So, Where Can You Find Me Next?

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Hi everyone.

It has been a while, yes. I am aware of that. Things have been extremely hectic over the last few years that I have neglected my me-time to write in here.

However, good things come to those who wait.

I have created a new blog, a more of grown-up sort of blog called The Fickle Mind of A Foxy Chick. Feel free to drop by and read all my rants on my everyday life through my oh-so fickle mind, okay?

This blog will now be officially stopped from any new post starting from today onwards.

So, see you there then.

Cheers.

Xx

Me, My Nose & My Throat

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I just got home. It's 1.53am now. I went to my friend's place. She cooked for me - a way of saying goodbye. I suppose more like a farewell hang out thing? I went there with another friend. We had fun! There were so many food!! Home-made bread sticks, garlic bread, pizza (yes, it is home-made pizza!!!) and chocolate chip cookies with ice cream!!! It was yummy and it was amazing.

Then, my friend sent me home. So, here I am.

I really don't feel so good. It's the cold! It annoys me. My nose is blocked. My throat is so sore. And I keep on having small little coughs, that tickles my throat.

I hate being sick!!!!

I just gulped on the cough syrup and sinus tablet. So, let's just hope tomorrow will be a good day for me, my nose and my throat!!! :(

Speak soon, guys. xxx

A Twirling Update!

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Hey ya... I am back here. Again.

It is Friday night, but I am sitting at home, and trying to get my head to absorb all the notes from college! Somehow, I got the goosebumps early enough this time! Usually, I will only have this kind of thing when it is nearly the time for the exam! :)

Probably, it is the aging! Growing old makes you feel you need more than enough time to study! Gosh!

Okay, here's the newsflash! I am still out of job. Still no joy, and let's see... it is already been officially 7 weeks, that I have been out of job. And, no joy ever since. How could a person be comfortable enough to stay at home and do nothing, in full of triumph? There are people like that, and I am saying this based on what I saw. And it is true. There are a flock of people who actually doing this thing for living! Getting the money from the government (since the government is being so nice in terms of giving out money to people....), and just loathing and basically, DO NOTHING! How could that be so enjoyable? No idea!

As in for me, it nearly break me into pieces. I need to see people!!! Being cocooned in your own life, without any leads to anywhere... trust me, it's sickening! If it was for a week or two, then it is fine. But, to have it continuously happened, well... it is hell!

Love life? Hmm... this is a tricky one. I think, the thing that I had been thinking before, was so right! I think I am paranoid. Know why? Because now I am doubting is he really into me. I know that he is being nice and everything to me, but there are times when I actually doubt it. Like, how could a man possibly stand with me, in a relationship for so long? I am well known for my unsuccessful relationship for years! Therefore, that what makes me a bit paranoid when it comes to a smooth sailing relationship. Well, sometimes, things that he said... just makes me wonder. Like, is he really into me?

The thing is, people often said that, when it is right, there will be no doubt about it at all. But, why do I have this doubtful things in my mind, as days passed by? Would that technically is an omen telling me that it is going to end soon? Or is there any better ways to overcome this silly thought? By ignoring everything that you think, and just ... just don't think? At all? Is that it? Is that the key to all the successful women out day with their happy, blessed relationship? Yes?

Or probably the fact that I actually don't really see where are we going. To be honest, I don't really see where we are in a year time. Not even a year... say, in two months time. Is this one of the symptoms, when you are actually dating a younger guy? It is more of a spontaneous relationship, rather than a well planned kind?

With the situation of me not having a job, and moving from an exclusive one bed apartment to a mews, sharing with two other housemates... (Oh yeah, forgot to mention. I moved to a house in a street called, Rxxxxxxx Mews, and I have checked the dictionary that mews mean - street lined with buildings that were originally private stables but have been remodeled as dwellings! Almost like, I am a horse in a stable! Haha...) I feel more insecure about my relationship. Don't ask me why but I just think that those two reason did affect my thoughts on my relationship. The security in this relationship, just seems to run down. I mean, he can basically leave me on a stake, if he wants to. If he doesn't really want me anymore... and at the end, I will be so hopeless trying to reach for the branch before I fell off the cliff! Oh, how dramatic! Haha...

Let's just hope this is just one of the bad vibes that always visit me once in a month! Let's just really hope that is the reason! Please God! :)

Well, that is it for today. I'm feeling a bit starving already. Maybe, I should make a tuna sandwich for my dinner? Let's see... Okay, talk to you guys soon! Good night, and have a good weekend! :)

Fickle FLowy Floo

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It's Wednesday. So, it is only Wednesday. Sigh.

It felt like it has been ages since weekends! Too occupied with work, supposedly to shorten the time, but then again... it has been decades for me! It was too long, and too lengthy to go through. It makes me feel so tired! Gosh! I sound so typically old now. Don't mind that!

Anyway, things have been good. I have been eating regularly, on time. Good healthy meal. Woke up early morning, each day without difficulties (err, okay! That is a bit off the real thing, but at least I am as optimistic as I can be everytime I woke up from bed each morning, even though sometimes the weather did pissed me off, most of the times!). But what I mean is, it is better than the last time when everytime the alarm strikes, I feel a lot, loads of pressure somehow to move myself, away from bed. Impossible yes, but its a fact about me for you to know! *giggles*

What more? Ah, I am more sensible now in terms of dividing my weekends between night life and living like a normal person can be. It's not about going out all night all weekends anymore. It's like once in a while, and I know that I have been complaining about it before of how strange it is to stay at home and not going out, the urge to go out just too tempting and I can't even stand still, watching the clock swift slowly from one minute to another... but hey, I guess I am back on the normal track now, where I don't even mind about that anymore, at least not as bad as it was before!

I wonder how can I possibly be so positive as I am today (despite of the weather - which is crap today, even though we did have a few minutes of sunny afternoon for a while!). It's just unbelievable! But then again, this is me. I can be so unpredictable most of the times, and being fickle is just so me! Wait 'till tomorrow, or maybe even few hours after... I might be scribbling something really negative that soon will definitely put you off and wondering,

"What is wrong with this little girl?! Aha!! She is fickle, alright!"

So, I will chat to you guys soon! Take care and have a nice evening, ahead! *twirl dramatically*

Love Song?

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Lyrics are awesome. I like it, now and now!! :)

Happy Anniversary To Me

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Good evening, everyone. It's Sunday and its beautiful in Dublin! Surprise, surprise. It is very nice, seriously. hen I was sitting in the balcony, I have this sun shinning to me, like a Summer Bliss! At last!! *wink*

I was half dead last night, as I went to a party in a club on Friday night, and it was good performance, somehow! Oh, and the ticket sold out! Luckily, I got the tickets a month earlier! Lucky me!!! *wink*

It was so good, and I will post some pictures when I got them from my friends. If its available. I am not so sure about it. But anyway, it is beautiful performance. Really. I enjoyed myself, anyway. That is must be because I didn't go out for two weekends, and last two nights... when I went there, its superb!

One more important thing, today... 27th July 2008, is my blog anniversary!! It has been a year I have been blogging!! Its supposed to be a party for my blog today!! Yayyy for me!!

I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you to whomever has and had supported me all this while. I appreciate that loads! I love you all, people!! Take care.

I'll be jotting down again soon enough! Tata. *wink*

Party Is On!

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IT IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! *star jump with a twirl*


Everyone, please make yourself comfortable and at home. Let's have fun, and enjoy some cakes, pastries and drinks! *wink*

I am officially 27 years 'young' on this date, and would like to thank you for all the wishes!! *twirl*

I really, really, really, really... appreciate that loads!

Cheers! *chingg chinggg*

One More Sleep...

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It's just one more day, one more sleep... *wink*

Can't wait!! And, the adventure begins!

Also, my birthday getaway... *wink*

I am truly happy... *twirl*

The Countdown Continues...

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One more day... *wink*

Tomorrow is the last day at work, before a long That is the best bit of all! I can wake up late all day, and lazying myself all day all night. Can't wait!

And of course, one more day before my birthday. It has also been two years since I have been staying here, in Dublin. Today, exactly two years of my stay here. I am so proud of myself to actually hanging on, alone here in Dublin.

Too many things happened in that two consecutive years. Too many things to list out too. It has been a tiring two weeks for me. As for this moment on, I think I can sit back and relax a bit, with less pressure from no one.

Being older a year, supposedly I should have become wiser. But, in my point of view... I don't think I do? *giggles* I should have set up my mission, my aim... as I am becoming older. Should I? I don't know exactly... still, what I want in life. I really don't.

I haven't found the things that I would want to do. I feel that it is difficult to aim, as it will always be rotten in mind, not being able to make it. Therefore, for me it is best not to do anything with it, but just to go with the flow. I have give up thinking too much, as it always dissapoint me. I always end up in misery, instead of performing a star jump, in any way. *sigh*

Therefore, I have decided not to think. Instead, walk on the runaway. If once or twice, I twisted my ankle with the heels, and fell... I can still arise and walk on. Those few splits will only make me stronger, to walk on the runaway. That is the first thing I have made myself clear. Full stop.

Good night.

P/S: One more day for my birthday!! (not including today). Countdown continues... *drum roll*

Sunday Flicks

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Morning started with bright, sunny day... but then now, seems like its getting dark with black clouds everywhere.

Went to Grafton Street, to do last minute shopping before off to Tenerife on Thursday. And back home at half four... *wink*

As I am stucked at home, with nothing to do (I should be packing to move out, basically... but of course I am too lazy to do that, as yet...), I did some stupid things!

Taking some happy pictures of me, on Sunday evening at home!

Have fun viewing!! *twirl & kisses*

Sail Smoothly

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Hey hey... *wink*

It is a mild day today. And, of course... Dublin's weather will always be a Dublin's weather. Five minutes it's dark and gloomy, and wait another five, then it turned out to be sunny and warm. And, continuously, repeated... traa laa laa humm...

My home-hunting is still on going. I am still looking, and I have viewing tomorrow as well. It is a one bed apartment, with a huge balcony connecting from bedroom to the living room! Must be an awesome, huge unit, I think... Aah, can't wait!! I need space. I need big space, and I am being fussy as well in choosing this time. I want a house/apartment with loads of windows... I like the house to be airy. Filled with the bright from the sun. To give warmness, home feeling. That are the two things I need. Loads of space, and also windows. Wish me luck on the house viewing tomorrow!

On the other hand...

There are three more days to go to work, then I am off for my holidays. Friday, Monday and Tuesday.

And of course, as the countdown sets... SIX more days from my birthday (today is included)!! Yayyy!!

Six, six more days... Traa laa laa hum... Ooh, I can't wait. *wink*

And of course, countdown to my vacation as well. Uhuhh... everything is so exciting at the moment, and I guess... not thinking too much helps! *wink*

Love you people!! *wink*

In A Week Time

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Hello people... *wink*

I am so excited. I am counting the days off. In few more days, I will be 27 this year! *giggles*

So, to everyone out there... who has been wondering when is the exact date of my birthday, it is on the 18th June. Exactly, a week from now.

The countdown, starts today!! Yayyy!!!

Defining Moments

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It has been a busy weekends for me. Was too busy looking for a new house, in Dublin. Seriously. Everything here is so expensive, and you have to be as quick and wicked as a squirrel to get a good home to stay. Sigh.

Been looking and viewing few places now. Had few good ones, as well as bad ones too. I could not really choose which one, exactly... as it is confusing. You have to have the money on hand to get grip on the house that you really really like, to book them. And I don't even know and confirm as yet, which one to choose, and when to move out. But definitely either middle or end of July. I think.

It has been a torturing moment.

Been talking to my mom, and she said she would think that a good house with a good space, and not that expensive would be the right choice. It would be. But would be a burden to find one. Mostly, when you called, the answer would be, "... it's gone."

I am thinking about the holiday, as well as when to move out, then... of course of which range of rent would be good. It is all, confusing. And stressful as well. Sigh. Why can't it be as easy as it could?

I have seen this one house, yesterday. That I really, really like. Its a house, with a spiral stairs lead to a mezzanine floor double bedroom. It's class. Posh in a way. But, it is only up to the owner to decide who will be suitable to get the house. I am so devastated. I thought I really want the house, but today... I am thinking about it, and thought that I can have a nice one bed, modern apartment... the same price as that. Speaking of being a Gemini, and a fickle minded girl? Is just making things more difficult.

I'll have a look again these coming few days, I'd say... and only then I will decide. As if I can make the decision. Sigh.

Wish me luck! :)

With Or Without

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It has been a hectic week for me, these past few days. Too many things to do at once in the office, somehow it cracked my brain - a bit.

I have never felt so exhausted yet still confused about the life I had and have ahead. It is the rhythm of life, I'd say. At one time, you will be up in the sky and on the other hand, you will be collapsing, shattered, scattered on the ground.

My dream, supposed to be my get-away birthday vacation, (at this moment), might not happened. Despite all the stress at work, weather, friends... this thing pissed me off big time. Somehow, this person just told me that it might not be possible for this person to go to Tenerife. I won't mind if I have to stay late in the office to finish up a job that should be done there and then. I won't mind to have to go through heavy rain with wind, to come back from work late at night. I won't mind to be neglected and ignored once they have found another friend... but a cancellation for MY birthday get-away is a big no-no. I am waiting for this. It was my dream. It was one of my wishlist, and now it is in vague.

Why would a person promised, then break the promise as if nothing happened? Is that the new proposition of extremist propoganda? Have I been so not up to date to realize that it is actually, okay to behave like that? Or am I being so childish to get, and to actually get what I want on my birthday that has not been celebrated two years ago?

It is all too confusing at the moment. I have thought about it. If this person is not going, things are going to get reallllyyyyy ugly. I mean, really really ugly.

And whatever it is, I am still going. With or without this person! Full stop.

Cocoon Up

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It's warm, sunny Monday! It is a Bank Holiday today, which means no work on Monday!! *wink* It has always been a pleasure not to work on Monday, no matter how hard I tried to be focused on Monday, it surely won't happened.

Surprisingly, it is beautiful, again!!! It's an off day, and it's gorgeous. What more can I ask?

It has been a lazy day for me today. I have been cocooned myself in my room, and just simply being lazy. It's a bliss!

Foregoing the bliss moment I had and to have in another few more hours, I can't help myself thinking. What is going on with my life, basically? I am nearby towards thirty of age in few years time, and I am still here, popping around like a small kid, happily tip toeing, wandering around.

When would it be the best time to think and decide of my path of life? Has it already timed out? What if when I thought of aligning my path, it is way too late. What would happen to me by then?

Things like this always bother me. Too much to 'consume' and too much to think of. And ended up, off the narrow road of nowhere.

What will happen by then?

Decision Making?

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It is Sunday morning, and the clock just strikes 10.30 a while ago. Surprisingly, I am sitting in front of my laptop and typing! *wink*

I have succeeded staying in, from Friday night to Sunday morning without having my regular night-outs as the usual. I am a bit proud of myself somehow. I made it.

But it made me thinks. Which options are actually the best to choose, to stay in or to go out?

I just realized, what I have been doing these past few days, by staying in, is basically lounging in my room, internet, flicking through channels in the telly, hoping from one DVD to another… oh, and not to forget, munching all sorts of junk food that I can think of, and that is available in my room.

Would that be the best option of all the options that I have? Eating non-stop those yummy, chocolate snacks over and over again? And obviously, I will eventually, will gain so much weight and no longer be able to go out and have fun. Would that be it?

On the other hand, if I go out, the one that I usually do… Long hours night out, filled with my exercise regime, dancing all night long, that put me to a nice figure, and feeling relaxed… but will definitely be intoxicated with gallons of alcohol consumed in my body, and it stays, will put me to a bad, sorts of bad condition on the Sunday morning, and sometimes prolonged to Monday mornings (that is one of the reason why I hate Mondays), will that be the appropriate options then? And oh, of course… the owl-kind-of living, sleeping during the day, and might eventually lost full day of a beautiful sunny days… on weekends. Would that then, be it?

I always ended up having such options. The one opposing to another, the one would ended up can never be compared. As there were the pros and cons on each. That would simply put me into the hideous condition of all, which to contemplate and as which to adapt?

Is life will always be difficult as this, no matter what is it all about…? Will we always be put in this situation, to choose? Why can’t life be as simple as eating strawberries in field streamed with daisies and butterflies on a sunny day? Does this decision-making will always be the ‘in thing’ in life?

Would That Person Be Me?

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I am in my room, sitting in front of my laptop and sipping a cup of coffee, early in the Monday morning! It's a Bank Holiday, again! Means, no work on Monday! Yayyy!

Surprisingly, I didn't go out last night, that makes me so fresh this morning. My friend, with the husband has gone like, 10 minutes ago. They have been staying here since Friday to wait for today to go back to my country for good. One of my list of friend, has gone. *sad*

Anyway, I have been out since Friday night, and came back home on Sunday morning. It has been a hectic night for me. I met the other pair of socks, of mine. Eventually, not purposely. Sorts of.

I have been to house party, without him. I have not contact him or didn't pursue any attempt in contacting him since Friday night, but he contacted me. (He did contacted me on Friday anyway, and decided not to come to where I was, and that was it). Then, I did ignored but then he tried to find me again on Saturday noon, asking me (ferociously!), where was I. What was that supposed to be?

First of all, I am not his girl. Second, why does he has to sounds like a lunatic, asking where I am and what I am doing? Technically, he is not in the position to do all that!!! What make him so curious to know where I am if he is not interested in me? And why would it bothers him so much if I am somewhere, having some party with some people and he is not there? (As I did answered that I am in some party, then he insisted to know where I am, with the reason, just tell him where I am so that he knows where I am, but he is not coming over. Just to know!). That was his reason, anyway.

Why would men be as difficult as he is, tempting and insisting on something when they know that they shouldn't be in the situation to actually do that? Why would men deny the fact that they are so into you, and suddenly chickened out, when they knew that the girl has the same feeling for them? Would that make them looking powerful than we are, and that actually makes them the superhero of this love life fictions?

How would I possibly survived in this act of life? As per in movies, there would definitely be one person who will get hurt in this sketch, as the usual, and would that be me?

Best Friends?

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The day is over... for today. I am sitting on the stool, in my room. Staring at the laptop. Another nice evening, with a good meal, a good laugh and another box of puzzle set. He just went home. We ate, dinner... again! Together.

It was nice. Was really nice actually. We had a sirloin steak, spinach, tomatoes and potato cheese. We had a good talk, laugh... we talked basically about everything. And laugh about basically everything. It looks like two person having fun.

But was it just me who felt strange deep inside? Was it normal for a guy and a girl, without any love relationship bonding, having dinner more than once, together? Was it me, feeling so strange when we were quiet, like nothing to talk about, probably catching our breath after a very good laugh, caught him staring at me? Was it me, who is having this hallucination of all these thing and the fact that it is not happening? It just drives me mad!


Technically, I don't really know what is going on. And worst of all, I don't know what and how do I feel at this moment. Maybe it was just friends? And I even had a thought that I will be okay if we are just friends, as I am not sure anymore.


But maybe, I don't know. Maybe he is not really a friend to me. But maybe he is not a boyfriend to me too. But he is something else. He is something more than a friend, but not yet qualified to be called my boyfriend. What is that then? Three days in a week, he came around and just there, sitting with me... whilst he usually do other things. This is just so not him. What make him become 'this'?

What is the hidden agenda? Or maybe it wasn't.

Or was it, all along... was just me, thinking the things that I wasn't supposed to, just to satisfy my mind and self, longing for the exquisite pain. The pain that put me in sorrow.

Is that the new trend of satisfying yourself, in this new era? The more you gain from the exquisite pain, the more you feel better? This is all one big puzzle, that I can solve, NOT.

Still, the question popping my mind now and then...

"Can a boy and a girl become just 'best friends'...? Can they?"

Undefined Bonds

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It has been a weird week for me, starting in the first day of the week. My other so-called pair of socks is hanging around in my life. Somehow, it just happened that he eventually became very nice, and it is so strange to actually having this thing at the moment.

We went for a cup of coffee on Monday, and he actually waited for me until I finish work, and I purposely turned up late, and he is still there. Waiting. It is so weird and strange for me, seriously.

Furthermore, he came over later on with the reason of getting some DVDs from my home, and ended up cooking dinner for me? What was that supposed to mean? I don't even have enough ingredients in my home, and he basically run down to the nearest store, get all the things, and came back and cook for me! He stayed for a little while, we talked, laughing... then he went home. It is so strange to me, let it be as it is. But then, the same thing happened again on the next day.

On Tuesday, I got a text from him, saying that it was fun what we did the night before, and he would like to eat together again. And surprisingly, he came. With all the ingredients, and cook again!! Last night. I was in a complete confusion era. Seriously. We ate, watched a movie after one and another. And... I got really sick (not that he cooked something poisonous - hahaha... but I was sick, originally. Probably the shockment takes control!). He was looking so comfortable on the couch... until he said (reluctantly), that he should go home. I really don't know what to respond, then I said okay. But he stood still.

Then, he keeps on popping this question, until I said... "oh, okay. Maybe you should just stay and go back tomorrow". That is when I know I have made a wrong move. We keep quiet for quite sometimes... then, he suddenly, take his jacket and looking so strange, and walked up to the door.

I really don't know what have I done. I said bye, and he just left. Was it me who is trying to be nice, asking a friend to stay as it was late for him to go home (his house is not that far from me though, as I told you before he moved so near to my home - kind of a stalker eh? haha...)? Or was it him, being so uncomfortable as he said that we should be just friend and he could not handle the truth that he actually has feelings for me, which is a feeling that is more than a friend? It was way too confusing.

But one thing for sure, I know that he did have fun when he was at my place, and the fact that he actually cooked for me, is really something. As he is not really that kind of guy who cook, err... I think you got what I mean. Or probably, it is the way of him showing that we are in fact good buddies, so he cooks for me as a nice gesture to all this confusion? But why does he has to be strange, having all this weird, nervous-wrecking moves when he was in my home and looking at me when I wasn't looking?

Was it me who thinks and hope too much but in fact it is just a normal things that normal people do? Or, (this lead to a normal and basic question of all to this complicated equation of love), can a boy and a girl really become friends, like just friends?

It hurts me so badly to think all this as I wouldn't have the right answer to it, at all! I really don't know what he wants from me, and basically I don't actually know what I want from him. But one thing for sure, the fact that he is actually spending time together with me these past few days, and looking at him smiling and laughing, and the fact that we are comfortable with each other existence, really means something.

Something that is more than a friend... something more complicated. An undefined bonds that can never be explained.

I thought so...

Girls Are So Creative, I Think...

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Hi people!! I went out on Friday, but here I am again to jot down something. I had a research recently, and I made myself as a guinea pig for my own experiment!! *giggles* I just made a research about girls! I think we are creative. Think about this.

A girl/woman/lady...goddesses, that is what daddy always refers to. When we were planning to go to shop to buy socks, we will ended up with loads of paperbags from the shops, of shoes, clothes and etc.


But a boy/man/guy... would go to buy the particular socks and ended up with a sock! So, they are so lame! *giggles*

I went to lines of shop in Grafton Street, on my way back from work and I saw loads of new items on sale. And I was planning to go out as well, later that night. So, I went into a shop, and I managed just to look and went out. But there are loads of other shops in front. But I walk. And I ended up in a shop, that is having sale for spring. Everything is so cheap. Price has been reduced too much.

And I just can't resist. So I got myself a shorts, and a sleeveless in RED! I went back home, happily. Then I thought, a girl is absolutely more creative then a guy. I bought because it is cheap and it is worth buying, but if I am a guy, I won't buy those as I don't need those, not creative.

So, my conclusion is, girls have creative minds, while guys... you figure. *giggles*

Good night.