Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
I will be there for a week, and I hope it will be great!! I hear a lot of things about the island, and everything about it is so nice. *another wink*
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I have succeeded staying in, from Friday night to Sunday morning without having my regular night-outs as the usual. I am a bit proud of myself somehow. I made it.
I just realized, what I have been doing these past few days, by staying in, is basically lounging in my room, internet, flicking through channels in the telly, hoping from one DVD to another… oh, and not to forget, munching all sorts of junk food that I can think of, and that is available in my room.
Would that be the best option of all the options that I have? Eating non-stop those yummy, chocolate snacks over and over again? And obviously, I will eventually, will gain so much weight and no longer be able to go out and have fun. Would that be it?
On the other hand, if I go out, the one that I usually do… Long hours night out, filled with my exercise regime, dancing all night long, that put me to a nice figure, and feeling relaxed… but will definitely be intoxicated with gallons of alcohol consumed in my body, and it stays, will put me to a bad, sorts of bad condition on the Sunday morning, and sometimes prolonged to Monday mornings (that is one of the reason why I hate Mondays), will that be the appropriate options then? And oh, of course… the owl-kind-of living, sleeping during the day, and might eventually lost full day of a beautiful sunny days… on weekends. Would that then, be it?
I always ended up having such options. The one opposing to another, the one would ended up can never be compared. As there were the pros and cons on each. That would simply put me into the hideous condition of all, which to contemplate and as which to adapt?
Is life will always be difficult as this, no matter what is it all about…? Will we always be put in this situation, to choose? Why can’t life be as simple as eating strawberries in field streamed with daisies and butterflies on a sunny day? Does this decision-making will always be the ‘in thing’ in life?
Friday, May 9, 2008
Walking back home, I was in my suit with a pair of skirt and heels. It was way to unbelievable how the pain on my toes, shrieking quietly to my ear, "you stupid little girl... it is way to painful down here, stucked in this stupid heels you are wearing!!" I have decided to wear an office attire, completely to the office today, just because I feel like it.
I have to admit, I am a bit selfish to myself, not thinking about how my pair of feet would think of that. Heels have always been a torture to me, no matter how good it looks. Hence, I still have loads of pairs, patterned beautifully on the shoe rack in my home. It is too nice, to look up those pairs, in the shoe shop, portraying themselves... "pick me, pick me!!" through the front glass of the shoe shop. It's unbearable! That obviously verifies numerous collections I have, at the moment. *wink*
It was not too bad today, a good sunny day but not as good as today, or as the day before... It is just okay. I keep on walking, and the 'little girls' in my shoes keep on shrieking, drumming in my ears. Then, I couldn't help but wondering... It is too painful to walk miles, with a pair of heels, but most of the women nowadays seem to not bothered at all by the fact that their 'little girls' are shrieking, seeking for help, probably suffocating or perhaps some of them need to be towed to the critical unit emergency room.
Is that considered normal? Is that how norms nowadays reacted? And basically, treated this as one of the tiny matters among all big problems that have ever existed? Would that be classified as a routine of life, things we do and have in our everyday life? Will that not be actually known as torturing yourself, that soon it can somehow put you in a risk of becoming handicapped?
I had few thoughts on, and it does scare me eventually. If we do walk in heels for at least, 5 days a week, for... say, 2 hours each day... and that accumulate to approximately 40 hours per month... and about 60 hours per year, will that not give you higher risk of having fractured toe bones?
When I was flipping the images on my head, I suddenly realized...
It is a fact. A problem will always be a problem if we see it as one, but will not eventually become one when we just don't be bothered about it. Theoretically speaking, I am stomping on my wild side of agenda right now. I have been bothered with my sappy love life scenario without ends to it, and obviously without sense. I have been bothered with the 'how is it going to be' equations every now and then. And until now, I just couldn't fit in the last puzzle of whiz. I could not even lay the final presentation with all the trusted evidence I have, and I could not even put up the mix with the perfect combination of ingredients on hand... I just could not. It is simply because, I am seeking for it. I am wishing on stars to have it all happen as it is supposed to be...
It is always been right to every other person in this world, but somehow it does not blooms out beautifully when it comes to mine. Does that have something to do with me, or it was just them? Most of the girls that I know, happily married and have kids around them. Does that means they are luckier than me? Or do they just fit in the places to make themselves happy and settled but in fact they are not really as happy as they want to be? Do I basically being to picky and always drooled over some stupid jerks that ended up having sort of cliche love scene over and over again?
However, I found out that few of my ex-es are somehow, have a beautiful life and settled with someone at the moment. Then somehow, I have another thought in my head and it does scare me.
Was it them who brings the problem to all the relationship that I have had that ended up crashing badly in the middle of the journey, or is it me?
Am I actually the one, the wild orchid stuffed with one humongous petal spelled "say no to commitment"?
Thursday, May 8, 2008
As usual, at half five in the evening, I walked back home from the office to my home that took me about one hour to reach home. But, alas... I can't make it the whole way through today, and I took a bus half way through. *wink* When I reached St. Green Park (a park that is nearby to the Grafton Street, a posh street crowded with multiple shops that caters my needs when I am in the mood of shopping), I saw the Topshop boutique right across the street. It is not that I thought I have decided to have a shopping spree another go, but the mannequin in the glass of the shop that intrigues me, somehow.
There are about 4 of the mannequins there, styled in many different ways. All the clothes are colourful, probably to portray the numerous designs that they have in season. But its not the clothes that bothers me, but its the mannequin. Then I had my tentacles of curiousity blinked!!
I wonder... Why do such well-known clothes shop, such as TOPSHOP put up their clothes on to this 4 hideous mannequin I have ever seen, and boldly putting them in front of the shop to attract and bring people in and shop?
As when I wandered in front of the shop, analysing these mannequins... Seriously, they are hideous! I have to admit that when I looked up closely, those tops and skirts, are the one who are dying to have one, but when you looked them on this mannequins, you couldn't help but wonder,
"I will be looking good and it will be definitely be a more gorgeous looking piece of skirt if I am the one who wear the skirts ,and not that stupid, no shape but like a stick-girl, lanky, annorexic mannequin!!"
Then it is all solved.
I think they purposely put up with this hideous ever creature created by man, there... to have girls thinking like me earlier this evening!! Don't you think so? Speaking of the selling strategy, they sure have loads of brilliant idea, I must say...
I am 80% sure about my findings this evening. At least, on this hot sunny, beatiful Wednesday evening. (That skirt do look nice, if it was me who is wearing it though..., and the top, and the heels... and the.... *wink*)
Well, so... what do you think?
Monday, May 5, 2008
Surprisingly, I didn't go out last night, that makes me so fresh this morning. My friend, with the husband has gone like, 10 minutes ago. They have been staying here since Friday to wait for today to go back to my country for good. One of my list of friend, has gone. *sad*
Anyway, I have been out since Friday night, and came back home on Sunday morning. It has been a hectic night for me. I met the other pair of socks, of mine. Eventually, not purposely. Sorts of.
I have been to house party, without him. I have not contact him or didn't pursue any attempt in contacting him since Friday night, but he contacted me. (He did contacted me on Friday anyway, and decided not to come to where I was, and that was it). Then, I did ignored but then he tried to find me again on Saturday noon, asking me (ferociously!), where was I. What was that supposed to be?
First of all, I am not his girl. Second, why does he has to sounds like a lunatic, asking where I am and what I am doing? Technically, he is not in the position to do all that!!! What make him so curious to know where I am if he is not interested in me? And why would it bothers him so much if I am somewhere, having some party with some people and he is not there? (As I did answered that I am in some party, then he insisted to know where I am, with the reason, just tell him where I am so that he knows where I am, but he is not coming over. Just to know!). That was his reason, anyway.
Why would men be as difficult as he is, tempting and insisting on something when they know that they shouldn't be in the situation to actually do that? Why would men deny the fact that they are so into you, and suddenly chickened out, when they knew that the girl has the same feeling for them? Would that make them looking powerful than we are, and that actually makes them the superhero of this love life fictions?
How would I possibly survived in this act of life? As per in movies, there would definitely be one person who will get hurt in this sketch, as the usual, and would that be me?
Friday, May 2, 2008
It was nice. Was really nice actually. We had a sirloin steak, spinach, tomatoes and potato cheese. We had a good talk, laugh... we talked basically about everything. And laugh about basically everything. It looks like two person having fun.
But was it just me who felt strange deep inside? Was it normal for a guy and a girl, without any love relationship bonding, having dinner more than once, together? Was it me, feeling so strange when we were quiet, like nothing to talk about, probably catching our breath after a very good laugh, caught him staring at me? Was it me, who is having this hallucination of all these thing and the fact that it is not happening? It just drives me mad!
Technically, I don't really know what is going on. And worst of all, I don't know what and how do I feel at this moment. Maybe it was just friends? And I even had a thought that I will be okay if we are just friends, as I am not sure anymore.
But maybe, I don't know. Maybe he is not really a friend to me. But maybe he is not a boyfriend to me too. But he is something else. He is something more than a friend, but not yet qualified to be called my boyfriend. What is that then? Three days in a week, he came around and just there, sitting with me... whilst he usually do other things. This is just so not him. What make him become 'this'?
What is the hidden agenda? Or maybe it wasn't.
Or was it, all along... was just me, thinking the things that I wasn't supposed to, just to satisfy my mind and self, longing for the exquisite pain. The pain that put me in sorrow.
Is that the new trend of satisfying yourself, in this new era? The more you gain from the exquisite pain, the more you feel better? This is all one big puzzle, that I can solve, NOT.
Still, the question popping my mind now and then...
"Can a boy and a girl become just 'best friends'...? Can they?"
Thursday, May 1, 2008
We went for a cup of coffee on Monday, and he actually waited for me until I finish work, and I purposely turned up late, and he is still there. Waiting. It is so weird and strange for me, seriously.
Furthermore, he came over later on with the reason of getting some DVDs from my home, and ended up cooking dinner for me? What was that supposed to mean? I don't even have enough ingredients in my home, and he basically run down to the nearest store, get all the things, and came back and cook for me! He stayed for a little while, we talked, laughing... then he went home. It is so strange to me, let it be as it is. But then, the same thing happened again on the next day.
On Tuesday, I got a text from him, saying that it was fun what we did the night before, and he would like to eat together again. And surprisingly, he came. With all the ingredients, and cook again!! Last night. I was in a complete confusion era. Seriously. We ate, watched a movie after one and another. And... I got really sick (not that he cooked something poisonous - hahaha... but I was sick, originally. Probably the shockment takes control!). He was looking so comfortable on the couch... until he said (reluctantly), that he should go home. I really don't know what to respond, then I said okay. But he stood still.
Then, he keeps on popping this question, until I said... "oh, okay. Maybe you should just stay and go back tomorrow". That is when I know I have made a wrong move. We keep quiet for quite sometimes... then, he suddenly, take his jacket and looking so strange, and walked up to the door.
I really don't know what have I done. I said bye, and he just left. Was it me who is trying to be nice, asking a friend to stay as it was late for him to go home (his house is not that far from me though, as I told you before he moved so near to my home - kind of a stalker eh? haha...)? Or was it him, being so uncomfortable as he said that we should be just friend and he could not handle the truth that he actually has feelings for me, which is a feeling that is more than a friend? It was way too confusing.
But one thing for sure, I know that he did have fun when he was at my place, and the fact that he actually cooked for me, is really something. As he is not really that kind of guy who cook, err... I think you got what I mean. Or probably, it is the way of him showing that we are in fact good buddies, so he cooks for me as a nice gesture to all this confusion? But why does he has to be strange, having all this weird, nervous-wrecking moves when he was in my home and looking at me when I wasn't looking?
Was it me who thinks and hope too much but in fact it is just a normal things that normal people do? Or, (this lead to a normal and basic question of all to this complicated equation of love), can a boy and a girl really become friends, like just friends?
It hurts me so badly to think all this as I wouldn't have the right answer to it, at all! I really don't know what he wants from me, and basically I don't actually know what I want from him. But one thing for sure, the fact that he is actually spending time together with me these past few days, and looking at him smiling and laughing, and the fact that we are comfortable with each other existence, really means something.
Something that is more than a friend... something more complicated. An undefined bonds that can never be explained.
I thought so...