Silly Selfish Brat

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Here I am, having my holidays in my home. First day, of my three consecutive days of holidays. Unbelievably fun! At least, I don't have to go to work on Monday. That's a start! :)

It was such a nice weather earlier on, I mean... it was sunny. And it was beautiful too. But then, I was too lazy to go anywhere, and what I did is just curling up on bed. I was too lazy to do anything. That is the problem.

And now, the weather has turned awfully bad, and bad clouds are everywhere. But, no worries on that. At least, I have plans for tomorrow and Wednesday. I thought of exploring Dublin, and that would be nice. As to be honest, I haven't got the chance to really see what Dublin has to offer!

I have long lengthy timetable to be caught up, tomorrow. I mean, I really do have. And I have a companion too! I mean, I am not going alone! I am going with a friend of mine. She is an irish, and we would definitely have fun together, tomorrow! How fun would that be? :)

I have come to my senses, that someone can just be a jerk and will always be a jerk when he decided, and planned for it for so long time. I never thought that a person can be such a jerk, and selfish at one time without even thinking of what affect would that be to the other person. And, honestly, I think such person is a sick person! Really really sick person!

Being selfish, is kind of normal, if he is used to be one. But then, being selfish, and using a person kindness for his own benefits, and treat her back like a shit, is obviously stupid and silly at the same time, which comes to the conclusion, this person really needs help! And to be honest, I would not want to help this kind of person! Its stupid! And its outrageous!

He is still here in my home, not talking to me, but living in my home, using my things, and worst, staying here... but not talking to me? How odd a thing can be? This is beyond what you thought it supposed to be?! I mean, what is this if it is not meant, using a person? What is this, if you can't called this person, selfish? Doesn't he feels a bit stupid, and terrible for doing such things?

I can't chase him out from the house, as I think it would be so rude, and I don't do rude things to people. At the end of the day, I am the one who feels really really bad that he acted this way, and somehow I did feel like I am the one who is hogging, and crashing his house, instead of my house he is crashing in!

Is this not selfish? What is this then?

What Am I Made Of?

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Hey there. Just came back from the second date. Okay, the movie was nice. Everything is nice, just that I have a new conclusion. I think I do have a problem. I won't be successful, not at all. Naa...ah!
I mean, I won't be successful in terms of love life. Not a chance!

I think he likes me now. I really think so. And, it's not like I am being mean or anything, but I think whenever I know that a guy is interested in me, I would run. Simply run! And, that means... no relationship at all!

Gosh! What have I gotten myself into? I am spoiling myself though, that is more like it. I should be very happy that a guy is falling for me, but I react the other way round? Why is that supposed to happen?

I think that is it. I mean, I can't see this guy anymore. That is it. I can't. Because, if I do... I am lying to myself. Pretending to be okay but then I am not in the inside. He is such a nice guy, and I am not worth it a try. I think so.

Was too funny in the movie, he keeps on looking at me. I mean, staring!!! What is that???? God! And I keep having a thought of, I can do this. I can try to like him. He is such a nice guy. I keep on repeat this on my mind, but alas... no chance. Not a chance!

I am a bit*h, I think. That is what I am. I am so useless. I can't do what normal girls usually do. Have a normal life, with a normal boyfriend on their side. No. I just can't. Then, I know that I am not normal. *giggles* I know I shouldn't be laughing about this, but I think it is funny. Furthermore, I think I am kind of funny! More like an idiot!

I am really sorry, but I just can't. What am I made of? How I wonder!

P/S: When I got home, trying to figure out why this is all happening like this... I got a text from Mr. Jerk. Why on earth should he appear now? After so long he has been so quiet? And why, would he turned up right in the middle of me having a huge, horrible decision to think about? Does this mean anything????? Simply annoying!

Silly Girl

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It's Friday. I was supposed to be happy as the weekends almost there. But instead, I'm not.

Silly me, seriously silly me. I knew that he will be going today, I should have spend sometimes last night talking or such, as he will not be back for long. He will be back in three weeks time to collect his other stuff remaining, but then he will be off again, this time is for good. At least, until our Prague holidays (if that would ever happen. I doubt about it though).

But, snobbish me, I scooted back, cave in the bedroom, and tucked myself under the duvet trying so hard to fall asleep, whilst he is in the living room! I have not even said good night! I think I would be awarded as the meanest person ever live!

Woke up this morning, with swollen eyes, performing the usuals... first, to the kitchen to boil the kettle, then I found him sleeping, crumpling on the sofa. Looking like a little child, sleeping peacefully. The odd feeling from last night, just struck back in.

After I have finished the normal chores, before I went off, I couldn't even manage to wake him up to say goodbye. I just can't. Instead, I left him a note. Just a note. Not a kiss, and not even a hug!

Before I went out, he was awake. Laughing in the sleep! Must have been a funny dream he had. He blinked over, and smile. Strange. Smiled back, then I hurriedly went to the room, and leave in the note. On the way to the door, I heard that he is in the bathroom. But once again, silly me just scoot herself away to the door, and that was it!

Why would I do such things? Ah, because I am a silly girl.

And now I am back in the house, and it feels really really strange. He is not there, and it is so odd. It's so empty. I can't and don't really know how to say this, but I just realized that I really have lost something, as I keep on feeling that odd feeling oozing in and out myself.

I am being odd now, I think.

A Pointless Discussion

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So, it is Thursday. Things have been not quite normal, it is just strange. It has been weirdly longer than it was supposed to. I presumed.

But one more day, the weekends will appear, again! (Doubt that it will be as good as I want it to be, though. As I don't even know what are the things that I am expecting.)

Everything seems to be pretty ordinary to me at the moment. Work, grocery shopping on my way home, dinner (whether quick dinner, or instant! Doesn't really matter, as long as I got something to eat, that suits me!). Then, few hours on the telly, being a sluggish couch potato I am. And of course, ended up with a peaceful, good night sleep. It's just basically all that all week. Sounds like I am having a boring life, yes? But that is what I am these past few weeks. Ah, or maybe a dinner out after work with my friends. And that is it. How ordinary a person can be if not worst than this?

Is it too wrong to be ordinary instead, rather than being a super hyper active me, with fully booked schedule? I have too much time floating, without nothing to do... and does that really really typical boring person schedule? How odd can it be not to be so cramped with timetables?

I was just thinking about this, as I was sitting home after work, gulping on my bowl of instant noodle bought on the way home from work, and soon it just strucked me! "Am I really that boring, that soon enough to make me become so unattractive?"

I know it sounds stupid, in fact I think it is so silly. Pointless discussion to be made. But hey, I thought about this, that means it is something important and hell yes, it is so obvious now, as I realized this. As if it was not, I won't be able to actually acknowledge of what is really happening. Am I right?

I don't know. When the clock ticks away to the weekends, I am starting to become more cautious about what is going on with my life. Just a plain, simple equation to be made. I am growing and becoming more wise, I guess. Am I?

It's just for me to have a thought scribbled and for you to figure it out for me, would you? *wink*

Have a thought, and let me know! *twirl endlessly*

Good night!

Sick, Tired & Searching For My Other Half... Again!!

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I just don't feel too good today. I woke up with a really bad sore throat! I couldn't even hear my own voice. It was a big disaster!

I feel so weak, and so sick. I guess the sickness is coming back, again! Obviously, it is due to the crappy weather we got here. One time it was so sunny, and the other... stormy, rainy and gloomy. Probably the body could not cope anymore. Just like the birds, confused by their own thoughts; whether to sing or to fly away.

That is how crap Dublin's weather is.

Anyway, somehow... I think I miss my other half. I truly am. I know it's crap, pathetic, like I can't get over it, simply because i just can't get over it!! I have tried. So hard. Just that I haven't seen 'it' for quite sometimes now. And probably by now, he already knew what had happened last weekends. That somebody is actually has his eyes on me, and probably (again!), that he is pissed and decided not to contact me anymore. Duuh! How ironic!

I am sick, and I am missing my other half. Eat me alive, please...!!

P/S: It's the pinky stripe one... *sigh*

Clumsy, Silly Me

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One thing happened today. As it happened basically at this time of the year for me. As in for today, it is the second time for this year, and also the fourth time since I arrived in Dublin. *keep on wondering* *grins* Okay, here goes.

I fell!! *wink*

I was walking back home, as usual from the office. It was just like the normal walk that I have all the time, all these while. It was quite windy, alright. And, out of sudden, the wind just swooshed me away, and I fell! *giggles*


What I did? I laugh it off, of course. What more can I do? I always fell. Oh, and the ferocious wind, always blow me away. *more giggles*

Last year (sometimes around this time as well, I fell in front of a bus stop, TWICE!). It was more funny, as loads of people were there, waiting for the bus. Despite of them, looking so sad as it is drizzling and windy, plus the fact that they are just coming back home from the office, at least I did cheer them up! As when I fell, I was looking around, panicking... then I started to laugh. Then, they laugh it off with me too!
But this year, the first time (it was when my umbrella broken), it was not in front of the bus stop. And today, I was on the side of the road and without the umbrella,
as it is not raining. So, less people plus less burden and pain. Also, less humiliation. But, less fun as I was laughing it off just by myself. *chuckles*

That is me. Clumsiness is my middle name, and that is truly me. Such an experience, eh?

How odd a person can be?

P/S: Feel free to click and vote for me... *wink*