Bad Vibes Are Soon To Be Gone, I Hope...

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Hi there. So, here I am. Back again. There is nothing much to tell really. I mean, I have been jobless for two weeks, counting today's in. Two consecutive weeks without a job and one day class a week is killing me inside. Really.

What I could not imagine is how the hell is some people who can live life happily without a job in a long term unemployment in their own will! Like, they are some sort enjoying the life of no job at all for such amount of longer time!! How did they manage to do that? Horrifically disastrous, if it is in for me I say!

I know I hated job once in a while, but most of the time if it is on Monday, but then again.... work is when you ought to see people and your brain is still active. But without job, you feel some sort of LOST in your own place of mind. And it is not a favourable thing to do if you ask me!

Since I do not have a job, that simply means I could not afford the place I am living in now. My little lair! Currently, I am living in a one bed apartment, with a super huge balconies that runs along the living room to my bedroom, but now... I can not afford this place anymore.

That is why I have been quite not in the blog anymore to blog. .I have been busy to find a job, a new home and all this thing just wrecked me into bits! I could not live by myself anymore, instead I opt for sharing! Share with other housemates, but having my own bedroom.

Lucky me, after few days struggling (you would not even know how difficult it is to find a home in Ireland! Once it is on the website, newly posted for few hours, but if you're late to call and book for viewing, it is already gone! - See this letting, sharing, etc. website in Ireland www.daft.ie ), I got a little place for myself. Oh, no. Sharing but with my own bedroom! For €650 per month. Now I am paying €1,100 per month for a one bed apartment!

It is so difficult. Like, you have to know the areas, so that you are not in a shit pit, where all the gang lands gathered! You never knew. There's few spots here which shows "STAY AWAY". In some of those areas, even sometimes taxi drivers are afrai to pass through the roads/areas just because it is noted to be dangerously dangerous!

I just got the text today telling me that I got the room that I viewed last night! I was so happy. Because the guy was telling me that he will let me know on Monday to let more people to view the house, but then he texted me this afternoon and tell me that he offering the room to me!! Yayyy! :) One job is done.

I will have to move out from this house by 19th March, and the new house required me to move in on the 15th March. So, it is kind of PERFECT! I have few photos on the new home too! Oh, and did I tell you that the room I am going to be in has every girl's ever dreamt of to have in a bedroom??? A massive 6 doors floor to celiling wardrobes, with two tiers hanging racks and shoe racks too??? And it is quite spacious as well, for the price of €650! And it is quite in a descent respectable housing area, and close to city centre! It's a good catch! Thank God!

So, now it is only the matter of finding a job.

I will be going to Spain (Malaga) next Tuesday! The 'boyfriend' is taking me there to relax for a week, and when I get back here he asked me to start again for the job searching! His parents have a house there, so basically it is just like a little vacation! ;)

Oh, and I have met his parents too!! :) Obviously, it is such an experience! I mean, I am always afraid when it comes to the meet the parents session! ;) But it is all good!

Too many things to tell, but basically that is what has been happening around my life at the moment! Thanks to all who keeps on reading, and sorry for lack of commitment in voting. It is just because there is too many unlucky things happened from one to another. Just hope that things are going to get better soon!

I have to go now. I'll write again soon!

Have a good weekends, everyone! *twirl*

How Should I Say This?

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Well... how should I say this?

There is a valid reason why I haven't been in here. Yes, I know. I keep on doing this. But, none of those before would be worst than this time. Well, how should I say this?

Okay. Here goes. I will be losing my job in two weeks time. There you go. I've said that.

Four people in our office has been let go, and we only got two weeks notice, and it started from today. I have lost my job. Period. Collapsing...again.

What should I say? I don't know. I really don't know. Wait. Like I have college, at least until next year. My company has already pay the college fees until I finish my fifth year. And that is at least until middle of the year. Then, I have to get a job before then to pay my own college fees next year. And I have tried. Not that I neglected the event of job searching. I did. But none of Quantity Surveyor vacancy is available in Ireland. None! Zilch.

There are few openings in UK as well as in Australia. But then again, how about my studies? Should I stop and move on, migrating to another country who desperately need my expertise and leave all my life, which is nearly three years I built myself here, in Ireland? Or should I just gave up and back to my own country, and let fate throw the life path that I can just obey to?

It is too early to decide, and this is the most difficult situation ever. I can't even think, and it is driving me completely nuts! What should I do? Which is the better choice to make? Disastrous, as ever! As always I am in the crucial situation ever.

What would I do? What should I do to make myself back to normal again? Which path?

Why is it so difficult to be me?

How Is It Supposed To Be?

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I am here, sitting in my sitting room and thinking. I know. It is bad when it comes to me, thinking! But I can't just ignored what I think I am doing!

It is not as bad as I thought it would be, but still it does bothers me. It is just that, I got a bit paranoid of this relationship thingy. My relationship. How healthy can it be, when a relationship is about not meeting each other for quite sometimes? And how weird it is to think that your boyfriend is not really cares about you? Or so I thought.

To be honest, I do not know how would a relationship be? How would a normal relationship be? What should be expected? How people doing it? To be in a normal relationship? Where's the rocky bumps, and for how long it is going to be smooth sailing?

I think I am just freaking out with this normal smooth sailing phasing, that I tend to rock it a bit for a small weeny bit of b4by's rhythm. How odd does that sounds? Has I gone mentally ill right at this moment?

Too many questions for too little time. I am too tired already to think (had bad day at work too! something about a Contractor is - kind of putting up a row with me over underpayment!!).

I need to hit the sack now. Too tired. Perhaps, an early day and a breakfast will clear my paranoia mind tomorrow! ;)

Good night everyone! (uhuhh... and sorry for the small interruption of my usual storyline! *wink*)

*twirl*

A Prosperous Year Ahead

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Hey. Happy New Year to all. I know that I have been gone for so long. But I have a very good and valid reason for all these absenteeism. :)

I got a chest infection earlier on, right after Christmas! And, earlier on I actually had a fight with a doctor in the hospital for prescribing me a Penicillin even though I told him that I am allergic to Penicillin! How could he be so stupid? I told him that, as I did have a bad experience with that... and what I got back is a simple answer from him, "no... you are not allergic to it!"

How could he know that? He has not even been my doctor before!! Idiot!

Anyway, yeah... I think I am a bit paranoid in the love department! I am so happily in love at the moment, and he... the Tall Guy is actually really a good guy, who treat a girlfriend the way they should be treated! I have not received anything, but full attention from him all time around! He is such a boyfriend material! And worst... I could not help but thinking, when is it going to rock. When is my happily in love boat is going to rock by a ferocious wind, as it always has been...

There must be something wrong, it couldn't be smooth sailing all the time. Or maybe I was meeting the wrong guy all the time, and when the good ones approach, I tend to be scared of good things that happened?

He is so adorable, and yes! He did told me that he loves me... :) See!! I told you, I am being so paranoid after all the bad sailing in the love department. He actually did tell me, that he really does love me... :)

What more could I ask? Nothing could have been better! Perhaps, it is the omen of good years ahead! :)

Catch you guys later, and Happy New Year once again! May all of you have a prosperous year ahead! Thank you for all the votes and sorry for not voting back these past few days... Millions apology! I'll try to catch up! :)

Good night!

So, it is an "X"?

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Newsflash!

Remember when I was telling you about the phrase, "I Love You" thingy? It's way beyond complicated now. I mean, I just started thinking. Do you think men don't really say it out loud? Or there is only a group of men who doesn't say it but really care for the girl, and there is another group of men who doesn't say it because he just simply not so into that girl? Is there any classification of these men around us? Do you really think so?

How long would it take for a man to realize that he likes and probably falls for a girl? I guess the answer would be, it depends on what type of man he is. But then again, how many types are there? One, two or fifty, hundreds or even thousands or millions?

Everytime, I got a text... and wanted to reply back, and then... was hesitate for a moment, at the end of the message, like... what should I write besides xxx? Noted now, that xxx would simply represent kisses... like normally, how to end a text, I pressume. But then, is that just it? Should I put in, "love you!" or something like that? But the fact that, I have not received anything similar verbally or written, why should I? Would not it be awkward enough if I did so?

Unfortunately, my temptation to see what will soon arise, I did that anyway last night. After a normal, good night text to reply, I ended my message with (I must say it is a bit awkward since it comes from me initially...), "love 'ya!!". To make it as casual as possible. Huh! As if!!

And worst of all the horrid things in this whole wide world, I got a reply. And it was inexplicable as ever, but somehow it does not really cheer me up in relation to this whole situation.

What I got, is an "X" reply. Just that. And that is it.

Like what on earth was that supposed to mean? An X to say "No"? Or an X to say, "unappropriate word"? Or just an X to simply means, a rejection?

It bothers me. It really does. Oh by the way, we talked. Normally today. Like the usuals. But then again, the thing just gone. Like, gone gone. And I would never know whatever things that he has thought about lunatic b4by! Thank you to my genius brain to think such thing last night! Another silly me moves! Ah well... silly me!

So, what do you think?

Am I Really That Useless?

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I am here, with my laptop, finishing up my assignment. I couldn't stop myself from thinking the facts, though. I mean, I think I am right all along with my definition of relationship. I mean, my relationship.

What is going on with me? I can't even place what is actually really wrong. I mean, we had fun together. We went to movies, we went for dinner, we hang out and just being cosy and lazy watching some sappy, chick flick movies on the couch... it just seemed so normal, yet there is something missing!

Honestly, it seems that something is really not right. It's just that I don't think that he likes me the way I do. As much as I do, and obviously... I don't think that he even loves me at all! When I looked at him, it just doesn't feel right. And, to be honest, it is kind of sad.

One more thing. If you are in a relationship with a person, and the fact that you are leaving in the same city of the person, you would have at least text her once a day, just to say hello or how are you thingy, right? But, he seems weird! I mean, he doesn't even care if he didn't text me for one day. He would eventually, text me like after two or three days later, and made things look so normal, and with that, it will eventually put me at stake of being a lunatic girlfriend! But obviously, I didn't say that to him! He should know that! I mean, it's not just about the text! It's about thought! Usually, people said, "it's the thought that counts!". But this means what?

For me, I want my boyfriend to actually care about me, but not that I want him to be with me all the time! That would simply spells, CLINGY! I wouldn't want a clingy ones. But the fact that he cares for me, and like care to know what I am up to for today but I can do whatever I want with my friends, does matter. But him? He just ignores me all day all week, until he feels like he wanted to know where I am!

Maybe this is a huge mistake. Maybe I shouldn't be with him, and should just stop all this nonsense? Is all this, nonsense?!

Ah, what a terrible things to be concluded with! And by the way, I didn't go out last night, but stayed at home and completing my assignment. But he did. Went out with all his friends, as always! Am I really that not important to him?!

For Real Or Fantasy?

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Hey all. Picking up myself from the ground, to make myself well enough to jot down something! Been too busy at work and college too! Group work has shattered me into pieces. Bossy people around just pissed me off big time, especially when you keep on sneezing and couldn't even think of what are the best things to say... :(

Just finishing off my assignment, and thought why not I just drop in and jot in something. As I do have something in my mind that bothers me a little bit.

As always, love-life. Not that I am complaining. Everything is well now. Just that, I don't really know what is going on. I mean, yeah. He is officially my boyfriend. Damn, it feels so good! It really has been a while since I had a boyfriend! :)

But I was just wondering, is like and love two different things? I think it is. And I am not sure myself really, do I love him or I just like him? And what does he thinks? FYI, he never said that he loves me yet... I am confused when it comes to guy matters! They are just weird enough to be understood!

Is that just a common thing and it doesn't really matters? Or does he actually planning to just playing around with my feelings? But, I have met loads of his friends, and it is so nice when he keeps on saying, "... this is my girlfriend..." Like, an official label, which I have been seeking for months! Not that I am desperate enough, just that it's so nice to be someone's girl. :)

And I have kind of good relationships with his friends too. I mean, they are being so nice to me. And I do appreciate that loads from him! But still, am I for real? Is he really into this relationship or it is just me? Ah, another FYI, we have been two months, approximately been together. I have been Mrs. Kells for about two months now, and it feels great! But I do get paranoid, like thinking about this... whether is it just a patch and soon will be gone like others, or it is for real. I can't deny that. I do feel insecure. How would I know without having him to say that he loves me? Complicated!

Tell me what you think. Till then, I will talk to you soon enough! Going to bed now. Nites!

I Am Still Alive

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Hey all. Sorry for not being around. Been sick the whole time since I came back from Amsterdam! And it is getting worst actually. I did not go to office on Friday as well. Was too wrecked! I can barely even sleep at night nowadays, with all the coughing late at night. It's bothering me big time! There's no sign that it is going to stop any soon.

I was just stopping by here to jot something in here, so that you guys know that I am still alive, but nearly dying... If anyone, would ever let me know what is the cure to have a pleasant night sleep, with the coughing off my bedtime, please.... let me know. I can't tolerate the night coughing session anymore. It is killing me, badly...

I promise I will catch up with you as soon as possible. Thank you for all the votes, and I will be back and will try my best to vote you back. I am really sorry...

Good night.

Me, The Bad Vibes?

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Hey. Just got back from a club. Finishing up the trip report, and now I thought I want to scribble something too.

I don't know whether I am being paranoid or it is happening actually. I need comments on this, definitely.

The night that I came back from Amsterdam, it was on Tuesday night. The boyfriend was over at my place, and he went back the next day! I was completely wrecked. I was sick, that's why he was there. But that's not the point! When he went back the next day, to his car (he was driving and parked his car in the parking space outside my apartment), his car was robbed, back windows were smashed to pieces and then the whole car was burnt down! Police were over and it took ages to finish the whole thing with them! That's one thing. I can't stop having the thought that I am a wrecked head! I brought him bad luck! It was me, that he got that scene! If he was not here at my place, none of that could happened. Luckily, the car was insured.

Second, I went for a date with him last night to a cinema, watching James Bond. It was a great movie. Then, we went back to his place to chill out with few of his housemates, girls and boys. It was fine. Then, I slept over there and woke up today, he made breakfast and everything. Was perfect. Then, was chilling over at his place, and he wanted to go out with them friends as one of his friends is dj-ing over in the club. He was asking me if I wanted to go, but I said I don't know. The thing is, Marta is living so far now. And I barely have anyone else who is close enough with me that I can trust to go out with. So, I feel a bit out of place even though he was supposed to be my boyfriend. But, I went.

Ah, before that... when we were chilling after the breakfast, one of his friends just came back from Peru, and was chilling with us too. Out of nowhere, or maybe I heard it wrong... but he said something like he is going away next year for few months all over Europe. Just to experience things. Like, is that it? I mean, does that means he is just going to go away? Like, just away?

Okay, then in the club... I think everything just went wrong. I mean, I used to be so bubbly and known as a chatterbox all the time, but I just don't know why I just shut myself the whole night through! And, somehow I think he is acting strange as well! Maybe I am feeling so paranoid, but I think I am feeling the right thing. I just feel unwanted! That is what I actually felt. Seriously. Out of place.

Then, he was asking me that am I going with him to an after session, after the club. He was telling me that he just going to get drunk and back to his place with few friends, if I want to come with him, but he keeps on telling me that somehow I feel like he don't want me to be there. Like what is actually going on? After being too long to be stupid and silly in the club, I told him like, I just want to go home. Then, he sent me to the road and get me a taxi. I just don't feel good at all!

For me, I don't think he really cares about this relationship that we are having. Somehow, I am not really that important to him. And, what I did is just giving him more nightmares, with the car get burnt down and everything. And even, if I stayed, and holding to this relationship, obviously it is going nowhere if he really has planned that he is going away for few months next year. It's a hopeless relationship. Pointless.

So, I really really feel strange and weird at the moment, that I thought I think the best thing to do is just to end this relationship before it got any further. Obviously, it means nothing to him at all! Another failure job from me! I was thinking of ending it by just ignoring him. He will be fine I think, but I don't think I will though. God, this is very hurtful!

Let me know what you think, besides of telling me I am a nutcase! I am, alright. :)

Cheers!

Part 2 - Gent & Amsterdam

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So, there we were... in the Dam! *wink*

It was a good fun! We went from train station, being so foolish, don't know how to get to the hostel, then we got a taxi from the train station! Unfortunately, the hostel was only less than five minutes drive, but the taxi driver charged us fifteen quid! What an arsehole! With the reason, he is the chartered cab! Silly us, we can't really afford to perform such drama, so we just nodded!

We went to the hostel, check in, put the bag in the lockers, and off we went to bed! Was a great four hours sleep, as we woke up again later, and freshen up, and continue our main attraction in Amsterdam! COFFEE SHOP!

Did you know that it is legal to smoke joints in Amsterdam? *grins* So, we went to one after another coffee shop with big grins, and walk around the city! We were giggling now and then, as we were too high with the 'legal cannabis!'

We just walked around the city, with loads of shops aligns on the street. Then we even went to the Red Light District! There were girls displayed behind the windows. Tapping the windows when everytime guys passed by. Like promoting themselves. Ah, prostitution is legal as well in Amsterdam. It's like the classic way of purchasing a prostitute! But, when we walked pass through, and because of too high, we were giggling along the way, we can't deny that we got few angry stares from this girls! It was hilarious.

We keep on doing the same thing for three days and two nights we were there. It was brilliant! On the last day in Amsterdam, we got really really tired and stoned as well! I started to get cough and flu. Been sneezing around. When it was the time to go to the airport, we looked like a zombie, more or less the same! We just on time in the airport, and we basically nearly missed the flight! *giggles*

When we arrived in Dublin airport, things got more worst! We looked completely wrecked! We dragged the bags, and pass the custom / immigration when the lady is actually stopped us and was asking us where we were flying from. After we told her that we from Amsterdam, she quickly asked us to scan the bags! It was so funny. I thought that we looked really really dreadful that we became so suspicious to look at! Luckily, she didn't ask to search our bags! We did bring back something! *wink*

That's the whole story of the trip! I would want to do it again though. But there is no more music festivals like that, as such in the time being! Plan for next year, probably! I'll put up pictures soon, but it is a dreadful pictures! Even the pictures from I Love Techno! I was just too wrecked to snap a shot! :)

Good night!