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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Road To Nowhere




It's Tuesday. I had meeting today, a Design Team meeting. In the Architect's office. But, that's not the thing I wanted to tell you about today. It is more about myself that I wanted to tell you about.

Out of nowhere, I felt horrified today. I think. And, I know. When I think, it always involved my emotions. I feel awful. Awfully horrible. *long sigh*


I keep on thinking about myself. Like, what will I ended up become. Today, I called the college. Have I told you that I registered for another degree course? That is for me to be eligible to take the chartered surveyor's exam. I wanted to be someone. To be someone that mama can be proud of. Someone who's worth to be with and someone who is not just like a piece of shit.

They still have not decide yet which year shall I be in. They gave me until end of the week. Waiting is killing me. I hate waiting!

That's about my career path. Who will I become.


But, personally... I mean, truthfully inner side of me, despite of the career thingy... I don't know which way am I leading to. I just don't know. I know these will bore you out of nowhere. My sappy love-life. But I need to spit it out. I don't know where and whom shall I talk to about this. But, I just thought that I shall write this in, and at least I share my burden with other peeps. At least, I learned that spitting out this kinda thing, will eventually help yourself out. (Even though I just can't figure out HOW!) *another sigh*

I dated, err... I mean, I went out with few guys. A, B, C and D. But, I just couldn't figure out, what is going on. I'm confused. Technically, I am a GEMINIANS. Said that the GEMINIANS tend to fall in love and to lose the love, in short time. Have to agree with that. I think it is quite true. I saw a guy, I went out with a guy... I got attached. I like him. Attached to him. And then, I felt horrible when he doesn't call. I felt stupid. Like, I am not worth at all! I'm sad. I'm wrecked. Hold on for few days. Then, I'm okay. I met another guy. And the routine live the life of.


Mad? I know. I think so. Now, I am too confused. I'm all wrecked. Like, a total disaster.

I don't know. How I wish I know how to pace in the right step and move on with my life.

How I am so grateful that I have my career, and how I am tremendously grateful that I am going to start my class soon! How I wish, I would be far more better than I am today.

How, as always... how I wish...

5 twirls with baby:

AdrianC on September 12, 2007 at 3:40 PM said...

omg you are ranting and I am reading, ME a single for 19 years and never been in love!!!

well, when the time comes, he/she, the right one will come. so i just enjoy life and worry not! at least thats what i think. lol

so dont be too stressed out. just be yourself and your prince charming will be in ur life soon!

:)

[s][e][x][y][i][n][r][e][d] on September 12, 2007 at 7:18 PM said...

You really have to be sure of what you want in a man babe. Or else you end up attracting wrong kind of man always!!!

It's just the same thing that goes with friends and actually it applies to man too...you could easily find man who are looking for fun but the one who shares your happyness & sorrows & really love and understand you that's kinda searching diamonds lost in sands...some find it really fast...others took ages

It took time and determination to find that lost diamond, but it will be worth all the wait and hard work...

All the guys that you had been dating they provide you with a short term satisfaction will last a week or two but no more, because all they want is havin' fun and when it is no fun anymore what's the point of them staying?...

So it's really up to you which one is you're up to? Brace yourself and be strong!

shle3pyb4by on September 13, 2007 at 7:28 AM said...

adrian; hahaha... somehow there's always a cliche somewhere, somehow eh? *wink*
thanks anyway... i'll stick to that! i mean, i'll put that on mind! *double wink*

sexyinred; part of it is so true, and part of it, err... somehow, parted slightly a bit from the real thing. somehow, i just don't know where i got this from, but believe me... bad/awful/jerky kinda guy always attracts me.... LOADS! and i do also believe that, there is a guy out there for me. now, its more like juggle here and there... and the best for me out of it, my feelings; fluctuates! unreasonable? thats me. i tend to like, get bored and hate someone in just a nano second... idiot eh? *wink*
oh, btw... sometimes it makes me wonder, if i have that kinda thing inside me, how the hell can i cope with marriage? na...na! not that far! as yet.. *giggles*
ill stick that in mind too!

thanks guys!! mwahsss!!

Lupideloop on September 13, 2007 at 8:05 AM said...

Hey Shleepy!! :-)

I'm here.. just been rather busy work wise and otherwise and haven't had much time to log in and read.

First of all... good luck on the new course!

Secondly: Love & Life! Ahh.. I have been single for quite a while too, hey Adrian I used to follow your same mentality - live and let live, if the right person pops by then things will happen, but recently things have changed. A certain person came into my life, only to be unreachable, who made me realise I cannot keep on waiting ad infinitum.

However, you only live life once... so you don't want to waste precious years with the wrong person. As long as your friend stick by you you will be fine. You just need to find the right balance between fun relationships, serious relationship (please note the singular as I believe a true relationship is for life) and procrastination over relationships!

(ps... thanks for dropping by my blog recently... errm yeah i do manage to put a few words together once in a while which seemingly make sense! :-P)

shle3pyb4by on September 13, 2007 at 8:43 AM said...

lupideloop, thanks for the advice. and yeah, i'm juggling the guys now! hahaha... theoritically, thats how it goes. i mean, technically i am single and available. so, im all ready to mingle and juggle! hows that sound to you? catchy eh? i thought so. *giggles*

i wont be out there, searching for a future groom to be, desperately. i dont think im capable of doing that without having a mess here and there. lol. trust me on that. im one hell of a clumsy chicka. *wink*

ill see what i can do. but basically, what im doing now, as what ure saying. im enjoying my single life, and meeting new peeps. after all, experimenting is all what life is. so, here i come!

btw, yup! youre writings (i mean, ur poem), is so over the top! kudos to you on that!! i used to have the same passion too, but mine is a bit out of tune i must say, and it is nothing compare to yours!! yayyy!

take care!! *triple wink and twirl*

 

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