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Sunday, June 1, 2008

One Sunday Morning

It is a beautiful Sunday morning. The sun shines brightly. And it looks like it's going to be a good day ahead. My mind swirls deliberately. Thinking of what is actually going on with my life.
It has been so strange. It is so complicated. How would you portray a guy who is trying to be a friend or a guy who is trying to be your boyfriend? My heartbeat race to the fullest. There is no way saying how and which gesture should I be taking to know what is right and what is NOT.

I know, I am being complicated, again... with this formula of life, love and trouble. The thing is, everything seems perfectly fine. I have him with me. I met him, at least once a day. It's just that... I feel strange!

Now, I have this thought on my mind. Is it really me who always create trouble, when everything runs smoothly? He is being nice, all the time he is there... and I am being super-paranoid because of nothing. Does that means I am the trouble ones, not just for this one but for all the mislead in love throughout my entire life?

Does that actually means I am craving for tears, heartbroken and the shattered feeling? Longing for the exquisite feeling that somehow it will break me into pieces? What is wrong with me?

What is it that I want, actually? Does that mean I want more that what is offered? And if I don't get it, it would pissed me off, and I would be in my original state of mind, being wrecked? Is that what I actually want? What I am longing for? Isn't that spell, "strange"?

Or maybe all this feeling actually showing that I have doubt on what he is giving now, and the fact that he is now different from the past (when he used to be a jerk), keep me having doubt and more doubt about it that I can barely feel secure, at all, anymore?

I am too confused. I don't really know what is going on, and it actually driving me nuts!

Was it his changes that bother me, or was it just me all along right from the first time? What is going on?

2 twirls with baby:

Daddy Papersurfer on June 1, 2008 at 11:15 PM said...

Confusion and you go hand in hand - enjoy the moment. Paralysis by analysis - a common complaint...... and believe it or not, I used to be a jerk [actually, I used not to be and now I am - tee hee]

*hugs* to the *twirling* mind!!

shle3pyb4by on June 2, 2008 at 2:03 AM said...

daddy... :)

yeah, confusion, complicated and wondering are basically run throughout my life!! :)

you were a jerk before? err, i mean now even? *giggles*

are you saying that it can be changed?? you think he is changing?? uhuhh, i really hope so! :)


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