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Saturday, March 28, 2009

A Twirling Update!

Hey ya... I am back here. Again.

It is Friday night, but I am sitting at home, and trying to get my head to absorb all the notes from college! Somehow, I got the goosebumps early enough this time! Usually, I will only have this kind of thing when it is nearly the time for the exam! :)

Probably, it is the aging! Growing old makes you feel you need more than enough time to study! Gosh!

Okay, here's the newsflash! I am still out of job. Still no joy, and let's see... it is already been officially 7 weeks, that I have been out of job. And, no joy ever since. How could a person be comfortable enough to stay at home and do nothing, in full of triumph? There are people like that, and I am saying this based on what I saw. And it is true. There are a flock of people who actually doing this thing for living! Getting the money from the government (since the government is being so nice in terms of giving out money to people....), and just loathing and basically, DO NOTHING! How could that be so enjoyable? No idea!

As in for me, it nearly break me into pieces. I need to see people!!! Being cocooned in your own life, without any leads to anywhere... trust me, it's sickening! If it was for a week or two, then it is fine. But, to have it continuously happened, well... it is hell!

Love life? Hmm... this is a tricky one. I think, the thing that I had been thinking before, was so right! I think I am paranoid. Know why? Because now I am doubting is he really into me. I know that he is being nice and everything to me, but there are times when I actually doubt it. Like, how could a man possibly stand with me, in a relationship for so long? I am well known for my unsuccessful relationship for years! Therefore, that what makes me a bit paranoid when it comes to a smooth sailing relationship. Well, sometimes, things that he said... just makes me wonder. Like, is he really into me?

The thing is, people often said that, when it is right, there will be no doubt about it at all. But, why do I have this doubtful things in my mind, as days passed by? Would that technically is an omen telling me that it is going to end soon? Or is there any better ways to overcome this silly thought? By ignoring everything that you think, and just ... just don't think? At all? Is that it? Is that the key to all the successful women out day with their happy, blessed relationship? Yes?

Or probably the fact that I actually don't really see where are we going. To be honest, I don't really see where we are in a year time. Not even a year... say, in two months time. Is this one of the symptoms, when you are actually dating a younger guy? It is more of a spontaneous relationship, rather than a well planned kind?

With the situation of me not having a job, and moving from an exclusive one bed apartment to a mews, sharing with two other housemates... (Oh yeah, forgot to mention. I moved to a house in a street called, Rxxxxxxx Mews, and I have checked the dictionary that mews mean - street lined with buildings that were originally private stables but have been remodeled as dwellings! Almost like, I am a horse in a stable! Haha...) I feel more insecure about my relationship. Don't ask me why but I just think that those two reason did affect my thoughts on my relationship. The security in this relationship, just seems to run down. I mean, he can basically leave me on a stake, if he wants to. If he doesn't really want me anymore... and at the end, I will be so hopeless trying to reach for the branch before I fell off the cliff! Oh, how dramatic! Haha...

Let's just hope this is just one of the bad vibes that always visit me once in a month! Let's just really hope that is the reason! Please God! :)

Well, that is it for today. I'm feeling a bit starving already. Maybe, I should make a tuna sandwich for my dinner? Let's see... Okay, talk to you guys soon! Good night, and have a good weekend! :)

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