Tick Tock Tick Tockk!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Like Means What?

Hey. It was a long day for me today. It's the college day. And today is worst. It is the group discussion thingy. We had this submission next week, including the presentation for one subject - more like Project Development course.

So, I went. We had not really a discussion, but it was a long day in college. Was too tiring. Everyone started to say this and that. And, uhuhh... it is annoying!

Then, went back home, and there were the happy times to stay at home and being lazy. It was nearly 5 in the evening when I'm home. Mr. Tall Guy came over. And we had dinner. Takeaways. Was good and fun. Then, I was thinking. What is going on with us at the minute? Are we labelled as boyfriend and girlfriend material, or it's more like seeing each other for fun?

I know I did sound so old, but hey... I need confirmation, yes? After few talk with him, he said that... (this is the exact word from him), "...I like you, and I want to go out with you".

And would I ask this one for another clarification? What does it means by "something too serious?". It just bothers me so much! It's not that I am going to ask him to marry me, but at the same time, I am not going to let people see me as a whore with a guy, without any relationship! It just bothers me so much, that I feel stupid! Really.

At this point, I think I have made the wrong decision to actually going out with him. I think he is too young, and he just want to play around, rather than having a normal relationship? Do you think the same?

Why would thing always become so complicated when it comes to me and my love life? What I know now is, I am so ultimately unlucky in things called love. I think I might called it a day, though!

Sucks big time!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Me Likey?

Hey. It has been a normal day today, but somehow I felt so lazy and tired to wake up and take shower to go to work. It's so cold, and there are so many reasons to stay in bed. But, everything needs to be done in the office. So, I really need to be there in the office, as I will not be there tomorrow as I have college! Sigh.

Tiring. But, I went anyway. When I was preparing to go to office, made myself a cup of hot coffee, I looked out the window, and I saw sleet on the rooftops! So, it was really cold last night. It was right, that the temperature was minus one!

Was such a boring day in the office today, but anyway... the good news is, got my holidays approved. Ah, forgot to share you guys, the news. I was asked to finish off my holidays. I have five more days left, and I have to clear it up by December!

So, I am going to Belgium (Brussels), on the 13th 'till 18th November. There will be an event in Brussels, on the 15th and the rest of the days, I might go to Amsterdam then back to Dublin. Ah, well. We'll see. Anyway, I am going to I Love Techno festival in Brussels on the 15th. Few of my favourite djs are playing over there. Would be fun!

Well, about Mr. Tall Guy. Hmm, haven't heard anything from him today. And I don't even bother to text him to ask how is he, anyway. Because I was thinking like, if he don't even care what is going on with me, why should I be? But the fact that he is actually, practically ignoring me, just bothered me so much! Then, only I realized. I think I like this guy. Sigh.

So, that is about it for today. I am still not going to text him though. I just can't be so hopelessly in love. It's bad for me! :(

Talk soon, people!! Kisses.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

It's Minus?

Hey there. Walking down to the bus stop seems like transforming myself from being a normal human being to a frozen salmon in the freezer! It was so cold this morning, while walking to the bus stop this morning, to go to work! It was really really cold, that I barely feel my hands! Could not even texting on a phone, as the fingers seemed to awkward to press any buttons at all!

Been half busy in the office earlier on. Catching up few stuff I left behind on Friday, and luckily its not so bad after all. So, I guess it was right. My prediction before. Monday is the cause why we are being so sluggish back to work, after weekends madness. Things are different when the day is called Tuesday. It has always been Monday, the worst day of all! Always.

Had a good weekend, as I did went out on Sunday, and Mr. Tall Guy was being so nice, sending my friend back home, which took us half an hour drive to get there. He is so adorable! Then, we went to get myself a dinner, a fish and chip meal. And we were just being lazy back to my house, with some crappy tv shows, but it was very nice. It's so cosy, and I am just so comfortable having him around!

Met his friends on Sunday, and surprisingly they were so nice to me. Was such a pleasant event! Have to admit that, I do feel a bit awkward and shy, somehow. I know, I know. I would never have had this kind of scare of the friends, thingy before. But it just happened.

Somehow, the phrase, "when you date a person, you date his/her friends too" is so true! It's true that i don't really care what people think, but if a guy I am dating with, has few friends, and they hate me... well, that doesn't seem right at all! That's why. Uhuhh, I hope you got the point, though.

Well, it has been so cold now as well. I've been wrapped myself with few layers of t-shirts, and jumpers, and the heater is on, and it is still cold! And the temperature now is -1 degree. Minus. But it is in Dublin, so no way that there is going to be snowing or such like. But still, it's freezing. Probably, I should change my name now to Frozen Baby Salmon? ;)

Okay, that is all for today! Have a good night, people. And see you again soon! *kisses*

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Just Another Plain Sunday

Good morning, everyone.

I have been curling on bed for so many hours, wondering why I could not sleep and with the result, I woke up so early today. Just to realized that, it is a daylight saving time last night. Therefore, there is another additional one hour less, to what we already had before. No wonder!

It is already Sunday, but the fact that I don't have to go to work tomorrow, Monday... is such a pleasant thought! No work on Monday simply means, bliss! But, as starting from Friday, I haven't been out from the house, but stay in my cocoon until today! I have to go out somehow. I feel so lazy and sluggish with my new style of living! Staying home doesn't do me any good!

Ah well, I am rather confused or more confused. If I go out, I will definitely get soaked or shivered to death! It is so cold outside, and the wind is not helping at all! Feels like blowing away, like Miss Mary Poppins. Just that this Mary Poppins is without the umbrella. I gave up with umbrella, already... I think.

I can't stop thinking of what are the things I should be doing today. And, the result is, NONE. Nothing that I can think of. It's so bad when the weather is crap, and you are broke! It's so annoying actually! Had a friend who owes me money, but despite of giving it to me, he rather be with some girl and told me that he can't see me yesterday to give me the money! How selfish a person can be? I can't tolerate this nonsense anymore. Just pissing me off! And I can't really go to him as well, as I am too broke! He is so far far away!

Damn! What a lousy weekend. Well, I guess I better put on the kettle and make myself a cup of coffee or tea, to keep me warm and sensible! :) I might go out tonight, I think. I just need to go out, and just to be outside the house, and meeting people. This is what happened when you are living by yourself. Duuh. I am so bored.

Really really bored at the moment, and doomed! Sigh.

Ah, it started to rain again! Yikes.


First Time?

Hey. Weather today has been really weird. It has been raining all day, and I can hear the raindrops tapping on my balcony table outside the balcony. It is a pleasant but annoying noise at the same time.

I haven't gone out from the house ever, at all since yesterday. I think I am cocooning myself in the house, with instant noodle and few bits of sitcoms re-runs. I could not even go out as well, even though if I feel like going out. I am broke, I am so dead broke. We are not getting paid, at least not until next week. How horrible it could go wrong?

Mr. Tall Guy is over at County Laois to his parents since Friday, but then he will be back tonight. He might come over to say hello, later on I think.

There is the other issue with Mr. Tall Guy. I think he is so shy. He is actually. In an odd way. Is it possible that he has never had a girlfriend before and I am the first girl he as ever be close with? Not that I am saying I am his girlfriend at the moment, but I could not afford not to think that he is shy and it is bad that now, I am in his life, and I am so much older than him? Will that affect everything, that we have now? Should I be worried about my age and start to be pessimist about every little single thing?

Even I don't know if I do like this guy for real or not? Maybe it is just a fling. That I enjoyed the undivided attention I have from a person of the opposite sex? Would that be the thing instead of the feelings inside?

I am so confused, but one thing for sure, I had that butterfly in my tummy everytime when I saw that I got a text messages from him, or even when I see him. I am so embarassed whenever I saw him and it is always like the first time I met a guy that I like. Is that normal?

I don't really know, and for the time being... I don't really care. What I think the best thing to do is, just to go with the flow and enjoy life. Uhuhh, Aunty Flow is in town at the minute. And I surely have all the cramps and menstrual pain!

That doesn't help either, but hey... can't complaint! At least, I am still breathing! :)

Good night, everyone!! *twirl*

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Mr. Tall Guy


I am seeing a guy six years younger than me. Is that a problem? I don't know. It's not that we are boyfriend and girlfriend at the moment. But, sort of seeing each other. It is quite fun actually. He is such an adorable guy.

But, the main point is, do you think it is a problem? I told him my age before, when we first started to get to know each other. Obviously, I could not lie. Never, never about the age. Hence, I still got the shocking look from people not believing that I am 27 now. But that's not the main point. When I told him about the age, and I knew about his age, and I said to him, "aa... so you are so young!". And the respond that I got from him is, "...is there a problem?!".

Then, we started to see each other more often. It was so fun with him. I can always be myself and he seemed to adore me so much. Also, treat me like a princess! :) I am enjoying it at the moment though. Despite of the fact, he is sort of like Mr. Jerk when I was dating him back then. Mr. Jerk was 6 years younger than me too. But obviously, they are two different person!

Then, another thing is, he is soooo tall! Whenever I am with him, I feel like a little rabbit with a giraffe! :) Seriously. But then again, I am aware that there are loads of people out there having this kind of situation, somehow. Like, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker... (yeah, that kind of tall person he is!). So, that is not the main point, I think?

I guess, the main thing is, as long as you are happy, so looks, height and age doesn't matter? Is that quote, truly said? Do you think it is logic behind these sentence? I am not so sure though, but what I am sure about is, I think I am happy now. And I don't have to really be bothered about what people said. As long as I am happy, only that really matters? Do you think so?

Well, that is all I wanted to talk about at the moment. Have a headache as the weather is too cold, feels like walking in a big fridge today, from work to home. Seriously do.

At least it is going to be a long weekend. It is a bank holiday weekend. No work on Monday! That's cool enough. Will be sitting home and watch some telly, and probably going to see Mr. Tall Guy somewhere in the weekends!

Good night people, and have a good weekend! *kisses and twirl*

Monday, October 20, 2008

A Simple Thing

Hey there. It has been a normal weekend, was having a quiet weekend sort of. But few friends were over at my place last night for few drinks, and it wasn't successful to be a fully quiet weekend. But at least, I didn't go out and spend all the money for no reason!

Earlier on, a friend was coming over for a dinner and it was okay. But then, when few other people were coming, it just turned out to be strange. How could it be that when you want them to leave, they just won't leave? Such a pain in the ass! I learnt my lesson. I am definitely not going anywhere at all next weekend, and actually its a good thing too not to see some friends like these people!

I am not being selfish or what-so-ever. But then, they just ignored you, the fact that you want a quiet weekend, simply because they just don't know what to do for the weekends? How selfish you can be to actually not to tolerate with these kind of people?

I am not in a good condition as well. Not just the health, since winter seems to be peeking in my life lately. Been having cold and flu now and again. There is also a sad news at work as well. We had the staff review, but I haven't got mine yet as I was absent on Wednesday and was in college the whole day on Thursday. So, when I came in on Friday, no partners are available to do my review. Unfortunately, there is one staff who has been let go on Wednesday, and I just got the news on that Thursday. It has been bothering me ever since!

Heard that as well, there will be no Christmas bonus (I've been waiting for this, all year but with this new news, it just breaks me apart!), no pay raise and no overtime will be paid as well. I keep on having the thought that I might be the next one. And I have been thinking too, if it will be me the next one, I would definitely not going to stay here in Dublin, at all anymore. It would be the end for me in here. Definitely.

And about Mr. Nice Guy, I have told him the truth. I told him I can't go on with this. He is too nice, and I think I am being the odd shape in the pattern. I don't think we can make it and go through with it. I know, I know. What is my damn problem? You got yourself a good guy, and you just ditch him? I don't know what is wrong with me too! I think I am having this paranoia when there is someone out there reaching out for me. Adore me and like me a lot, would be a big turnover for me to go over and said NO. It's just a reflex mode of me. It's stupid. But, that is what I am having all the time.

Mr. Nice Guy take it nicely. And, we're all good now. He said, he was confused with me, and makes him want to know me more better! It's so strange that I meet this nice guy, isn't it? There must be something really really wrong somewhere. This couldn't be right! (That is always how my mind twirls when something like this happened! I'm being skeptical and in doubt).

So, here I am with too many things in my mind. As usual, but this time it is far more serious than before, obviously. I mean, how could it not be. It's about my life, my job to be specific!

I just hope that I will not be let go. At least not at this time. And with college, and boys... let the time tell the tale!

Wish me luck! :)

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My Sister's Favourite

Hey there. I have been meaning to put this up. My friend, who has been so dearly close to me. A girl. Sorts of like, a sister to me, since I don't have any families here in Dublin, is crazy about this tune. We shared secrets, we went to parties together, we just basically do every single little thing together! We fought, we cool with each other, but whatever it is, she will always be someone so important in my life. There are times we hate each other, and there are times we are so close to each other, and not just us, but other people realized this too! I love you, laska! :) (Laska - Sister in Polish). Oh yeah, she is Polish!

P/S: she's crazy about this song, and somehow it just stucked there in my head! Silly you, girl! :)

Spider Web

Hey all. I am at home today. For the first time since, I can't even remember when was the last time, I called in sick. I woke up this morning, feeling all sluggish and worn out! I was walking back home last night from work, not to mention, I was kind of LOST. And all those breezy cold winter wind just put me to a paralyzed state!

So, here I am. Munching some tiny little nuggets, and typing my sad sappy life! :)

I know that I have been scribbling this more than once, but when I took up the college, and working at the same time... it does take my time, obviously. I mean, rushing to work to complete everything before Thursday, having my mind full of thoughts, I have to rush to college for tutorial classes until half nine at night on Wednesday (after work). Messed my head with all the calculations we had in Financial Management class. Then, back home and sleep. Woke up the next morning for the full day class the next day, on Thursday. And bac to office again on Friday morning, trying to catch up what has been left on Wednesday! It's massively hectic!

It actually does take my time up! And, with the additional flavour of crappy weather by now, it doesn't really help! But I know what I want. I have to be strong with these obstacles! Obviously!! I want to become a chartered surveyor in three years time, so I know I can do this. If I am known to be so stubborn in my love-life, why can't I apply the same to my studies and working life? Of course I will! :)

Now, back to my love-life episodes, despite of the fully booked days I have, to mingle between work and college, I do have a slot for my love life too. I know it sounds stupid, but hey... I need to live! :) To be honest, things are getting messier. Out of hand, completely. I think I just don't know what I want. The undivided attention that I have been received, just keep me floating up in the air, and I knew, somehow... the bubbles of happiness will be popped and I will fall and scattered into pieces. Mr. Nice Guy is being nice. As always, but somehow it just trapped me, continuously. I mean, I still thought that he rushed things too quickly. He keeps on telling me that we are in a relationship, and somehow I don't feel like I am in it!

The other guy (just discovered that he looks exactly like Ashton Kutcher, seriously. Kelso in That 70's Show), is playing things in the safe pace. He is actually going slowly. And it is kind of nice. But I don't know do I really, actually want him or not! I know I might sound a bit slutty, but I am dating these two guys at the same time, without knowing which one should I go with. I was thinking, I can go with not choosing any of them yet, until I knew it? But people would definitely called me as a selfish slut ever! But which one is more important now? Their feelings or mine? Is this about my life, or this is all about pleasing other people and neglecting your own feelings, what you do feel deep inside?

It's just making my life even far more complicated. I do feel guilty, if that is what has been lingering in your mind. But, I can't just decide, just for the sake of their feelings, can't I?

It's complicated. As complicated, and messy as the spider cob web, I presume! What do you think?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What I Want?

Hey. Been a hectic weekend. It was though.

It was horrible. I mean, got into an official relationship that I don't intend to have now, at the moment. It's the super-sweet guy. I mean, yeah. Fine. He is nice. But then, I don't really feel like going into any relationship at all. At least, not now.

But, I can't be so naive and weird. Not accepting such a nice gesture. But then, it is kind of strange for me. At least, not until I am confirmed of what I want. So, I accepted in.

I went out on Friday night, and went ballistic! Ha ha... But at least, I am enjoying it though. When I did that, then only I realized that I don't really care about this guy. I mean, not that I am being mean or anything. It's just that everything went too fast, so I just can't be strapped on chair, and forced to love someone I just like!

I was supposed to met him the next day at 6pm, but at half five I was still in my friend's boyfriend party! And there was this guy, pretty cute... Oh well. When I had this kind of thought, I alrady knew that I am in a big trouble. Terribly!

So, to shorten the story, I stood up the nice guy, accidentally. But what I did, was just staying in the living room of the friend's house, and hang out wth few people and talking. It was nice. And that was it. Plain happy me.

And of course, it triggered the other guy. The Mr. Nice Guy. I mean, he was so pissed off and he was kind of trying to hard not to understand this is me, and there is no way to change the way I am. Worst, trying to separate me from my friends? Who he thought he was? It's so torturing!

And we had a row. And he just bailed off. And, it was just a terrible moment! Anyway, we kind of got back together, and to be honest, I feel trapped! I mean, I don't really want him, but its too difficult to tell him that this is going too fast! I told him actually, but he just shoved my opinion away, and tell me that I am paranoid! Seriously, who does he thinks he is?

Is there something wrong with me, or I am right with all this? These things are driving me insane! Oh, by the way... the guy I met in the party, he is a sound guy. And, things are just worst to have more than two characters! :)

What do I actually want? Tell me what do you think. Good night!

Friday, October 10, 2008

I Am A Sugar Cube, Hey?

Hey there. :)

I had such a busy week this week, hence I can still smiling. My life now has been so nice and intriguing!

I mean, I am too busy with work in the office, and today I have classes all day. It was nice, even though there were like only an hour break from 9am till 5 in the evening! We got group assignment and also a notice telling that we will have a presentation, on the 6th November. Therefore, obviously I will have such a busy month all month, this month!

My assignment is about Property Development/Investment! And I was asked (after having a discussion with my group members), and they decided that I have to do something on Stocks and Shares in Ireland! I will be wrecked! I mean, I have no idea what is going on here, especially on stocks and shares! And with all these recession thingy, I am so going down!

On the other hand, work has been hectic too. I do feel like a Miss Little Bunny jumping from one to another projects! I have no enough hands to control all sort of things! I mean, seriously. Usually, I would be so pissed off. When I have too many things to do at once. But, maybe since I am so in my La la la Land... I am grinning to everything at the moment!

Oh by the way, there is a small news! The Mr. Fiction Guy, he is being so nice. He give me space, but at the same time... he cares for me. And he just told me that he likes me, and he would like things to work out. (I don't really get what he means, but I guess it is a good thing?). *wink*

Things are going in the good path. So, I guess it's a good sign, hey? Oh, and I got a new name last night. One among the cutest nicknames I have had received from him! I am a Sugar Cube at the moment! How cute can that be? *another wink*

I am still grinning!! :) Tell me what you think, anyway...

Good night everyone. Love you all! :)

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Happy Days

I am grinning! :)

Yeah, I guess you guys are making some sense! I mean, he is such a nice guy! It is like a dream. I am smiling all day, and he never failed to surprise me with cute, sappy, romantically idiotic gestures! Texts, calls, good night call-kisses, etc.

At least, now I know that there is someone really care about me. I mean, I don't have to ask about anything. He knows what I wants. As he said to me before (quoted from The BreakUp movie - as it was one of the dvd that we watched when I had the DVD marathon!!), "what baby wants, baby gets!".

It's awesome. It really is.

I really hope that this is for real. Or maybe not? I don't know, quite yet. But one thing that I know for sure, is that I have been wasting my time, being a servant to Mr. Jerk, and day by day, I feel so stupid of the things I had let him did to me! He never appreciate me, never been grateful and it is just unbelievable. I finally got to my senses now. Day by day.

And of course, one more thing that I am sure and aware of, I think he is so out of my mind. It was a pleasure knowing him before, keep the memories and moment in the imagination box in my head, and yes... I keep it away. I am completely done with him.

I am back on my two little feet, and I am happy at the moment. As far as I am concern! :)

Good night, people!! *twirl*

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Fiction Does Exist?

Hey hey, everyone! :)

It has been so long since I have not jotting any tales in here. I have been picking myself up from the floor, and at the same time, things just got out of hands in the office. Been very very busy, and somehow it does the work to keep myself sobbing and rying over the past.

However, I have been doing some get to know people. Yeah. As I told you guys, it has been hectic. Somehow, there were too many guys seems to be interested, and it looks like I am back to the dating game! It's quite fun though. I mean, there were loads of strange people out there as well.

But I think, we have the winner... somehow! I know it sounds so weird, as it has been to quick to have a winner. It is not even a month! But, this person really does treat me like a princess!! As opposed to how bad Mr. Jerk was treating me before. :(

This person, he always all the time looks like as if he was mesmerized by me! I am the baby, the princess, all the good things... What baby wants, baby gets! It is too unbelievable! I mean, it is very difficult for me to accept the changes, at first. I have not been exposed to kindness for so long now, and I nearly back off just because of that! How terrible had Mr. Jerk affecting my life?

He is the previous guy, whom I had a post about him. The one who was looking at me, when we were supposed to watch a movie! :) We stopped seeing each other, as he thought I was just playing around. But then, we just got connected again, supposed to just becoming friends, and I was supposed to be one of his lads... But, I don't know. I guess things changed? :)

I am not sure if I like him, but I think I do. I mean, first of all, he respected me. And he likes me! Like, seriously do. And he always made me laugh, and he is so full of nice surprises! I mean, the last time he came over, for a movie, he brought me a box of chocs, popcorn, my favourite apple juice and gummy bears! (Because when we first when to movies, I had all those things with me and he knew how much I like those tid bits!). How thoughtful?

Then, I was hungry and I ordered takeaways, and he was sitting in front of me and waiting for me to eat my dinner, slowly like a snail and he never ever complaint! And my friend called over (she sorts of like a sister to me) to come over to her house as she made a small party, and I asked him to come along, and he did... surprisingly he made an effort to be nice to her! Even though, he never ever met her!

He is sorts of like a fiction book kind of guy. The guy that I always dream of to have one, who can take care of me. Probably, I chickened out as I never had this kind of thing for so long? Do you think I should stick to this guy for a while? I am far beyond confused, as usual Daddy! :) The thing is, I am tired if soon I will be hurt, again and again... I am so tired of all this. I don't know how to react and how would it do right to myself.

It is all just too confusing for me now. Seriously. Obviously. :)

Give me some opinion, please. With that, I wish everyone to have a good night, and millions of apology for being absent for quite sometimes now. Love you all!! *kisses and twirl*

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