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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Spider Web

Hey all. I am at home today. For the first time since, I can't even remember when was the last time, I called in sick. I woke up this morning, feeling all sluggish and worn out! I was walking back home last night from work, not to mention, I was kind of LOST. And all those breezy cold winter wind just put me to a paralyzed state!

So, here I am. Munching some tiny little nuggets, and typing my sad sappy life! :)

I know that I have been scribbling this more than once, but when I took up the college, and working at the same time... it does take my time, obviously. I mean, rushing to work to complete everything before Thursday, having my mind full of thoughts, I have to rush to college for tutorial classes until half nine at night on Wednesday (after work). Messed my head with all the calculations we had in Financial Management class. Then, back home and sleep. Woke up the next morning for the full day class the next day, on Thursday. And bac to office again on Friday morning, trying to catch up what has been left on Wednesday! It's massively hectic!

It actually does take my time up! And, with the additional flavour of crappy weather by now, it doesn't really help! But I know what I want. I have to be strong with these obstacles! Obviously!! I want to become a chartered surveyor in three years time, so I know I can do this. If I am known to be so stubborn in my love-life, why can't I apply the same to my studies and working life? Of course I will! :)

Now, back to my love-life episodes, despite of the fully booked days I have, to mingle between work and college, I do have a slot for my love life too. I know it sounds stupid, but hey... I need to live! :) To be honest, things are getting messier. Out of hand, completely. I think I just don't know what I want. The undivided attention that I have been received, just keep me floating up in the air, and I knew, somehow... the bubbles of happiness will be popped and I will fall and scattered into pieces. Mr. Nice Guy is being nice. As always, but somehow it just trapped me, continuously. I mean, I still thought that he rushed things too quickly. He keeps on telling me that we are in a relationship, and somehow I don't feel like I am in it!

The other guy (just discovered that he looks exactly like Ashton Kutcher, seriously. Kelso in That 70's Show), is playing things in the safe pace. He is actually going slowly. And it is kind of nice. But I don't know do I really, actually want him or not! I know I might sound a bit slutty, but I am dating these two guys at the same time, without knowing which one should I go with. I was thinking, I can go with not choosing any of them yet, until I knew it? But people would definitely called me as a selfish slut ever! But which one is more important now? Their feelings or mine? Is this about my life, or this is all about pleasing other people and neglecting your own feelings, what you do feel deep inside?

It's just making my life even far more complicated. I do feel guilty, if that is what has been lingering in your mind. But, I can't just decide, just for the sake of their feelings, can't I?

It's complicated. As complicated, and messy as the spider cob web, I presume! What do you think?

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