a week time! I told and asked him before, and he said he will do that. And no, he didn't. I think it is good if we don't go. And he is quite happy about it. He tried to twist things out, telling me aah.. its better if we don't go since I made such a mess with it, but then I told him... not to worry, as I don't feel good to go anyway. Such a jerk!!

I think, not going is much much more better for me, at least I can put this things on the fine line. I mean, I can stop all this nonsense, really. Back on my life, and that is much more important at the moment!

Oh, by the way, I have come across this music, this song. And I think it is kind of cute song. I like this girl, who sing the song. She is from Australia and I think she is just cool! Have fun listening!! :)

Happy Weekends, everyone!

P/S: the vid is kind of authentic too! :)

Friday, September 12, 2008

Fun Times

Aha!! :)

Forget to tell you this. I was told by my couz, that she has awarded me with such award! A Fun Blog. Therefore, as usual... I need to pass this to few people, so it will be continuously in the blogsphere.

So, here are the list of people I am awarding it to:-

She's awesome! I haven't ever not laugh whenever I read her post! Adorable post, day by day! Kudos to you, ScratchBag! :)
He is a legend!! At least, every morning, his blog will eventually be my first site, to go there and read while having a mug of fresh coffee!! It is fun, and it is educational in a way! (I know you don't do awards, but I am giving it to you still!!)
70steen is among the first bloggers I have met in blogsphere. And she is just class! Her blog is full of information of basically what's happening in the 70s! And of course, she surely know how to keep me happy! Love you!
This is an extra-ordinary 'piece of art!'. Every single thing in the blog just portray one word, FUN! So, give me reason why I shouldn't give this out to her??? You surely wouldn't find one, instead you will definitely agree with me! She deserves it well!

I don't know whether if there is any maximum limit or anything such, so I am giving it away now. Have fun and you worth it! *twirl* < --- sound like the Loreal adverts! haha...

Good night!

Sounds Like A Plan

Hey there. So, the weekends are nearly there. I can't wait. I seriously can't. There are too much things on my mind at the moment. And too circled up with work too. So, a weekends off and out and get piss, is always the best thing to do at the moment. At least, that is what I am thinking of doing anyway.... :)

It is my friend's birthday today. He is from Germany. Good thing about him, we have no affection between us which, is more than friends. We are purely friends, and friends we are. It's so cool to hang out with him nowadays as he always been there when I got things to complaint about. How cool can it be?

He knows about Mr. Jerk, knows about my less than a week date thingy, my idiotic moves to register online on the flirting website, basically he is there and laugh whenever he should, and calm me down whenever it is require!

We are definitely going out tomorrow to celebrate his birthday and definitely going to be mental all weekends. Even though I will be having a Site Meeting on Monday, nothing would ever stop me from doing what I want to do this weekend.

I think I stress too much. It is simply annoying, and I can't start to hurt myself now and over and over again! It just won't stop. So, a good night out would do me, just fine. *devilish looks*

We will see how it goes. And I would definitely keep you posted.

Thank you all! Love you people! Good night! *twirl*

Thursday, September 11, 2008

What Am I Made Of?

Hey there. Just came back from the second date. Okay, the movie was nice. Everything is nice, just that I have a new conclusion. I think I do have a problem. I won't be successful, not at all. Naa...ah!
I mean, I won't be successful in terms of love life. Not a chance!

I think he likes me now. I really think so. And, it's not like I am being mean or anything, but I think whenever I know that a guy is interested in me, I would run. Simply run! And, that means... no relationship at all!

Gosh! What have I gotten myself into? I am spoiling myself though, that is more like it. I should be very happy that a guy is falling for me, but I react the other way round? Why is that supposed to happen?

I think that is it. I mean, I can't see this guy anymore. That is it. I can't. Because, if I do... I am lying to myself. Pretending to be okay but then I am not in the inside. He is such a nice guy, and I am not worth it a try. I think so.

Was too funny in the movie, he keeps on looking at me. I mean, staring!!! What is that???? God! And I keep having a thought of, I can do this. I can try to like him. He is such a nice guy. I keep on repeat this on my mind, but alas... no chance. Not a chance!

I am a bit*h, I think. That is what I am. I am so useless. I can't do what normal girls usually do. Have a normal life, with a normal boyfriend on their side. No. I just can't. Then, I know that I am not normal. *giggles* I know I shouldn't be laughing about this, but I think it is funny. Furthermore, I think I am kind of funny! More like an idiot!

I am really sorry, but I just can't. What am I made of? How I wonder!

P/S: When I got home, trying to figure out why this is all happening like this... I got a text from Mr. Jerk. Why on earth should he appear now? After so long he has been so quiet? And why, would he turned up right in the middle of me having a huge, horrible decision to think about? Does this mean anything????? Simply annoying!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Runaway Bride

It's Tuesday. I got few letters from college, noticing me when I have to come to college for registration, how much and stuff like that. I am quite excited though. *wink*

Even though it was a busy day in the office today, I feel a bit different. I feel that I am contented! I mean, I had a dinner last night with my friend, Fairy. She is the only girl here, from my country who is close to me. Okay, a bit off the statement. I do have few more. *giggles* I mean, this girl is actually one of the girls that I have met when I was here. I hope you get what I mean.

Anyway, it has been a good moment. I mean, I haven't seen her for quite sometimes now. Especially, when I was too attached with Mr. Jerk. So, in a way, I do feel nice. And I made pasta. Salmon creme pasta. It was nice, though.

We had dinner and talk for hours. It has been ages since I did that before! Seriously. And worst, I kind of miss the old me!

I guess with Mr. Jerk not being around, there are few good things happened to me. That soon made me wonder, is it meant to be this way then? Perhaps, when he is gone, it is better not just for him, but maybe for me too? It never stops me from having this thought. Maybe this is what I want, like what it was supposed to be?

More stuff! I will be having another date again tomorrow. No, no. Not a new guy. It is the guy that I met few days back. The Irish! *wink* To be honest, I don't know what I am doing though. I mean, I like this guy. He is kind of nice. Even my friends told me so. But then again, knowing me with my fickle minded, thinking too much, paranoia everywhere... it just annoyed me too much!

I mean, whenever he started to be nice, and narrow down the gap between us, I feel like I have to run. Run, run away from him. Seriously. But then, when I thought that he is a bit reluctant or keeping the distance, I love to loathing near. I mean, seriously... It just drives me nuts!

Have you ever watched Runaway Bride? I feel like one now. I mean, I am too afraid. Say, if he likes me, I do want him too. But then, naturally... I would run! Trust me on that. I guess we will see what happened tomorrow though.

He has his birthday as well. I mean, he will be 27 this Friday, and he would like to see me for a while. But he said, it's okay if I am busy. I mean, it is his birthday, why would he care if I am busy or not? God. I don't know.

I guess we just see what happens then. Wish me luck.

Good night.

P/S: Oh, by the way... I think he is kinda cute. He is not skinny, that's for sure. :)

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Back On The Game?

Hey there. Whoa... It has really been a while. Picking myself up, scattered on the floor. Shredded into pieces. It was difficult. It really was.

Don't know whether I am supposed to be this way, it is in my nature, or I am simply a really really bad girl.. but I nearly forget him at this moment now. At least, for a while.

I went out yesterday. It was a date. I had a date. Err... not a date, but two dates. In two hours difference. *wink*

It's just simply stupid, silly me. I don't know what to do on weekends, since I don't really go out this weekend, so I did something really really stupid, pathetic. I registered myself into one of this socialize website. No, no. Not the naked ladies thingy, or anything such like. More like a descent ones. However, I ended up having two dates in two hours gap. It was fun, to be honest!

The first one was Italian. I just don't know why, but I did attract more than five Italians 5 minutes right after I registered! And it was not an italian website, it was supposed to be a worldwide thingy! That is only for the first five minutes, but then later on, more and more italians! I just don't know why!

Anyway, yesterday's date was fun! At least the second one! First one was Italian. He is not really nice. He is more like, let's go to bed kind of guy! So irritating! Anyway, it only lasts for less than two hours. Second one was Irish! Surprise, surprise!! And... surprisingly, he is quite fun! Kinda cute, blond hair, always made me laugh all the time, full of surprises, and our interests are kind of similar, in a way! And it lasts from seven 'till half eleven, and he even walked me home!! How fiction kinda guy, is that? :)

I don't know. However, Mr. Jerk is still there, lingering on my mind. He is still there somehow. Still there, even though he sorts of ignoring me in a way. He never calls, never texts... like I am just an illusion to him. It's torturing me. But he did chatted with me before I am off to meet these guys, and he knew. I purposely told him. I intend to. So that at least he knows that I am not sitting at home and thinking about him all the time, even though I did that most of the times if I am so free at home with nothing to do! He shouldn't know this, and he would not.

God! I am destroying myself in a way. I am, I know that.

I am so stupid, yes? I think so too!
Good night.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

E-mail Buzz

It has been a while since I write. It is so meaningless. Life. I don't know anymore what I am doing, basically. He called.

He did last few days. But silly me, again... I refused to answer for some reason, which I don't really know what. Pathetic, eh? And, it is not only once, it was twice. I don't know whether is this the right thing for me to do, or I am just torturing myself with such punishments because I know things are not getting better.

It's not like making such things, made me feel great instead its making things go worst. On me, precisely.

Got an email anyway. It was yesterday. It was such an overwhelming mail. Once, before he went off to where ever he is supposed to go, I told him that I am not going to be bothered with any things that have to do with the Prague trip, as I thought that he is not even excited about going there. He seriously wasn't. So, I leave it to him, all the accommodation stuff, where to go and things like that on hold. Not that we are going anyway, at least that is what I thought of. And I even told him this, as I am tired of being the Little Nice Missy!

As I am so sure that we are not going, anyway. He is so ethusiastic, NOT!

But then again, I thought I was thinking too much before. The email explained everything, somehow... it is the opposite of what I thought!

He told me that he booked the hotel! He did! He actually did, and somehow it caught me in surprise! Seriously. Knowing him, he wouldn't do such thing! Honest to God!

With this thing happened, shall I say that most of all the things that I thought would presumably, be totally wrong?! Would that be possible? He is so full of surprises, and I don't really know anymore. And, should I really go to this Prague trip? Would that be any good or it will shred me to pieces, when it is ended?

God, I think I am really suck at this. I am thinking too much, as always. Silly girl.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

It Is Real

So, it is already Tuesday, and actually it is Wednesday already. I am sitting on my bed, having my laptop with me... thought I should have write something as I already have been neglected the blog ever since the day...

Surprisingly, I am quite okay. Not quite, but just right. I was a bit 'collapsing' in a way, when I got home and found out all was left only myself and few stuff. I have been trying to cope up the peaefulness without having to be into the silent treatment no more. But, sadly enough... I think I do miss that part though. As if now, it was only me with myself and no others.

I got a text! Last night when I was already tucked under my comfy duvet. It was an accident though. I didn't even hear the phone making text sound, or anything such... Just a coincidence. And there it was, a text from an unknown number. A text from that particular country. Bliss.

Somehow, I do feel my heart is making a yelp! Quietly inside. The tremendous excitement. I knew it was that person. After few days of trying too hard to not think about it, I got a text! It was magnificent! In a way. I did replied, and no answer. No answer until today. That is always the case. Always will be.

What is going on with us? But at least it was not me who did trying to find him, even though I do feel the urge to do so. I just can't. At least he did text me once, even though he did not reply me then. Would that means something, or would that really means anything?

God. It is too sad to think about it, furthermore to make my own speculation on it.

Whatever it is, I can't really lied to myself. I just can't. I tried to make things easier by to get into fights so that I can get over it, as soon as possible. But I just really can't. At least not now. And, others... are keep on telling me that I am being stupid of not realizing that it is only a pentomine. But it is not. It is really not the thing. It's just different, and whatever things people are going to say about it, I know deep inside it is actually real. Somehow. It is.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Silly Girl

It's Friday. I was supposed to be happy as the weekends almost there. But instead, I'm not.

Silly me, seriously silly me. I knew that he will be going today, I should have spend sometimes last night talking or such, as he will not be back for long. He will be back in three weeks time to collect his other stuff remaining, but then he will be off again, this time is for good. At least, until our Prague holidays (if that would ever happen. I doubt about it though).

But, snobbish me, I scooted back, cave in the bedroom, and tucked myself under the duvet trying so hard to fall asleep, whilst he is in the living room! I have not even said good night! I think I would be awarded as the meanest person ever live!

Woke up this morning, with swollen eyes, performing the usuals... first, to the kitchen to boil the kettle, then I found him sleeping, crumpling on the sofa. Looking like a little child, sleeping peacefully. The odd feeling from last night, just struck back in.

After I have finished the normal chores, before I went off, I couldn't even manage to wake him up to say goodbye. I just can't. Instead, I left him a note. Just a note. Not a kiss, and not even a hug!

Before I went out, he was awake. Laughing in the sleep! Must have been a funny dream he had. He blinked over, and smile. Strange. Smiled back, then I hurriedly went to the room, and leave in the note. On the way to the door, I heard that he is in the bathroom. But once again, silly me just scoot herself away to the door, and that was it!

Why would I do such things? Ah, because I am a silly girl.

And now I am back in the house, and it feels really really strange. He is not there, and it is so odd. It's so empty. I can't and don't really know how to say this, but I just realized that I really have lost something, as I keep on feeling that odd feeling oozing in and out myself.

I am being odd now, I think.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Odd Feeling?

So, it is already Thursday. Thursday equals to late night shopping. Plus, mostly people got paid today, the last Thursday of the month. Same goes with me, but there is nothing in the shop that really intrigues me. Okay, okay. There is this one sneakers by Onitsuka Tiger. A white sneakers. So nice, and so girly in a way. But then, there is something more important bothered me today. Really bothered that I thought that I can swim in my own piece of mind.

But, I went to look up the shoes anyway. Unfortunately, they could not find my size. It's so rare to have many of them in my size, but usually they will have a few in stocks. But, as in for today... there is not even one in the stock! That is just the begining of my sorrow, I presumed.

I have been blabbing, nagging, complaining, cheering, chuckling, smiling, crying over this one person, who basically once in a while became the sub topic and sometimes, the main topic, in most of my posts since it was ever existed. Not just in the blog, but somehow in my life. Vice versa. In short, this one person coloured and patterned my canvas of life. With or without realizing it.

I have sometimes aknowledged this person as Mr. Jerk. (It is not as bad as it seems. That's just a name). He is nice most of the times - references to loads of previous posts would help.

He is...

1. My best funny, cheesy companion as he always made me laugh even though at times when I was supposed to be mad at him.

2. My best personal cook who never fails to feed me good, yummy, healthy food and when I could not finish the food on my plate, he will start blabbing, warning and telling me stories about how the starving people in Africa and Somalia, and I should be grateful and finish up everything (oh, and I did finish up everything!).

3. My best party partner who always had reasons to push me to come over to any party when there were times I said NO. He will always came up with a reason, that I will ended up being there in the party, and never failed to have fun for days!

4. My best couch potato mate, as after dinner on weekdays or if we don't feel like going out to clubs on weekends, we would spend hours in front of the telly to watch anything, from National Geographic Wild with the Monkey Business, Street Monkey and of course, his favourite... The Sharks! Or maybe, sometimes a re-run of The Goodfellas, Blow or even The Godfather Series. Then, as now he has turned out to be a newbie of The Simpsons addict, who are so attached with the telly when the show is on. Every single time, we had fun giggling and laughing hysterially over Homer, Marge, Bart, etc.

5. My best friend who is always there for me whenever things got nasty over my life and people around me. He always say something, made me realizing of things around me. Good things or bad things for me to think about it. And, sometimes... (not recently though), he will somehow cheer me up if I had bad day at work, by sending me stupid, funny texts that I will soon ended up laughing in the office instead of straining my nerves out of my brain.

6. My best opponent when we got ourselves into stupid, silly war. We can go for days of not talking to each other, even though if we are sitting in the same room! Just to provoke each other, we tend to just ignore each other so well, that sometimes (I think), it's not just me who pissed off, annoyed and irritated with the scenario, but he did too! *giggles* Then, somehow, we always did became 'okay' with each other without even has to say a thing. We can have no reason for not talking to each other in sudden and go for the silent treatment, and we can also have no reason to talk back to each other like normals do, back to our normal laughing, giggling, etc.

7. My other part of me, who never fails to understand what I want at every moment. Who knows me too well. Really well, that sometimes, if something happened, I don't have to say a thing but he understand and do exactly what I thought he would.

That is him. Mr. Jerk. He is not my boyfriend, but he is not just my friend either, so I think. It is so difficult to actually portray the things that we are having. The bonding. The relationship. Inexplicable.

But then, tomorrow he is going off for the afternoon flight. Unfortunately, he might not be back though. I have known this a while ago, but I haven't realized that odd feeling that I just sensed minutes ago. It's not that I am sad, and it is not that I am happy either. Just an odd feeling that I don't really know how to explain in simple words. Or even not liable to describe in words. Oh, and I am not being sappy neither pathetic. Just strange feeling. Odd.

What I know, we had shared good things and bad things together. And that is the important bits. We had that. And that is all that matters. I just hope that eveything will not be as difficult as it is ought to be.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Drug Addicts, and Alcoholics Are Everywhere?

So, it is already Wednesday. Been a hectic 'world' today in the office. Supposed, has been warned by my boss that I need to prepare to stay in the office late, as I have to finish up Client's requirement for our big hospital project at the moment. To be honest, this project has wrecked my life since two months back. Right after I came back from my Tenerife trip. It was way beyond hectic. I don't know which exact word best to describe the trouble with this one!

Luckily, I speed up my work, and instead of staying up late in the office 'till night, I managed to go back early! Yayyy!! Kudos to me! *wink*

On my way back home, I was flicking through the free newspaper, which I got this morning. I never had the chance to flick it earlier on, as my mind was too occupied on what are the things to do in the office. Then, I was strucked by the news of drugs consumption, everywhere!

It seems that drugs have been the main requirements of people need nowadays. And even, for girl to losing weight, is to consume drugs! But I am more concern on the bad drugs, not the medical drugs. Same thing goes with the alcoholism among youngster nowadays.

These people who consumed drugs, seems to be a huge problem to the community. Almost the same effect goes to the people who drink. I am not mentioning about people who drinks sensibly, or in any other word, rinking on weekends... socially. This is about the people who live to drink alcohol and consuming drugs. As if, that is the new way to a better living!

Artist, actors, actresses... singer, group band... there are no exceptional. Is there a new law saying that people who take drugs and drink alcohol to the fullest is the coolest people on earth?

I was browsing through the net, and I saw there's this one Drug Rehab, speacialize in helping these people to become sober. Back to reality. Soberity. In a good way.

The place is so peaceful, and with the environment they provide, I don't have any doubt about their mission statement! However, as people said, whatever it is, and how good things are, it must come from yourself as well. Your intention to quit, is the most important aspect of all. It's not just physically, but it must also come from the mind. Your mind, and your own decision to quit.

It has quite an impressive selection of Drug Rehab Programme to actually bring you back to your normal life, instead of swaying away to another direction, the direction that you won't be able to live on for long. Drug Detox is to make sure that you are completely off the drugs. So that, you can actually realized the meaning of having a happy and wonderful life, instead of stuck in the paranoid world filled with filthy drugs.

They also provide Alcohol Rehab, specially to those people who are can't get enough of alcohol per day. And the best thing is, they do not just give some talk about drinking and the bad outcome of becoming an alcoholism, but it also provide Alcohol Rehab with extensive care and treatment, as well as self improvement, that you soon instead of pulling tantrum as someone asking you to do what you are not willingly to do, you will eventually blooming and become a better person.

In my opinion, Cliffside Malibu is the best place if any of you or someone you knew that need helps, in terms of detoxicating themselves either from the drugs or alcohol.

Uhuhh, I have been to tired stretching my eyeballs on my monitor in the office. But, by looking at few photos in the website of Cliffside Malibu, it was a true pleasure! Kudos to these people who made it work! It is truly a tremendous success of making people poodled with drugs and alcohol, can have their normal life back, without being afraid to be tortured or lectured!

It's awesome, I must say. Good night everyone. *kisses*

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Pickles, Fickle, Wiggle?

It's Tuesday, and basically it's nearly in the middle of the week. Not realizing it, weekends is nearby. I haven't done anything, err... I mean, I haven't spoilt myself for a night outting last week, but I am not so sure about this week though. We are getting paid on Thursday, after 5 consecutive weeks since the last pay. I might go out, but on the other hand... I might not.

Ah, I forgot to tell you the new adventure of mine that soon would be on. It is my next trip, my Europe trip! We are going to Prague, if everything is going to be fine. I really mean it, IF everything is going to be okay. Hence, we got the tickets already. Just few more stuff to be taken care of. Like, the accomodation, places to see, nightlife and I will definitely make sure that loads of photos to be captured!

Before I decided the Tenerife trip before, that was last June for my birthday getaway. I had Budapest and Prague in mind. But then, we proceed with Tenerife instead with the reason I want some sunny rays especially it was summer and no summer day seems to be found in Ireland. I was basically dying to get myself burn, but instead not even just I had my skin burnt, but I had 'burnt' myself altogether!

Prague is such a nice place. Like Budapest, my definition of Prague is CLASSIC. Somehow, I think Prague is such a classic city and I wonder how it was there. Read few reviews and view some photos of Prague city, and it didn't fail to amaze me. So, with the trip that will be somewhere by the end of September, just before I start my first class back to school, I hope I won't get burn this time. I really hope.

And I do hope that we will definitely enjoy our vacation soon, as how a vacation should be. I don't want to be wasting my time, in another country feeling a bit of out of place and a stranger.

Well, at first I thought I wanted to talk about something else, but then... I was swaying away to another completely different topic of mine. Ah, I guess that was just me. Didn't I warn you before, I am such a fickle girl. And somehow, just this one thing that I haven't been fickle about. Not being fickle about me being fickle... Uhuhh, tongue twist! *giggles*

Good night, everyone!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Take Me For Granted?

It's Monday. It is a fine Monday to me. The usual Monday. No site visits for me today, means no muddy pool for my boots to be dunked into. Means, fine.

I just have a thought.

What does it means, taking granted? Means taking fully grant of yourself? Would that be mean, or that is simply a way of living at the moment? I took granted of the weekends to relax at home or to spoil myself at the no ending party. That considered as taking granted as well. So, does that means bad? Even though I had that for myself, just for myself?

It so difficult what is right and what is wrong at the moment. It is too hard to analyze as well as to considered which is best and which is not, that soon leads you to a path that no one can even determine what is it. It is the world today, that soon become too difficult to handle. That is what.

I'd say in this new kind of world, people are taught to be bad to keep on living. To survive. Therefore, I'd say taking granted of one innocent life, would not mean anything anymore. But what would the person, the innocent person would feel? Nada? Nothing?

I wouldn't know. Or perhaps, I might know. I might be person at one stage, and I might be the other at another stage. Would it be?

The prey, then at another time, the hunter. I wouldn't know.

Still, the thought keep on lingering on my mind now and then. Taking people for granted. Is that a good thing or a bad thing...? To get whatever things that you want to be fully succeed if to take granted on one person to make it happen, would that be simply wrong and intolerated?

Still no answer. Still couldn't figure it out.

So, take time and think about this. Perhaps, you might have the answer?

Then, that is it the Monday thought for today! Have fun thinking!

Good night!


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